My 6yo Daughter is a Tween

Before i had kids, i thought having kids would be all fun and laughter.

Eventhough i have brothers, still, i thought MY own kids would be different.

They'll be the awesome-est, fun-est, happiest kids!

Coz they're MINE.

Until i had kids.

Buahahahaha!

I mean, yes they are fun and happy and funny cuddly cute widdle wushumyumyuaiyuuuyuuu

and then when something goes wrong, EVERYTHING blows up.

Maybe it's just my kids, i don't know actually.

So yesterday, Nadrah had her gym class, and i purposely took her and isaac an hour and a half earlier because i knew she will sleep in the car, and if i had to wake her up too soon, she'll be cranky.

Strategy.

Or so i thought..

Then woke her up, went to her gym class, and she started behaving like a.. an irrational person.

aka cranky.

I tried talking nicely to her, and she just straight up being rude to me, so i gave her time off (like biar je dia tak layan dia). In the class, she started not participating with her friends, and i got annoyed.

The teachers and her friends cuba pujuk dia gak, and after almost half an hour, and dia still macam tu,

apa lagi.

Balik je la.

So we all went home~

Anyway, yesterday i wasn't feeling so well.

Tapi as a mom, we can't really do anything about that, can we? Still have to cook food, control kids, etc etc.

I was annoyed and tired, and when we got home, Nadrah was just entahpape.

Yes, that's how much she doesn't love me.

She made this and practically shoved it in my face.

Walaupun hati berkecai kecai, penat, sakit, annoyed, apa nak buat?

Buat dek je la.

Pastu sebab dia still nak lepas geram, dia gi buli adik dia.

Haih.......

Kids are just a big crazy mess to figure out. They can't control their emotions and they don't know why they're acting a certain way, and they don't know how to read social behaviours.

We parents know that, we know!

We understand that it's not their fault and still we have to teach them.

Over and over and over again.

You hear songs about people getting heartbroken from their partners kan. Probably because they haven't been hurt by their kids 😂

Nadrah is only 6 years old.

Already she's acting like a tween.

Macam mana laaaaa nanti bila dia dah teenager 😰

I'm scared for the irrational parts to come out on a different level.

Konnichiwa! Watashiwa Maria des! (Japan Trip)

Assalamualaikum & hewwo my pelikers~

Bila la agaknya blogspot.com ni nak update features yang teramat oldskool ni.. boring betul la.

Anyhoots!
Last month (yes, in April), i went to Japan with Nadrah & my mother.
My mom yang nak sangat pergi actually. She wanted to see the sakura in full bloom.
So i had to teman her and nadrah had to come with.

It was a good week =)
And here i shall summarise our trip!

Bye Malaysia, Hello Osaka!

We first arrived in Osaka at night, so 1st day basically nothing la. Just excited tengok hotel hehe
The next day, we went to USJ (Universal Studios Japan), and imagine. It was 2 April, Tuesday, and when we went around 11am-ish, IT WAS ALREADY PACKED!

It was kinda cold.

Nadrah was already cranky too.

Woi. Baru masuk terus monyok?!

Tanak bergambo..

To lembutkan hati anak (dan sebab kita dah beli tiket USJ ni bukan murah yo. Kena do as much as possible to make this worth it!), first stop was Minions place thingy. I am not into Despicable Me, apalagi si minions ni, tapi i endured it for her.

Lined up for 2 HOURS to go on a ride, which lasts for about 10mins or less?

I was crying inside..

RAMAI MANUSIA.

*to show how ramai it was outside. and they're mostly locals.*

I told my friend this: i thought japanese are workaholics, but on a Tuesday, non holiday, from morning, most of the visitors there were locals! I was among the 5% of foreigner there, and 1 among the 10 people in hijab. 

That's how USJ thrive. 

And the fun part about this is that i get to see the locals dress up so passionately in whatever characters, like minions, hogwarts students, sesame street characters, and so many more! I wish i could show you the pictures but i didn't take their pictures because 1) i was too busy pushing nadrah on the stroller, 2) it was too cold and my hands were frozen around the stroller handles, 3) i don't have the permission to take their picture so i takut if anything, they will sue me. It can happen kan.

I don't know much about cars, like, i can't tell the difference between saga fl and regular saga.

But i can tell a Ford Anglia from afar.

Even when it's beaten up like this and tucked away.

VALKOMMEN TO HOGSMEADE MUGGLES!

MARIA WUZ HERE!

