Saturday, June 15, 2013

i'm Jane,

and i am a chinese muslim.

i just reverted last year, it was a beautiful experience and it has become a challenge since.

i found Islam in the most natural way; it was because of Prophet Muhammad SAW. as a former christian, i was told that the Prophet was a pedophile. he married a child, Aishah - and this, i use as my ammo to backfire the muslims who tried to talk me into Islam.
one day, i was just googling about life, inspirations, stuff like that because i was feeling very empty when i stumbled upon a tumblr that has all the inspirational quotes i needed, and they were all quoted by Prophet Muhammad SAW. i bookmarked that page and after a few months, i started to question about him, and thus began my journey towards Islam.

I love Islam, I love Allah and I love Prophet Muhammad SAW.

but still. 30 years of being a chinese cannot vanish overnight, and i don't want it to. i am chinese by ethnicity, it's just that i'm a muslim.
for some reason those malays who got to know that i'm a muallaf, they expect me to become malay. i should speak more malay, wear baju kurung, wear tudung, celebrate Raya malay style, lepak at mamaks like the usual malays do.
it's really annoying.

my colleague once asked me why i don't wear baju kurung at all and when i told her i don't like wearing it, she made a face that spoke a thousand words and i knew, i was judged.
it wasn't just her. but her whole gang.
they don't mix with me as friends (not that i minded, they were a group of gossiping makciks) but it made me disappointed. i mean, they have been muslims longer than me, they should know how to treat new muslim friends, heck, how to treat anyone! but that's them, going around with their tudungs blinged up and their baju kurungs clinging to their bodies, judging people, gossiping while working, and always always instagramming! it drives me crazy sometimes because i don't see why they can't prioritise work!
ok that's the chinese in me.

oh well. forget about them.

i wanted to start learning to read the Quran. i thought i could learn via internet, and it was ok at first, i managed to memorise Al-fatihah, Al-Ikhlas, Al-falaq, An-nas and all other doas in a prayer. but i went to a muslim convention a few months back and the Ustaz said that if we don't read the words properly, it will bring different meanings and our prayers may not be accepted, since we read everything wrongly.
i didn't know why i haven't thought of that. even in mandarin we have the same thing. we need to pronounce the letters properly or it will bring different meaning(s).

so i went to a mosque nearby my house. Alhamdulillah they have a mengaji class every thursday night for free!

now, here's my story.

it was about 2 months ago. my mengaji class starts straight after maghrib prayers, breaks for isyak prayers, and continues on till however long we can. i always stop at 10pm. the ustazah didn't seem to mind too coz she said she doesn't have anything better to do when she's back home. =)

so after my class ended that day, i realised an indian guy followed me to my car. at first i thought that he probably just heading the same way but he was there too the next week! i was freaked out then, that halfway i ran towards my car, and drove off in panic. but before the third week, i wanted to give him a piece of my mind.

before class, i remembered to use a different bag and bring only my essentials, like my Quran, my telekung, phone, IC and license. and after class, there he was. the indian guy who follows me to my car!
i have been plucking up my courage for that time, so i spun around and yelled,
"HEY! YOU MAU APA HA?! YOU INGAT SAYA TAKUT KA!? SAYA PANGGIL ITU JAGA KALAU YOU MARI DEKAT! YOU SAPA HA!?!"

i could tell he was shocked coz i saw the whites of his eyes widened and he raised his hands in surrender. he stuttered a bit, then said,
"sorry miss! saya cuma nak make sure you sampai your car dengan selamat! malam malam bahaya tau kat sini! sorry miss!"

walauwei. i was shocked leh. this indian guy wanted to teman me? so i asked, more calmly, "you.. you buat apa sini juga?"

he answered "saya pun baru keluar masjid"

i asked "you muslim?"

suddenly he laughed, and i felt so stupid! what kind of question is that!?

he answered "ye la! takkan bukan kot!"

he sounded so malay despite looking like an indian, i thought. i hesitated for a while to ask my next question.. this guy was still patiently waiting, not making any moves towards me.

i asked "you... indian?"

he smiled softly and said "mamak".

at this point, i was just embarrassed. i just wanted to go home as it was becoming alarmingly awkward.
i just said "ok, assalamualaikum" and ran into my car and drove home.

we became friends shortly after.

oh! a few days ago, we were waiting for our burgers at the burger stall at our housing area. he was drinking a can of laici drink and i was chewing a gum.

