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Sunday, December 9, 2018

Losing & Living

Wow lama gila tak blogging..

Already, 6 days have passed since Tokwan left.
She left on 3rd Dec 2018.

To be honest, everyone was expecting it because she has been in and out of the hospital since the beginning of the year, and has been irresponsive since november.

My mom & i even went to kelas pengurusan jenazah so that we know what to do if and when it happens.

We were all pretty prepared.

Other than Tokwan, Tokmak hasn't been well too.
My husband's grandparents too.

The oldies weren't doing so well that i got anxiety problems because of it. Not because of them, but for irrational reasons, i thought of my future: how my life will end.

My grandmas both got sick in completely different ways and it made me scared of how i'll grow old.
I thought i was living kinda ok. I don't go out much, i don't eat much nonsense, i put my effort, time & energy into Marzea and my family. So basically, i was just.. camtu la.
But i wasn't really growing.
I usually have my yearly goals, and this year, i kinda did things halfway here and there.

Alhamdulillah, i got on board again on reaching my goals.
And the thing about my goals, they don't have a time limit. I want it to be continuous, and i want to stay consistent with it. For example, reading.

I had read some books earlier this year and because i was kind of addicted to my phone, i was more on the phone than reading.
So around August, i just decided to stop instagramming because i was looking at it most of the time. And to say i gain something from looking at instagram.... no. i didn't gain much.

Then, i just stopped. Not completely, but it got to a point that i can live on without opening my ig, sometimes for weeks (till now).

I realised i had more time since i stopped snooping into other people's lives. So i started reading again and i've read so much!
I've started walking too on some mornings at the park. At least it's a free workout and i get to be around nature which really helped with my anxiety (tremendously).

I just feel like i've lived, and then i went on autopilot, and then i want to take control again.
I'm kinda annoyed that it took me so long to take the steering wheel back.. and it had to be my sick grandmas to make me see that i lost control of it.

To start is the hardest part. But once i took the step, there's no looking back.

My Tokwan had lived with my family since i was 14. She had been there during my rebellious times, my adulthood, and motherhood. She taught me read the Quran too.
She loved cooking and gardening, and she would remember to make our favourites on our birthdays.
Because of how she lived passionately, i want to live that way too.
I want to be able to live so that i can die with the knowledge that i've done everything i wanted, everything i could, and learnt as much as i could.

Alhamdulillah, i dapat mandikan & kapankan arwah tokwan with my own hands. I don't know if i've ever repaid her kindness in living, but at least i dapat berkhidmat at that moment..
Arwah tokwan didn't have daughter, cuma 2 daughter-in-laws and i was the only cucu perempuan around masa tu. But alhamdulillah, it really felt enough.

May Allah swt forgive her and accepts all her good deeds. May Allah swt place her among the solihin & sadiqin.

Ps: So so sorry kalau you macam ???? with this post.
I pun tak tau how to properly convey my feelings huhu..

Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Weekend at Legoland!

Hello everyone!

We went to Legoland again this year! (Shall this be something yearly? Hmmmm....)
Anyway, it was great! 😃

Hubs & i intentionally did not tell our kids about Legoland because i know for sure, FOR SURE, that they will be so excited and then will pester us (me mostly) with questions like, "ummi, when are we going?", "can we go to legoland?", "is it today?", "legoland?" and blablabla and i will have to remind Nadrah (because she'll be the one pestering me..) again and again about the plan.

So i want to save myself. And my sanity. Hehehe..

Since we were going to stay for 2 nights, lepas friday prayers we went to pick up the kids and straight away head to Johor Bahru.
It was about 4 hours drive and it was really boring. Hehehe!! 😝

Now onto our Legoland adventure!
Last time we went there, we covered the "sight-seeing" part. So this time we went on rides more and went to see other places we missed out. Isaac is 2 years old already so he pretty much could go on most kiddy rides.
We didn't even bring stroller and it was ok! I was worried at first, but alhamdulillah we survived!

Nadrah meeting an old friend ;')
Bukannya dia tau pun si singa ni haha!

