Search This Blog

Tuesday, June 25, 2019

How to get rid of Hasad

Assalamualaikum everyone!

After so many times being asked about how to not compare, not feeling insecure, not being jealous of others, dan sewaktu dengannnya, i think it's best for me to just make a post about this.

That feeling you feel when you look at others and then start comparing them to you, is called Envy.
Envy is Hasad.

ENVY (noun)
- a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck.

So maybe you taknak acknowledge yang you sebenarnya tengah dengki dengan orang lain. That's fine. I tak cakap you salah or whatever pun.

But if you know that you have this 'feeling', and you don't like feeling it, you're ashamed of it and you want to stop it, then come. I'll try to help you as much as i can.

Please read this excerpt:

Purification of the Heart
By Hamza Yusuf

I am not an expert, and i'm not saying my methods are 100% suitable for everybody.
I'm sharing this from my own experience and i hope that it can somewhat help you, or inspire you to find ways to help yourself.

In the end, it is all up to you.

1. Of course, most importantly, talk to Allah about it.
In your doas, in your sujud, in the car, when you're all alone, when you're feeling it because that person is in front of you or appeared on your timeline, or contacted you, anytime and as many times as you can, talk to Allah about it.
It can be as conversational as you'd like, or in doa form.

For example:
"Ya Allah, please help me. I am feeling such hasad for *name*, and i hate that i'm feeling like this. I don't want to feel this because i want to be a good person, someone worthy of Syurga Firdaus. I want to be able to talk/see/etc with *name* without feeling any ounce of envy. Help me Ya Allah, You know me better than I know myself, so help me get over this test successfully"

Thing is.. Most times our emotions come without being summoned. And it is unfortunate that it has to be an ill-feeling..

Anyways, when you're alone, in a safe space, talk (as in with your normal voice ok, not just bisik bisik) with as much sincerity and honesty. Allah SWT doesn't judge you, so don't have to worry about that. Talk until your heart hurts from the pain of hating feeling envious of others. Tell Him that you're ashamed of it. Tell Him that you want to stop that feeling. Tell Him that you hate it too for feeling it. Talk until your eyes water. 

2. Amalkan baca surah Al-Falaq.

Try to hafal (memorise) the meaning of this surah.
As you can see, this surah is already a template for doa to Allah to help remove 'the evil of which He created'.

When in your solat, one of the first rakaat, recite this surah. And when you recite, do it knowing what the ayat means. This also helps with khusyuk.

Of course you can also recite this whenever that feeling comes. 

3. Doa for the person.
I believe that this is very hard for you, isn't it? You tengah insecure/jealous dengan orang tu, nak doa baik baik pulak untuk dia! 
Haha! But seriously though. Make doa for that person.

For example:
"Ya Allah, please shower *name* with Your blessings. He/she/them are happy so please give them eternal happiness dunia akhirat. Protect them from the evils of the world and forgive them. Forgive me too ya Allah for my hasad. Save me from this feeling."

Here's why i suggest this::
Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda, maksudnya:
“Doa seorang Muslim untuk saudaranya yang dilakukan tanpa pengetahuan orang yang didoakannya adalah doa yang akan dikabulkan. Pada kepalanya ada seorang malaikat yang menjadi wakil baginya, setiap kali dia berdoa untuk saudaranya dengan sebuah kebaikan, malaikat itu berkata ‘aamiin dan engkau pun mendapatkan apa yang ia dapatkan.’
Basically, when you pray for someone else, you're praying for yourself.
So pray good things for others, and inshaAllah you'll get the benefits too. It's a win-win situation!
But do it with sincerity. It is hard at first, but what test isn't?
Do it until you can look into that person's eyes and feel nothing & can be genuinely happy for them.

4. Try to control yourself.
Yes you depend on Allah to help you, but you too must help & save yourself.

If this person is on your virtual world, you can always opt to "mute" them. Unfollow, delete, or hide. Whatever it is, you can just hilangkan that person from your online world.