So you know how i sacrificed myself for nadrah's happiness right. Unfortunately, the love was one-sided. It was getting colder by the time we got to Hogsmeade, and nadrah just refused to wear her jacket and was cranky.. 😢

We got to go into the shops though!

I had one at UK's Warner Bros Harry Potter studios, and i didn't like it then.

Same here.

Too sweet but at least dapat rasa mehehee

Too bad we couldn't enjoy our time here that long. It started raining at one point, and then nadrah just couldn't take it anymore, so i had to take her back to the hotel.......... 😩

Tak dapat tengok the light show or whatever show malam tu..

But i'm happy anyways coz i get to buy the things i want and see what i wanna see.

We didn't go to any rides other than the minions one coz seriously, RAMAI SANGAT MANUSIA! Even with an express ticket, people still have to wait an hour for a ride. Imagine without one.

Sempat jumpa Hello Kitty. Heheeee

We also went to the sesame street side. There was like a playground and nadrah had fun there.

Basically, nadrah got the most out of USJ.

So i'm taking her syltherin headband.

The next day, we went to Tempozan Village. Have to take the ferry weee~

Before malapetaka

Selepas malapetaka.

Nadrah was running around and i kept telling her not to because the floor macam kesat kasar, like sandpaper-ish tu. And then she tripped. And her pants got ripped and her knees were bleeding.

What to do?

Got on the ferry, went to the shopping mall, bought new pants and plasters and antiseptic.

And then voila~

A lot of people recommended us to go to the Osaka Aquarium but we didn't go sebab macam.... My brother went before and he said rasa tak best sebab kesian tengok the fishes & whale all just swim around in a tank.. macam takde freedom. That said, mom & i pun tak rasa nak pergi.

Anyway, Tempozan mall, macam tu je la. Nothing special.

We saw Glico Man!

My mom didn't know what Glico man was. I said it's /the/ icon of osaka. Go osaka, see glico man, and you're done.

But she was like, "ha? apa tu?".

Ramai gila k nak bergambar kat glico man ni. This was in Shinsaibashi and there were street food, shops and macam macam la, but we didn't shop at all other than our dinner. Firstly, nothing much that stands out, and mahal.

I had this "benda ni malaysia pun ada. Why should i buy here kalau kat malaysia pun tak beli".

Heheheeeeee..

 The next day, we went to hunt cherry blossoms for my dear mother's satisfaction~

This baby ahjumma is my dotter.

@ Osaka Castle

Pic by baby ahjumma

Pink SAKURAAAA~~~

*no smell btw*

I have a perfume from Body Shop that's supposedly be sakura scented. But when we were there, these sakuras have no smell.

So i assumed that all these "sakura scent" products only created the scent to match the beauty of the flowers 💁

It was gorgeous though

Ke i yang gorgeous?

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA MUNTAH MUNTAH!

Had picnic at Kema Sakuranomiya Park, and i finally dapat rasa this red bean bread yum yummmm~

Seriously, park was so clean i was at the verge of tears.

Oh and because we went on a weekday kan, so there were loads of people in office attires having lunch picnics there. Best nya :')

If only Malaysia have that kind of weather: sejuk tapi sunny.

And clean. We'd be picnicking errrrday!

We also went to Sitennoji Temple.

It's been a month, and i still don't know why we went there.

It's just a huge temple, there were loads of tortoise, and ummmm.. it's a big land.

Use this opportunity to take photos of my besties.

Yes, my besties are my skincare.

:')

 That night, we went to Umeda Sky Building. It's like Menara KL, except we can go out and see the city view outdoors. It was really cold, but it was nice too!

Fluorescent adolescent

Fluorescent ahjumma.

Met a group of malaysians up here too!

:') So sweet of them to tegur me in japan, on top of umeda sky building, at night, in the cold.

It's really a meetup to remember!

Ummi gayat tapi ummi cool.

Next day: TOKYO!

Naik bullet train woohooo!

RIP ummi's back kena angkut bags + strollers

We went to look for Yozakura (night cherry blossom) near our hotel, and i asked the receptionist where to go and how to get there. She said we can walk to the nearest yozakura place at Meguro river and it should take 10minutes.

10 minutes later, lost.

We were lost and after asking around, it seemed that to walk to the river would take 1 hour on foot! Apeke gila.

So naik je la teksi.

Btw, duit kita habis kat naik teksi & makan je kat sana. Nak beli souvenirs sume kena fikir sejuta kali.

Oh well.

It's worth seeing this in real life.

My eyes were blessed.

Again.. RAMAI MANUSIA YA ALLAH!