Meet my kids everyone. Takleh duduk diam =p

This hot-faced boy

I think we spent about 2 hours walking around, and then we had to head back to the hotel because it started raining.. 😕
It was good anyway coz the kids dah start cranky.
We rested, ate and played with legos in the room, and the kids were pleasantly occupied! Ummi & Abah yang tertidur hehehehee 😅

Some pieces were missing because one of the kids had a tantrum.
Ehem. Nadrah. Ehem.

After the rain's gone, we went back into Legoland~
The Castle area is the place to be, because there're lots of activities the kids (and grown ups) can enjoy, other than going on rides.
The Brick-or-Treat Night Party, which basically goes on the whole day on Friday & Saturday throughout October.


Isaac & Nadrah's first "rumah hantu" experience nyeheheheee.. 😈
If you're going to Legoland, bawak je masuk! It's just like arts & crafts halloween project kinda thing. Hehe!

Nadrah was amused with this mirror in the Castle of Grim.

High five, makcik witch!

We saw the Monster's Parade, where there were Lego characters & people in scary costumes parading around the Castle area.
Kids were like 😲 
Parents were like 💃

All around the castle area are activities that the kids can enjoy (and win prizes!!).
There's Speed Building Activity and Hut Activity Trail.
They can actually win prizes up to RM 500 worth of stuff!
Nadrah only won candies 😂

This is a nice photo 😍

Nadrah & ummi on the train ride thingy hehehe!

Then, we watched Chima in 4D.
Nadrah loved it a lot because of the effects 👍

Her fave. Entah apa nama pakcik ni, but when we went to this Ninjago place, she was so excited!
Isaac & i got on the ride inside this place, but she didn't coz she was too engrossed with building lego-ninjago-thing.

We got on more rides but towards the evening, it started raining again.
But it's ok coz the kids were tired out and good thing we covered a lot too! Puas!

On our last day, we only had a few hours before we had to check out of the hotel, so apa lagi!

I love how the swimming pool provides safety vests and those lego bricks can float!
The chewren loved it!

Eh, makcik ni.

Makcik ni ada buat video summary la of our short vacay. If you're going to Legoland, i hope you will enjoy it as much (or more) as we did!

Here are more details that i got from their website.

Brick-or-Treat Party Nights (Fridays & Saturdays | From 5.00pm to 8.00pm)
Special admission ticket at RM 88/ SGD29*

Exclusive for Premium Pass Holders
(Fridays & Saturdays | 1st – 30th October)
Bring a friend for FREE

FREE admission for Kids (aged 3 – 11)
(From 1st – 30th October)
FREE entry for kids in full Halloween costumes

For more details, click here k!

Monday, July 30, 2018

Taking Care To The Next Level

Salam & hi peeps!

Ok this is something i saw on the internet and i find it to be so funny 😂

So this guy said there's one reason why your old friend who you haven't met for many years is suddenly so eager to see you:
To sell insurance

I laughed so hard at this!

Ok jokes aside, insurance (or in other words, takaful) is very important!

I have been insured for as long as i can remember.
My dad got insurance for us, his kids. And then when we started working, we take over with the maintenance of the takaful.
Mine had to be completely different when i started working as an engineer sebab i had to go offshore, manufacturing factories, and fabrication yard.
Then i changed again when i transformed into a domestic engineer 😂 and my husband is taking care of it now. Husband also got insurance for our kids.

Actually, i used to be very ignorant about takaful but because i used to live with my grandma since i was a teenager, i saw how very useful having takaful is.
My grandma often go in and out of the hospital and it made me ponder.. I don't want to burden my family with financial problems if anything happens to me and i certainly cannot bear the thought of not being able to provide the best care to my family if anything happens to them.

That's why i believe that every family should be insured. I'm not an insurance agent but i am glad my husband has very good understanding of it.
He said to me, and i quote, safety is very important for his family (awwwww!!), and it is his main priority. And right now, our kids are really our world.

Even in every life, we make sure we do whatever we can in our power to protect our kids.

We just never know what's gonna happen in our future.
As parents, of course we try to make sure that we prepare ourselves and our kids for the worst and pray that Allah will always protect us.

So if and when we need it, inshaAllah with our insurances, we have the financial security.