we were talking about serious topics, when he asked me how come i don't wear tudung?
i rolled my eyes. "not you too.. look, how come just because i'm the muallaf here, i have to be more islamic than others? how come i have to wear jubah and tudung, whereas there are so many other malay girls who CONFIRM are muslims prancing around holding hands with guys they're not married to, wearing bikinis to the beach, NOT WEARING TUDUNG AND JUBAH (stressed this part), wearing more revealing clothes than i've ever had, even when i was a christian, drinking alcohol, and all that haram stuff? why do i get the pressure and not them? if you're going to quote me Surah An-Nisa ayat 30 to 31, it's ok. i know it off by heart. i want to cover up, but why should i do it just because it's what expected of me? i'll wear tudung when i want to."

he sipped thoughtfully, but he didn't say anything. well, he shouldn't. but i asked him what he thought about it anyway.

"what you said, was more or less what my sister said" he said.

i asked "does she wear tudung now?"

he was silent for a while, sipping his laici little by little. "she would've. if she knew she didn't have more time".

"what do you mean?" i asked.

he sighed, looked at me directly and said "she meninggal dunia. last year. accident."

i just starred at him with my mouth hanging slightly opened. we changed topic immediately after a few seconds. when we got our burgers, we both left, and i just couldn't get our conversation out of my mind. that night i cried and repented about how arrogant i've been to Allah SWT.
He has blessed me with life, Islam, opportunities, and many more, but just because i don't want to satisfy people's expectations of me being a revert, i have turned away from His commands. i was waiting to see other people change into my expectations - that's the truth.
but life is given by Him, and He can take it anytime, anywhere.. i've read the Quran's translations and even though i didn't memorise enough, i know that if we were given a knowledge, we should act upon it because if we ignore it, it will make us among the hypocrites. nauzubillah..

i cried to sleep too that night.

now, i am wearing tudung. i don't wear the fancy kinds like my colleagues do, i just wear the express type because it's easy to wear. i'm trying to get used to wearing long sleeves and socks. it's not as easy as i hoped.. i have too many short sleeved tops and my cardigans are too thick! and socks with sandals is too weird. but it's the right thing to do! i have to suck it up, go through it day by day, and in sha Allah it'll be a breeze.

as for him, i don't know. there's something about my mamak friend that makes me become a better person.

maybe Allah SWT is setting us up?

hahahaha! maybe!


............... amiiiin! hehe!


//not related to anyone. story is only made up and inspired by real reverts. saje je buat cerpen.//

//my grammar tonggang langgang, and ayat macam tak tersususn sangat, but please just don't mind it ekk!  =)//

89 comments:

CikMaddi said...

Terbaik :D

mujadafewa.my said...

the best ever!!! based on true story ek? if it were, hope both of them end up the way i want, married. hehe

Adib Veron said...

Wuuuu so deep :')

fatin farzana hamid said...

inspiring.. :)

Carl Lesmana said...

yeah inspiring . terbaik kak maghia .

Haryati Akmal Borhan said...

nice

Hani Si Blogger Picisan said...

Ya Allah..betul ke ni bukan cite betul? (amende aku tulis ni?). Really inspiring. Thank you Maria. Semoga sentiasa dalam lindungan kasih-Nya

Norizan Nordin said...

Really inspiring..insha Allah this kind cerita sikit banyak dapat membantu people to understand about Islam..kee on writing whether it is based on true story or not..just love it <3

Nurfaezah Abdullah said...

wow nice story and a bit touching

Fitria said...

nice story

Nazeera Yahya said...

oh dear , ingat cerita betul , nak nanges ni ...

but , its not ... so awcem cerpen ni ....

Nazeera Yahya said...

oh dear , ingat cerita betul , nak nanges ni ...

but , its not ... so awcem cerpen ni ....

Ma'am IEDA said...

Terbaekkk... There is no other time to become a better Muslims, than NOW. aamiinnn...

A.Z.I.R.A said...

ini cuma cerpen yg direka?? just like real story! :)

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Fazy Fazira said...

so inspiring kak maria, as a muslim pun bukan semua pakai ikut syariat islam. well, always look back kenapa Allah still bagi kita peluang utk hidup kan, yes . utk kita berubah . eventhough not drastically change, at least take a first step. :)

ririst chan said...