In case you don't know, diorang ni suka minum arak kan, so at the sides of this river, the locals were drinking, taking pics, picnicking, there were couples, families, workers, macam macam jenis orang la. Best jugak tengok pe'el diorang. Imagine seeing old dudes in work clothes and being drunk & loud. They're like polite drunkards, unlike the ones i saw in Rome & UK many years ago. Those are scary.

The next day, we went on Sakura hunt again~

Fist up: Ueno Park!

MA.NU.SIA. RA.MAI. GI.LA!!

and most of them are locals.

i.. seriously..

It was a Saturday, and rupanya they all cop tempat awal-awal, and then they picnic there with their friends and all. You see the blue plastic terbentang tu? Tu la tempat diorang picnic. Kena book awal awal. Tapi mashaAllah ramai nya manusia.....

This is my romantic experience with my dotter.

After that, we went to Asakusa shopping district. Nak beli souvenir sikit tapi instead i got rimas sebab ramai sangat manusia.

Good thing it was cold, so i wasn't so annoyed. In the end, i didn't buy much pun sebab like i said, most stuff can be found in malaysia, unless you wanna buy the samurai/ninja/cultural stuff. They're kinda expensive so i just got things i can match with people i want to buy stuff for. 

Camtu laaa~~

We crossed the Shibuya crossings!

At first i was like "wah coolnya i'm crossing the roads!".

Then i was like "wth. i'm just crossing the road at the same time as everybody and why am i excited?"

Then, "what's the point of this again?"

Tourists. I swear.

 This was the highlight of our Tokyo trip, to be honest. For me la.

We had to buy the tix a day earlier sebab kita noob & sebab taknak lepas this experience.

SERIOUS BEST GILA.

FYI, we had to take our shoes off when entering coz there were places with water streams, pool, and mirror. 

This place was filled with water up to the knees. I biar je my pants basah. The whole place is quite dark too, so takde la rasa cam terlalu exposed because they want to heightened our senses, expecially touch, hearing & sight.

If you wanna know what this place is about, nah check out this link:

https://planets.teamlab.art/tokyo/

Sorry i can't explain in words, because it's truly an artsy experience. 💖

Saje je~

The next day, we went to DISNEY SEA~~~

Makcik Daisy & Nadrah membawang

We went on this ride.

Had to line up for an hour and this little ahjumma wasn't in her pleasant mood..

RIP ummi.

Good thing the weather was really nice, so we enjoyed la jugak. Walked around a lot and towards the end tu, we discovered this Little Mermaid place ni and Nadrah, me & my mom got on so many rides.

They were kiddie rides but seeing Nadrah enjoying them, i pun happy 😊

We saw the night parade and it was amazing!

I didn't take much photos at Disneysea.. Sebab there's too many things going on, so i kinda got lost in the moment. That's good la kan?

Means i enjoyed myself too eheheheee

Next day: DISNEYLANDDDDDD~

It was not a good weather day unfortunately.. That morning, it rained really heavily, so when we got to Disneyland, it was like mendung & sejuk gila.

Despite all that though, we got on so many rides!

Alhamdulillah the waiting lines weren't as long as USJ. Kalau tak. Aish.

Had to buy a towel as souvenir + to cover nadrah from the rain & cold sebab dia degil tanak pakai jacket.

We got this cute popcorn buckets too!!

Baby ahjumma!!

Usually they have night parades and whatnots kan, but due to the rain, some shows were cancelled 😭

There was 1 parade je la. 

After that 1 parade, it started raining more heavily. I had to go to the shops area where it was covered to escape the rain. My mom on the other hand, stayed at this gazebo place so that she could see the fireworks closer. It was too cold for me..

I memang allergic sejuk, but alhamdulillah got to see the fireworks too from afar. Nadrah tak nampak sangat sebab ramai orang and i tak nak angkat dia. Nyehehehehee =p

We had to brave through the rain to go back to our hotel. Dah la kena jalan jauh!! Hujan diorang bukan macam kat malaysia. IT WAS COLD aiyo. My feet were soaked to the bone. 

Nadrah was covered & bundled cozily in her stroller (we had the rain cover, thank Allah).

My mom & I habis basah loncon masa sampai hotel.

Kaki kitorang memang macam nak cabut je hahahha!

We went back home to KL the next day, and i actually looked forward to it.

Bila sampai je KLIA, i was HAPPY to be welcomed by the humid weather 😂

Serious.

So that's all of our activities in Japan!

Next posts, i'll probably share some "episodes" masa kat sana 😂

Loneliness is Good

So being a mom contains a lot of fun (and difficulty and challenges and cleaning and wiping and trying to understand what is going on with your kids) discoveries about the upbringing of our kids.