And that's what this blogpost is for.
To spread awareness and to give you the idea of the importance of takaful.

If you're looking, PruBSN Impian offers you the comprehensive protection plan.
They have this Bundle of Joy for your child(ren), from the time they're in their mommy's tummy sampai la ke 25 years old. 
In this package they have 4 riders: Infant Secure, Vital Care Plus, Health Protector and Takaful Saver Impian.
The kids can choose to continue and take over their insurance when they reach 25 years old.
With this PruBSN Impian Package, kalau medical problems, accidents and all that, inshaAllah the fees will be covered.
But of course you need to make sure of the details of the takaful you're signing up for.

I hope for all parents out there that has yet insured your child(ren), do consider this PruBSN Impian. You can obtain more information from this website (click here).
Like i said, i'm not an agent so i gain no benefit from this, except that it may help you do what's best for you & your family. 

Sayang 💝

Sunday, July 15, 2018

I'm Not The Same Again

Hello hellooooow~

So i've been meaning to blog more but seriously my computer is so slow, i get stressed out before i can even start!
Nak repair, malas sebab nak kena keluarkan duit.
I already spent so much for my car's repair 😭

So much has happened but i jadi malas nak share and when i do share, i jadi malas nak explain 😅
It's so weird.
Because the "me" that i used to know and be, used to not mind explaining and telling a story from beginning to the end. Even if it means repeating myself many times. I enjoyed talking.
Now, i just summarise and if orang tu faham, then good. Kalau dia tak faham, i won't repeat or explain further. I just biar je.

Told my husband about it, and it's as if we switched personalities.
He was supposed to be the Introvert, and me the Extrovert.

Now, i'm the Introvert and he's the Extrovert. 
He sees his friends more than i've ever seen mine.
He's even more active on whatsapp than i am! I nak reply whatsapp kat my own family group pun rasa macam terpaksa.

I used to be able to talk to anyone, strangers and friends.
Now, i stay away from strangers and only choose to talk to people i know personally.

Take an example from recent raya open house. I had to 'mingle' around, and i found it so difficult and uncomfortable. I just wanted to go home and relax.
But i forced myself to because i told myself i don't want to sabotage myself.
And at the end of the day, i was soooo tired and i fell asleep super early.
I told my husband about it, and he said, that was how he felt at social settings.

What is happening to me?

It's so strange.

My husband said it's probably because i've been alone for a long time, that i have probably adapted the introvert personality.

I wonder if that's true.

So i took the personality test (at
and YUP.
I'm an introvert now! 😂

It's so strange.
But it makes so much sense now.

It is strange because i literally am really different than before, and i didn't know it!

To be honest, the whole purpose of me doing this blogpost was to write about how lazy i am at explaining myself to people, to the point that i become super lazy at sharing stuff on social media, but i force myself anyway because i thought i was sabotaging myself. 😂

What is happening to me, seriously.
Oh well!

Maria The Fun One, has turned into Maria The Socially Awkward and Boring Mom.

Even my kids don't want to hang out with me because i'm boring and garang. Hahahahaha!!
Story of my life 🙆

What have you done to me?!!?

Friday, April 13, 2018

#Peargirlsproblem gone out of control!

Wah lama gila tak update blog!

Sorry ye T_T

The reason why i haven't been blogging, is because i feel like i've been doing enough of sharing through my vlogs and podcast.

In case you didn't know, i have been updating my videos quite frequently, and the podcast is on every week!
This is my recent vlog -

As for podcast pulak, you all know i share my tips and have discussions about parenting with invited guests.
Super informative!

Podcast boleh dengar kat sini -

Other than that, my personal mission right now is to lose weight (and this is something i don't share anywhere else bahaha!).
Not because i want to fit in raya clothes or anything like that.
I just want my pear shaped body to look less... pear-y? I just wanna lose fat from waist down because even i get distracted by how distracting it is.
Know what i mean ke? #peargirlsproblem T_T

Whenever we go out, I always ask my husband:
"Yang, my bu** jiggling ke?"
and then jalan depan dia so that he can check it out for me.