But if this person is in your physical world, then there are 3 options.
a) avoid the person. Just for a while, and please don't do it so obviously. I mean... you're already hating yourself for having this feeling, why make other people hate you too? And whatever it is, please do not involve other people in this. Jangan pulak membawang, mengutuk orang tu, just because hearing other people being on your side makes you feel good about yourself. Also, jangan sibuk hal dia. Don't ask people about their updates, or whatever. Just don't cari pasal please.
Starve yourself from any "bawang material". You don't need those.
Camane nak jawab kat Allah nanti? You ask for help but you slander that person.

b) tell the person about it. If you're the confrontational type, that is. 

c) If it's family, camane nak avoid kan? It is difficult.. but you have to act as if you're ok. At the same time, pray in your heart. Don't think you're being hypocrite. You're trying to overcome this problem, not making it worse.

5. Practice being grateful. For others & for yourself.
You know kan, if you can't feel grateful with your own state, look at people who have less.
If you are able, try to do volunteering works, or just get involved with charitable stuff. If you're not able, then just follow charity channels or instagram or twitter. 
When you see people who have lesser than you, pray for them and remember to be grateful for the things you have. If let's say these things are really not your 'thing', then just look at yourself. Your eyes, be thankful that you can see, that your eyes can adjust to different light settings without your conscious command. Your hands. Your fingers. You don't have to command your fingers to move pun. You just subconsciously move it according to your thinking. Isn't that already, MashaAllah? Like there are people in this world who don't have limbs but still have done so much in life. Who are we to compare with others when what we have is considered a luxury?

So practice being grateful, even if the things seem menial to you.
When you shift your attention to being grateful, inshaAllah that envious feeling will be less powerful.

That's all i can think of now.
I hope this can help you!

Remember that this part of your struggle is a jihad. 
In case you forgot, jihad means "the spiritual struggle within oneself against sin".
Also remember that it takes time. Be patient and don't stop. Teruskan berjihad!

If you're reading this and think "apa la diorang ni.. ada hasad dengki. tu la. melayu memang" atau sewaktu dengannya, stop. Just stop. Allah akan uji sesiapa pun dan bila bila masa. Just because you have not been tested, does not mean you won't be tested. Perhaps you are being tested but your ego is in the way of realising that you have a problem.

In any kind of problem for that matter, do not ever belittle others about it.

I hope that by trying these out, your heart will soften and you will be successful.
For you to want to change, is already a good start. My prayers are with you!
May Allah guide you, make you successful dunia akhirat, protect you from the evil within you and around you, and may Allah make it easy for you. InshaAllah~

Sunday, May 5, 2019

Konnichiwa! Watashiwa Maria des! (Japan Trip)

Assalamualaikum & hewwo my pelikers~

Bila la agaknya ni nak update features yang teramat oldskool ni.. boring betul la.

Last month (yes, in April), i went to Japan with Nadrah & my mother.
My mom yang nak sangat pergi actually. She wanted to see the sakura in full bloom.
So i had to teman her and nadrah had to come with.

It was a good week =)
And here i shall summarise our trip!

Bye Malaysia, Hello Osaka!

We first arrived in Osaka at night, so 1st day basically nothing la. Just excited tengok hotel hehe
The next day, we went to USJ (Universal Studios Japan), and imagine. It was 2 April, Tuesday, and when we went around 11am-ish, IT WAS ALREADY PACKED!

It was kinda cold.

Nadrah was already cranky too.

Woi. Baru masuk terus monyok?!
Tanak bergambo..

To lembutkan hati anak (dan sebab kita dah beli tiket USJ ni bukan murah yo. Kena do as much as possible to make this worth it!), first stop was Minions place thingy. I am not into Despicable Me, apalagi si minions ni, tapi i endured it for her.
Lined up for 2 HOURS to go on a ride, which lasts for about 10mins or less?
I was crying inside..

*to show how ramai it was outside. and they're mostly locals.*

I told my friend this: i thought japanese are workaholics, but on a Tuesday, non holiday, from morning, most of the visitors there were locals! I was among the 5% of foreigner there, and 1 among the 10 people in hijab. 