Ah, it's perfect story.. sedih dan terharu mendengarnya, I'm a hijabi from Indonesia, And I followed you for a long time, read your blog post, and inspired..
Nice Post, Loveee it.. :)


Rist!
ristlicious.blogspot.com

Schajar McFlurry said...

nice and enough inspiring :)

Nurul Nad said...

so deep!! i love u kak mariaaaa :) fi sabilillah

Autumn (Mrs Gaeul 가을) said...

I feel your pain as a convert with a lot of what you say... well, culture is not haram as long as it doesn't conflict with commands by Allah (swt) so keep your identity! Here, there is more pressure to be more Arab but it's not me and there is no shame with my culture.

Islam is perfect, but darn some Muslims can be something else! :(

:.syUe.: said...

thought it was a real story,but still such a deep story.
thanx for sharing the message through this story, :)

keli menari said...

=) ILOVEMARIA!

LelakiS said...

nice.

alyatard said...

HAHAHA! No wonder the story (aka amoi tu) rempang semacam! Deep and inspiring, well done!

Nurul Farahizzati said...

hihi.. besh... kalau bagi Lana Nordin baca, okeyh gak.. hakhak.

LaLa mhdnor said...

superb cerpen kak ena =D

noly anna said...

sangat menginsafkan.tq:)

Shafina Othman said...

meremang bulu roma baca ni..

Jαnnαhツ said...

mantoppp... siap bleh karang cerpen. ni bleh buat skrip utk cerekarama tv3 nie. hahaha... siyes

Nur Adibah said...

saya ingat ni kak maria punya cerita! haha nasib baik baca sampai bawah

Anis Sakinah said...

seriously, awesome & touched!
Teruskan mengarang kak maria. Ada bakat & potensi, hehehhe

Anis Sakinah said...

seriously, awesome & touched!
Teruskan mengarang kak maria. Ada bakat & potensi, hehehhe

Unaizah said...

Hit so deep at the right place!! Well-thought entry. Akak ni in the process to be 100% berhijab - betul-betul tutup aurat seperti suruhan Allah. Thank you for this "wake-up" entry :-)

Emon Maimon said...

Such a beautiful story!

nohas said...

Nice one...hidayah itu datang dalam pelbagai cara & keadaan..

skunksenn zone said...

good try..love this story :)

psychopaths said...

you got right thing to say there. and its inspiring me A LOT! it takes thousands courage for us to become a better muslim. but dont be hesitate to change because Allah will always lead us to the right path.

Maria Elena Zarul said...

heee.. thank you all for the comments!
just wanted to share the perspective of a muallaf, how some people expect them to be cultured as a malay just because they're muslims.
and also the hijab part. =)

thank you so so muchhh!
walaupun malu nak share sebab my writing takde la hebat mana =B

love u all!

Sarah Zulkifli said...

tak tau nak cakap ape ...... best sgt :)

Qaisara Idrus said...

I was so touched to read it to the end and tiba tiba nampak "
//not related to anyone. story is only made up and inspired by real reverts. saje je buat cerpen.//"

and I was like, "WHAT?!" hahhaahh. sabo je la. If only this was a true story :')

Wan Zuraida said...

maria, first time comment kat blog ni. rs mcm segan pula.

cerpen ni sgt bgs. igtkan masa baca tu real story. moga2 cerpen ini dpt di terbitkan di mana2 majalah atau akhbar. sgt bgs. bukan utk yg revert shj malah utk muslim sdiri. :)

tahniah

dyen said...

great story comes from a chosen people. Inspiring & touched! May Allah blessed u always Maria;)

mimiEhalim said...

terkesan sgt2! thx ahkak.. =))

Epelijau said...

Subhanallah.

The Weirdo said...

the best .

ndia :) said...

I like this! And really deep too huu

heany yusry said...

Maria baca dari mana? share it with us her blog ke maybe?

Najwa Napri said...

kak maria, this is so walaweh..
subhanallah..

because we've been there,
try not to satisfied others with what they expect from us..

but the conclusion is good: dun satisfy other than ALLAH..
subhanallah..thanks ALLAH, thanks kak maria

nurin nadzlah said...

Buckets of tears worthy. Minta permission Kak Maria to share this cerpen up on my blog, hope you don't mind :)

ATIQAH SAHMAH said...