And he'll always say:
Sometimes, he 'encourage' me even further by saying:
"Your bu** memang selalu jiggle kot"

It's like, no matter how loose my clothing is, it will always be obvious, and i really hate that!
What's the point kita beli baju besar besar, keep wasting money, if my backside don't wanna control itself kan. I punya la nak jaga aurat, tapi si bonbon ni taknak berhijrah lagi. So annoying! >.<

Since i cannot afford liposuction (yes, i considered it! bahahaha!!) and gym and personal trainer and whatever online coaching, so i have to workout.
And being a pear shape, memang bottom half ni la paling susaaaaaahhhh nak turun. 

But nevermind. If other people could do it, i should be able too.
I've been controlling my diet too and alhamdulillah ok la, boleh control lagi.

Now it's cardio + workouts.
Doakan ek i boleh lose weight so that i can cover my aurat better! (and be healthier!)
InshaAllah =')

You have #peargirlsproblem gak ke?
If you have succeeded getting rid of lower half punya fat, please please advise me on how you did it!

Thank you so much T_T
I hope you all lepas ni jangan la judge my bonbon ek..
Doakan dia berhijrah. Hehehehhee =p

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

My first Weekly Vlog!

I've stopped making youtube videos couple of years ago because of these reasons:
1. I got married. I didn't want to give people some 'ammo' to diss my husband, saying he doesn't "didik bini dia". 
2. I got comments like "kesian bapak dia" and stuff, and those comments yang actually made me reflect on #1.
3. I got lazy too. Recording wasn't as easy as it is now. Dulu camera takde flip screen. Many times i shot videos that were out of focus and tak dengar, so i gave up. Bahahahaha =p
4. Editting pun payah dulu. Now there're more friendlier softwares. So yeah.

After so long, and 2 kids later, baru i rasa macam "this isn't going to be as hard as before. Jom cuba balik?".

I recently start making short videos on instagram (#ummipeliks) and i felt like i can have fun doing it now. 

And then i got a new camera sebab my old one dirosakkan (ehem.. ada orang tu hempas kan bag where i put my camera in.. habis rosak langsung camera tu.. sayang), and i like how the camera punya video quality. It's an EOS M6, in case you're wondering.

So then, i began shooting some shots and then got inspired to make a weekly vlog, because daily is too crazy and most likely be boring.
Here it is!

Now i make videos with more care & love (sebab it involves my family) and like i said, it's easier now hehe!

Btw, in case juga, i edit my video with Filmora on computer.

I don't know how to end this.
So bye!

PS: What should i call my weekly vlog? 

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

#UnitedMomsClub : Autism

Assalamualaikum & what is up!

So we've made 3 parts for our podcast talking about Autism with our friend and guest, Aishah Amin.

Just a lil bit of background, Aishah's eldest son is moderately autistic. And so we discussed and try to understand more about children of the spectrum.

Nowadays, alhamdulillah the exposure and awareness of disorders like autistic, down syndrome, ADHD, Asperger, even eating disorder, etc are good as compared to like, 5 years ago.

I've seen some people having meltdown in public and dulu, orang selalu ingatkan the parents macam tak reti ajar anak kinda thing.. Now, it's so different! People who are understanding offers help to the parents, give kind words and are more patient. There's even a cafe called The Autism Cafe Project!
Check that out heeeeerrreeeee!

I don't know if you remember iklan raya 2017 but I bet you watched it too, sebab ni iklan raya kot. And iklan raya, you know la how touching gila iklan masa raya!! Haha!
Kalau lupa, nah.
Please refresh your memory =p

Amazing kan =')

I have the highest respect for parents with special children =')

Talking to Aishah about autism really did made me understand so much about autism, eventhough we were only touching the surface. She was a lecturer so tu yang dia pandai convey her knowledge & experience!
I really urge you to listen to our 3 episodes on it and hopefully it will make you respect, understand, and be kind to people who are different and special, and inshaAllah know what to do when we see people who needs help.

Who knows, sometimes even the smallest of gestures like offering tissue, or a smile, can give such relief to others who are distressed and can even make them feel stronger and patient.

So come and have a listen if you haven't already!
Episode 11, 12 & 13 k! =D

So as usual,
my awkward sign off,