That's how USJ thrive. 

And the fun part about this is that i get to see the locals dress up so passionately in whatever characters, like minions, hogwarts students, sesame street characters, and so many more! I wish i could show you the pictures but i didn't take their pictures because 1) i was too busy pushing nadrah on the stroller, 2) it was too cold and my hands were frozen around the stroller handles, 3) i don't have the permission to take their picture so i takut if anything, they will sue me. It can happen kan.

I don't know much about cars, like, i can't tell the difference between saga fl and regular saga.
But i can tell a Ford Anglia from afar.
Even when it's beaten up like this and tucked away.



So you know how i sacrificed myself for nadrah's happiness right. Unfortunately, the love was one-sided. It was getting colder by the time we got to Hogsmeade, and nadrah just refused to wear her jacket and was cranky.. 😢
We got to go into the shops though!

I had one at UK's Warner Bros Harry Potter studios, and i didn't like it then.
Same here.
Too sweet but at least dapat rasa mehehee

Too bad we couldn't enjoy our time here that long. It started raining at one point, and then nadrah just couldn't take it anymore, so i had to take her back to the hotel.......... 😩
Tak dapat tengok the light show or whatever show malam tu..
But i'm happy anyways coz i get to buy the things i want and see what i wanna see.
We didn't go to any rides other than the minions one coz seriously, RAMAI SANGAT MANUSIA! Even with an express ticket, people still have to wait an hour for a ride. Imagine without one.

Sempat jumpa Hello Kitty. Heheeee

We also went to the sesame street side. There was like a playground and nadrah had fun there.
Basically, nadrah got the most out of USJ.
So i'm taking her syltherin headband.

The next day, we went to Tempozan Village. Have to take the ferry weee~

Before malapetaka

Selepas malapetaka.
Nadrah was running around and i kept telling her not to because the floor macam kesat kasar, like sandpaper-ish tu. And then she tripped. And her pants got ripped and her knees were bleeding.
What to do?
Got on the ferry, went to the shopping mall, bought new pants and plasters and antiseptic.

And then voila~

A lot of people recommended us to go to the Osaka Aquarium but we didn't go sebab macam.... My brother went before and he said rasa tak best sebab kesian tengok the fishes & whale all just swim around in a tank.. macam takde freedom. That said, mom & i pun tak rasa nak pergi.

Anyway, Tempozan mall, macam tu je la. Nothing special.

We saw Glico Man!

My mom didn't know what Glico man was. I said it's /the/ icon of osaka. Go osaka, see glico man, and you're done.
But she was like, "ha? apa tu?".
Ramai gila k nak bergambar kat glico man ni. This was in Shinsaibashi and there were street food, shops and macam macam la, but we didn't shop at all other than our dinner. Firstly, nothing much that stands out, and mahal.
I had this "benda ni malaysia pun ada. Why should i buy here kalau kat malaysia pun tak beli".

 The next day, we went to hunt cherry blossoms for my dear mother's satisfaction~
This baby ahjumma is my dotter.
@ Osaka Castle

Pic by baby ahjumma

*no smell btw*
I have a perfume from Body Shop that's supposedly be sakura scented. But when we were there, these sakuras have no smell.
So i assumed that all these "sakura scent" products only created the scent to match the beauty of the flowers 💁

It was gorgeous though

Ke i yang gorgeous?

Had picnic at Kema Sakuranomiya Park, and i finally dapat rasa this red bean bread yum yummmm~

Seriously, park was so clean i was at the verge of tears.
Oh and because we went on a weekday kan, so there were loads of people in office attires having lunch picnics there. Best nya :')
If only Malaysia have that kind of weather: sejuk tapi sunny.
And clean. We'd be picnicking errrrday!

We also went to Sitennoji Temple.
It's been a month, and i still don't know why we went there.
It's just a huge temple, there were loads of tortoise, and ummmm.. it's a big land.

Use this opportunity to take photos of my besties.
Yes, my besties are my skincare.