When i first started being a housewife, i felt super deprived.
I was deprived of my social needs.
For many years i have been surrounded by people and suddenly, i was alone with a weeping child and it was lonely.

I'm lucky and grateful that i live near to my parent's house which means my only socialising activities were around my mom. But still. I felt left out of my own circle.

Friends around me started talking about stuff that i gradually couldn't catch up with, and there were times i just listen and pretend to be part of something.

Lama lama, i just gave up.
I hate pretending and i hate feeling like i "need" to belong.

I belong to me.
I should be happy with me.
And my family, of course. Especially my kids, since i'm with them 24-7.

So i started on my own path away from my people.
Walking alone and facing my problems as alone as i could, and keeping all the stories to myself.

What i realised now after all these years, is that this is Allah's way of keeping me away from things i were participating in:
Gossiping
Bad mouthing
Unnecessary talking

I still have to control on my word vomit, but the big part was staying away from it.

If you're feeling lonely, left out and perhaps irrelevant, know that it's the only way we can learn to control ourselves.
If Allah doesn't present this "loneliness" to us, we probably gain more sins (nauzubillah min zalik), so maybe loneliness is not so bad!


Being by ourselves with our own thoughts, actions and words in control, it allows us to be who we truly are.

Don't be afraid of loneliness.

Accept it, and use it to be a better person.
InshaAllah =)

Cue lagu BSB =p
Hehehee!

Mommying at home

The other day, i solat isyak, pastu nadrah put a stack of diapers right where i aimed to place my dahi, pastu isaac pulak duk berguling guling dalam telekung.

And baru je ni, isaac gave me his rattler. I don't know why either, but it's the thought that counts kan?

=')

Sebenarnya, sejujurnya, i rasa segan sangat nak share pasal my own parenting journey sebabnya satu:

I'm not good at it.

Tapi i think it's safe to say all moms feel like this kot.

Ke i sorang...

Amboi korang.

=p

Namun itu, sebab ramai betul yang tanya kat dm instagram pasal tips ni la tips tu la, sampai i rasa cam... korang... please... itu semua instagram je!!!

In real life, parenting is.. A LOT.

Especially for a WAHM & SAHM, yang memang berkepit ngan anak anak ni. Simply because everything that your child is (gesturing a child), is because of you (points to self).

It's a HUGE pressure! We can't blame anyone else! Not the cikgu tadika, not the nursery (what nursery??), not our siblings. Kita la. Kita punya pasal. Kita tak pandai didik anak.

*lari sambil nangis*

We just want to create decent human beans! Ingatkan anak keluar je terus boleh duduk kaki simpuh makan tertib, minum pun tertib.

Realiti nya: berak merata, makan dan minum tertumpah sana sini, kita masak rasa sedap dah, tapi dia pulak tak nak, kita dah nak tido dah pastu muntah lak dia atas katil.

Hehehe!

It sounds funny, but it is extremely tiring. Tu baru bab mengemas.

Bab mengajar lak.. FUH! Kena bersabar level cikgu music tau!

If you think waiting for someone is the worst ever, try teaching a child who is not at all interested to.

Ahak!

Ok, dah dah. Cukup la nak ngutuk anak =p

Even with this huge pressure, memang dapat tengok anak membesar depan mata is one of the best things ever. Teringat lak dulu nadrah yang tak reti makan ngan tangan, sekarang dah pandai :') 

Dulu kita mandikan, sekarang dia pandai mandi sendiri.

Dulu kita pakaikan baju, sekarang dia pakai sendiri.

Dulu kita boleh suruh dia ambikkan air, sekarang dia suruh kita amik sendiri..... It was all because dia selalu suruh kita amikkan something masa i tengah buat something. I have 2 kids now kot, and only 2 hands! Kekadang tu tengah masak la dia nak kita carikan toy dia. Masa punggung ni baruuuuuuje sentuh kerusi, masa tu la dia suruh kita amikkan biskut.

Mana tak kita sakit hati?

"Nadrah, go take it yourself! Can you stop asking me to do things for you when you can do it yourself?"

I guess it's my fault. Tak cukup kesabaran. Masih tak lepas level ni.

So one day, Nadrah pun mula repeat after me.

"Nadrah, can you pass me the remote please?"

"Ummi, you can take it yourself. Why you always tell me to do this do that"

GAAASSSSSPPPPP!

I told you she's a teenager (in my previous blog post).

Ok ok now back to how wonderful parenting is.

Or should be.

Or would be.