This is the best n inspiring cerpen ever! Way to go kak maria! :D

zeera said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
zeera said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
zeera lily said...

is this a real story?

faieza malik said...

yah.. inspiring ..to be a better person..

mummy_icha said...

well. I wept at the end of this. i wish i can spread this especially to those around me who thinks wearing tudungs and covering aurat are not important being muslim :-))

Nur Tasha Amir said...

Salam, kak Maria, minta izin share story ni di blog saya ye? Thank you, may Allah bless :') So touched by this story sampai menangis :') Thanks kak Maria. May Allah bless you, your husband, your family and also, the baby. Hihi. May Allah loves you, kak Maria :') Assalamualaikum!

equals D said...

you maria, you and your way to touch people's heart so unintentionally.

thanks for this cerpen. means a lot :)

Tengku Izzah Farahana Tengku Yahya said...

assalam kak maria, mohon share dekat fb =)

Pnutz Lotpi said...

Wow..so deep :') inspiring..

saye pendatang baru..do follow me ye http://pnutzlotpi.blogspot.com/

Nuriesya Nadia said...

Inspiring much mommy to be ! ^_^

Fuzah said...

i heart this post!! thank you Maria!!..

Aliff Haikal said...

May Allah bless her ! :)

Diana Abdul Molok said...

:-) Indirectly, satu nasihat dan teguran yang sangat berkesan di hati saya.

NANA said...

good story :D

kadang-kidang kita saje je buat cerpen,supaya kita dapat expresskan apa yang terbuku dihati dan dikepala,tapi kalau untuk kearah kebaikan apa salahnya..

http://www.thepurpleroomz.com/

Unknown said...

nice one..u should publish novel as islamic based.. =)

Muhammamd KhaldunZubaidi said...

nice story. :D

firdaus m said...

nice story, thumbs up, alhamdulilah

masnayli said...

join my first GA :)

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cik jaja said...

i thought it was real story..
btw,thumbs up!

QisNadi said...

subhanallah, I thought that it was real story.. mcm nak tau je apa yg berlaku next, samada jane dgn mamak tue ke.. hihi
I'm inspiring with this story.. thanks kak maria ^_^

Ain Dzaya said...

inspiring me :p

Ain Dzaya said...

inspiring me :p

Ain Dzaya said...

inspiring me :p

Ain Dzaya said...

inspiring me :p

Ain Dzaya said...

inspiring me :p

Ain Dzaya said...

inspiring me :p

shoriful islam said...

this is a very good article.I am impressed. I come back again.




bdnews

farah izzati said...

kak maghiaaaaa!!! i igtkn true story, hewhew. sgt2 bagus!! :)

Ismaizzah Aliah said...

Awesome!
Ingatkan kisah benar -,- patut la bahasa pencerita macam sama dgn bahasa kak maria..
But again, all in all, awesome!
Write more cerpen kak maria! Terutamanya cam ni, best! Bermanfaat sgt
:)

Ansuhanyekas said...

Its a real good story,applied to all muslims,if we think we have other times to change,think again,subhanAllah thanks kak Maria for this story :)
Akak,nak betulkan sikit boleh?ayat tu ayat surah An-Nur kan?surah An-Nur ayat 30-31,kan?
Jazakillahukhairan kathira :)

Amirah Mahat said...

Stabbed on the chest. Hehe. MasyaAllah

Anlyxiao Yang said...

Lingerie sexy

rin said...

elena. it is cool. i am muslim. and iam on my way to be better muslimah. i really do respect and inspired you anyway...=) sorry english berterabuq.

Hairiah Fauzan said...

kak maria,seriously cerpen ni buat saya terfikir dan terharu.its really inspiring me to be a better muslimah.ini memang realiti zaman sekarang.thanks sis for the story.i really love it.

arjunasetia said...

Syukur Alhamdulillah, tahniah atas penulisan yang jujur dan menyedarkan. Semoga dipermudahkan oleh akan segala urusan dunia dan akhirat. Amin

Azri Johan said...

bookmark

misaeh_po! said...

MasyaAllah Maria..its a goood story!!! proud of you.. i think this kind of way u try to dakwah people tru this kind of story is briliant!! keep it up girl..may Allah bless us all.. amin:)

Nas Lie Yan T said...

Adik!!!
Nak gugur airmata akak ni dik oi...
opss.. Assalamualaikum
Harap adik sihat walafiat.
Anyway, Thank you very much coz sharing nice story.

~ hu hu hu ~

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