 That night, we went to Umeda Sky Building. It's like Menara KL, except we can go out and see the city view outdoors. It was really cold, but it was nice too!

Fluorescent adolescent

Fluorescent ahjumma.
Met a group of malaysians up here too!
:') So sweet of them to tegur me in japan, on top of umeda sky building, at night, in the cold.
It's really a meetup to remember!

Ummi gayat tapi ummi cool.

Next day: TOKYO!
Naik bullet train woohooo!

RIP ummi's back kena angkut bags + strollers

We went to look for Yozakura (night cherry blossom) near our hotel, and i asked the receptionist where to go and how to get there. She said we can walk to the nearest yozakura place at Meguro river and it should take 10minutes.

10 minutes later, lost.

We were lost and after asking around, it seemed that to walk to the river would take 1 hour on foot! Apeke gila.
So naik je la teksi.

Btw, duit kita habis kat naik teksi & makan je kat sana. Nak beli souvenirs sume kena fikir sejuta kali.

Oh well.

It's worth seeing this in real life.
My eyes were blessed.

In case you don't know, diorang ni suka minum arak kan, so at the sides of this river, the locals were drinking, taking pics, picnicking, there were couples, families, workers, macam macam jenis orang la. Best jugak tengok pe'el diorang. Imagine seeing old dudes in work clothes and being drunk & loud. They're like polite drunkards, unlike the ones i saw in Rome & UK many years ago. Those are scary.

The next day, we went on Sakura hunt again~

Fist up: Ueno Park!

and most of them are locals.
i.. seriously..
It was a Saturday, and rupanya they all cop tempat awal-awal, and then they picnic there with their friends and all. You see the blue plastic terbentang tu? Tu la tempat diorang picnic. Kena book awal awal. Tapi mashaAllah ramai nya manusia.....

This is my romantic experience with my dotter.

After that, we went to Asakusa shopping district. Nak beli souvenir sikit tapi instead i got rimas sebab ramai sangat manusia.
Good thing it was cold, so i wasn't so annoyed. In the end, i didn't buy much pun sebab like i said, most stuff can be found in malaysia, unless you wanna buy the samurai/ninja/cultural stuff. They're kinda expensive so i just got things i can match with people i want to buy stuff for. 
Camtu laaa~~

We crossed the Shibuya crossings!
At first i was like "wah coolnya i'm crossing the roads!".
Then i was like "wth. i'm just crossing the road at the same time as everybody and why am i excited?"
Then, "what's the point of this again?"

Tourists. I swear.

 This was the highlight of our Tokyo trip, to be honest. For me la.
We had to buy the tix a day earlier sebab kita noob & sebab taknak lepas this experience.


FYI, we had to take our shoes off when entering coz there were places with water streams, pool, and mirror. 

This place was filled with water up to the knees. I biar je my pants basah. The whole place is quite dark too, so takde la rasa cam terlalu exposed because they want to heightened our senses, expecially touch, hearing & sight.

If you wanna know what this place is about, nah check out this link:

Sorry i can't explain in words, because it's truly an artsy experience. 💖

Saje je~

The next day, we went to DISNEY SEA~~~

Makcik Daisy & Nadrah membawang

We went on this ride.

Had to line up for an hour and this little ahjumma wasn't in her pleasant mood..
RIP ummi.

Good thing the weather was really nice, so we enjoyed la jugak. Walked around a lot and towards the end tu, we discovered this Little Mermaid place ni and Nadrah, me & my mom got on so many rides.
They were kiddie rides but seeing Nadrah enjoying them, i pun happy 😊

We saw the night parade and it was amazing!
I didn't take much photos at Disneysea.. Sebab there's too many things going on, so i kinda got lost in the moment. That's good la kan?
Means i enjoyed myself too eheheheee


It was not a good weather day unfortunately.. That morning, it rained really heavily, so when we got to Disneyland, it was like mendung & sejuk gila.
Despite all that though, we got on so many rides!
Alhamdulillah the waiting lines weren't as long as USJ. Kalau tak. Aish.