There were times yang i wish i hadn't got kids so soon, astaghfirullah..
Because i haven't really puas travel the world, i haven't really completely followed my dream, and the list goes on.

I bet you moms pun pernah terfikir camni.
Ke i sorang?
Koraaaannnnnngggg T_T

Having travelled with nadrah without my husband, but with my 3 brothers and my mom in 2015, already made such a huge impact on all of us:

Do not travel with toddlers yang takleh duduk diam and cannot listen nor follow instructions.

I couldn't even finish blogging about the whole trip because halfway through our "holiday", everyone was just eager to go back home. So there weren't many nice memories.. Hahahahuhuuuuuwuwuuuu...

Since, we stick to just traveling within our country.

And here's the thing: We have as much fun here as anywhere else! Travel overseas boleh tunggu =')

Our recent trip to Butterfly Park

Forgive my poyo pose! ahahahahaha!! 

This was our recent adventure on the MRT

Kids enjoyed it so much!

Kids below 6 years old get to ride for free, so we went from one station to the end and back. Penat!! tapi best =D

From my 4 years of being a mom & working from home (with Marzea), i just learnt to accept and take it day by day.

A lot of things will be thrown to you new WAHMs, SAHMs.

Or maybe you'll be lucky that nothing will be thrown at you, syukur!

I just learn to accept that: 

1. i cannot live like those people who have financial freedom. 
2. my time will never be as flexible as i thought and wish it could. Kids, business, home heh.
3. my sanity is highly dependent on my kids' behaviour.
4. some people will always think i'm not doing anything other than relaxing at home.
5. some people will think i'm wasting myself, blablabla. ("belajar sampai masters tapi duduk rumah je yada yada yaddaaaa" - some typical remarks i get. serious!)
6. i will never get as much rest as i thought i'd get. 
7. some people actually think i have so much money. I'm being real at this part. I can't afford eating at fancy restaurants, or going out of my area too much, or even go out shopping (i window shop je lebih hehe.. It's a good sport!). It's too costly and i need to be saving money for the house and kid's expenses. Relates to point #1. I am dependent on my husband's income.
8. i can never ever be a perfect mom and i can never ever know if i'm doing this motherhood thing right.
9. i can never go back to the way i planned those years ago. Not the same weight, lifestyle, career.
10. my house will not be squeaky clean for a few more years. Bahahaha!
11. Additional: loneliness can be overwhelming. For a person like me who loved to go out socialising, being a WAHM was really really difficult. Numerous times i felt like slipping into depression because i hardly ever get to meet with friends. Well, 4 years has passed, and i'm still here! So alhamdulillah! There are times when i feel that loneliness creeping in but instead of making it an enemy, i try to embrace loneliness. I try different projects, and do something new. (currently, it's podcasting. More of that soon, inshaAllah!)

It took me a while to reach this state of accepting everything. I still do get hurt when i get tactless remarks for being a WAHM. But i try to brush it off as quickly as i can.

And about wishing i hadn't had kids so soon - well, it happens when i feel sh*tty that day. Biasa la kan! Sometimes it's PMS, sometimes it's the stress, and sometimes it's just because of being so tired.

Most days, i love them to bits and all those dreams, travel the world or doing more stuff i wanna do (when single), those things don't exist.  

It's the day to day achievements that i look forward to =')

To make myself a more productive person, i try and take the 'stress' away bit by bit. One of it was cleaning. Cleaning stresses me out because no matter how many times i clean, the house gets messy in an instant (snaps finger). So we get cleaners to come twice a week. Then my husband's work clothes. I send them to dobi dalam condo kita ni, so that helps a lot (because i really have no time to iron them. They're made of horror, those work clothes!). Husband now likes to buy groceries online, so that saves time and energy for me though some things i still have to get at the supermarket.

So maybe you moms can try to kurangkan la your workload by delegating them to other people. Kids kita still jaga la, but at least we don't waste so much on doing other things.

I am not comparing being a WAHM or SAHM to working moms. Let's just get over that comparing, siapa lagi penat, siapa lagi kesian blablabla. I'm just blogging this from my experience, since i am a WAHM. 

I admire working moms! I had wish that i can go back to working, but maybe not yet. Which is why i made Marzea! (my pencen income)

Being a parent is tough, but we become one anyway.

We enjoy those little and huge moments with our kids.

They fill our boring lives.

They make our life interesting.

They make all our hardwork, sweat and tears seem valuable.

We got this.

#UnitedMomsClub

WAHM = work at home mom

SAHM = stay at home mom

or generally a housewife.