Had to buy a towel as souvenir + to cover nadrah from the rain & cold sebab dia degil tanak pakai jacket.

We got this cute popcorn buckets too!!

Baby ahjumma!!

Usually they have night parades and whatnots kan, but due to the rain, some shows were cancelled 😭
There was 1 parade je la. 
After that 1 parade, it started raining more heavily. I had to go to the shops area where it was covered to escape the rain. My mom on the other hand, stayed at this gazebo place so that she could see the fireworks closer. It was too cold for me..
I memang allergic sejuk, but alhamdulillah got to see the fireworks too from afar. Nadrah tak nampak sangat sebab ramai orang and i tak nak angkat dia. Nyehehehehee =p

We had to brave through the rain to go back to our hotel. Dah la kena jalan jauh!! Hujan diorang bukan macam kat malaysia. IT WAS COLD aiyo. My feet were soaked to the bone. 
Nadrah was covered & bundled cozily in her stroller (we had the rain cover, thank Allah).
My mom & I habis basah loncon masa sampai hotel.
Kaki kitorang memang macam nak cabut je hahahha!

We went back home to KL the next day, and i actually looked forward to it.

Bila sampai je KLIA, i was HAPPY to be welcomed by the humid weather 😂

So that's all of our activities in Japan!
Next posts, i'll probably share some "episodes" masa kat sana 😂

Sunday, December 9, 2018

Losing & Living

Wow lama gila tak blogging..

Already, 6 days have passed since Tokwan left.
She left on 3rd Dec 2018.

To be honest, everyone was expecting it because she has been in and out of the hospital since the beginning of the year, and has been irresponsive since november.

My mom & i even went to kelas pengurusan jenazah so that we know what to do if and when it happens.

We were all pretty prepared.

Other than Tokwan, Tokmak hasn't been well too.
My husband's grandparents too.

The oldies weren't doing so well that i got anxiety problems because of it. Not because of them, but for irrational reasons, i thought of my future: how my life will end.

My grandmas both got sick in completely different ways and it made me scared of how i'll grow old.
I thought i was living kinda ok. I don't go out much, i don't eat much nonsense, i put my effort, time & energy into Marzea and my family. So basically, i was just.. camtu la.
But i wasn't really growing.
I usually have my yearly goals, and this year, i kinda did things halfway here and there.

Alhamdulillah, i got on board again on reaching my goals.
And the thing about my goals, they don't have a time limit. I want it to be continuous, and i want to stay consistent with it. For example, reading.

I had read some books earlier this year and because i was kind of addicted to my phone, i was more on the phone than reading.
So around August, i just decided to stop instagramming because i was looking at it most of the time. And to say i gain something from looking at instagram.... no. i didn't gain much.

Then, i just stopped. Not completely, but it got to a point that i can live on without opening my ig, sometimes for weeks (till now).

I realised i had more time since i stopped snooping into other people's lives. So i started reading again and i've read so much!
I've started walking too on some mornings at the park. At least it's a free workout and i get to be around nature which really helped with my anxiety (tremendously).

I just feel like i've lived, and then i went on autopilot, and then i want to take control again.
I'm kinda annoyed that it took me so long to take the steering wheel back.. and it had to be my sick grandmas to make me see that i lost control of it.

To start is the hardest part. But once i took the step, there's no looking back.

My Tokwan had lived with my family since i was 14. She had been there during my rebellious times, my adulthood, and motherhood. She taught me read the Quran too.
She loved cooking and gardening, and she would remember to make our favourites on our birthdays.
Because of how she lived passionately, i want to live that way too.
I want to be able to live so that i can die with the knowledge that i've done everything i wanted, everything i could, and learnt as much as i could.

Alhamdulillah, i dapat mandikan & kapankan arwah tokwan with my own hands. I don't know if i've ever repaid her kindness in living, but at least i dapat berkhidmat at that moment..
Arwah tokwan didn't have daughter, cuma 2 daughter-in-laws and i was the only cucu perempuan around masa tu. But alhamdulillah, it really felt enough.

May Allah swt forgive her and accepts all her good deeds. May Allah swt place her among the solihin & sadiqin.

Ps: So so sorry kalau you macam ???? with this post.
I pun tak tau how to properly convey my feelings huhu..

Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Weekend at Legoland!

Hello everyone!

We went to Legoland again this year! (Shall this be something yearly? Hmmmm....)
Anyway, it was great! 😃

Hubs & i intentionally did not tell our kids about Legoland because i know for sure, FOR SURE, that they will be so excited and then will pester us (me mostly) with questions like, "ummi, when are we going?", "can we go to legoland?", "is it today?", "legoland?" and blablabla and i will have to remind Nadrah (because she'll be the one pestering me..) again and again about the plan.

So i want to save myself. And my sanity. Hehehe..

Since we were going to stay for 2 nights, lepas friday prayers we went to pick up the kids and straight away head to Johor Bahru.
It was about 4 hours drive and it was really boring. Hehehe!! 😝

Now onto our Legoland adventure!
Last time we went there, we covered the "sight-seeing" part. So this time we went on rides more and went to see other places we missed out. Isaac is 2 years old already so he pretty much could go on most kiddy rides.
We didn't even bring stroller and it was ok! I was worried at first, but alhamdulillah we survived!

Nadrah meeting an old friend ;')
Bukannya dia tau pun si singa ni haha!

Meet my kids everyone. Takleh duduk diam =p

This hot-faced boy

I think we spent about 2 hours walking around, and then we had to head back to the hotel because it started raining.. 😕
It was good anyway coz the kids dah start cranky.
We rested, ate and played with legos in the room, and the kids were pleasantly occupied! Ummi & Abah yang tertidur hehehehee 😅

Some pieces were missing because one of the kids had a tantrum.
Ehem. Nadrah. Ehem.

After the rain's gone, we went back into Legoland~
The Castle area is the place to be, because there're lots of activities the kids (and grown ups) can enjoy, other than going on rides.
The Brick-or-Treat Night Party, which basically goes on the whole day on Friday & Saturday throughout October.


Isaac & Nadrah's first "rumah hantu" experience nyeheheheee.. 😈
If you're going to Legoland, bawak je masuk! It's just like arts & crafts halloween project kinda thing. Hehe!

Nadrah was amused with this mirror in the Castle of Grim.

High five, makcik witch!

We saw the Monster's Parade, where there were Lego characters & people in scary costumes parading around the Castle area.
Kids were like 😲 
Parents were like 💃

All around the castle area are activities that the kids can enjoy (and win prizes!!).
There's Speed Building Activity and Hut Activity Trail.
They can actually win prizes up to RM 500 worth of stuff!
Nadrah only won candies 😂

This is a nice photo 😍

Nadrah & ummi on the train ride thingy hehehe!

Then, we watched Chima in 4D.
Nadrah loved it a lot because of the effects 👍

Her fave. Entah apa nama pakcik ni, but when we went to this Ninjago place, she was so excited!
Isaac & i got on the ride inside this place, but she didn't coz she was too engrossed with building lego-ninjago-thing.

We got on more rides but towards the evening, it started raining again.
But it's ok coz the kids were tired out and good thing we covered a lot too! Puas!

On our last day, we only had a few hours before we had to check out of the hotel, so apa lagi!

I love how the swimming pool provides safety vests and those lego bricks can float!
The chewren loved it!

Eh, makcik ni.

Makcik ni ada buat video summary la of our short vacay. If you're going to Legoland, i hope you will enjoy it as much (or more) as we did!

Here are more details that i got from their website.

Brick-or-Treat Party Nights (Fridays & Saturdays | From 5.00pm to 8.00pm)
Special admission ticket at RM 88/ SGD29*

Exclusive for Premium Pass Holders
(Fridays & Saturdays | 1st – 30th October)
Bring a friend for FREE

FREE admission for Kids (aged 3 – 11)
(From 1st – 30th October)
FREE entry for kids in full Halloween costumes

For more details, click here k!