Friday, January 29, 2016

what happened last year?

Assalamualaikum dunia,

A year goes by so fast, doesn't it.

Just last year:
1. Nadrah turned 2
2. Husband and i turned 28
3. I was going through such a hard time with my business
4. I was trying to master several knowledge in a short time - which didn't work.
5. And so, i learnt that i can not multitask as good as i thought.
6. Thus, i enforced "one by one" rule with myself and Nadrah.
7. She likes to interrupt me when i'm doing something, or she likes to leave things halfway (like reading), so i tell her "Nadrah, one by one." to the point that now she finishes the sentence for me.

Me: Nadrah, one by..
Nadrah: one. Say ummi - One By One.

*amboi. anak aku ni.

8. I discovered so many things about myself, and so i delved into reconditioning my"self".
9. I have been so conditioned by my upbringing, environment, expectations, that i really don't know what "I" am all about.
For example, i was expected to be a career woman, a professional and recognised person. But when i resigned from my engineering job, i thought being an entrepreneur would compensate the loss of being a 'professional, career woman' and still be able to raise my child.

so true.

10. But like i said at point 5. I'm not good at multitasking. And i sucked at being a Work-at-home-mom.
11. I was constantly on the phone and laptop.
12. I neglected Nadrah so much. It pains me but i brushed the guilt away, thinking i'm doing this for her sake and others too.
13. When she cries for my attention, i get angry at her for not respecting my work time.
14. When her cries became lesser, it was then i realised that she had replaced me.
15. I knew then that i wasn't living up to what i intended to become: a mother, one who guides, nurtures and brings out the best in my kids.
16. It's not like working moms can't do the same. It's just that i chose to stop working to jaga my marriage and my family. It was my choice back then, it is still my choice now.
17. So as i said in point 9. I have been so conditioned, so i decided to find my true self.
18. I tried to really appreciate the loneliness i felt. (who says being a work-at-home/stay-at-home mom isn't lonely?). Instead of ignoring the void, i embraced it. Not by looking at FB or IG or whatever. But just to sit and talk to Allah.
19. Sometimes talking it out makes some knots looser. Talking to someone physically there is something we're very used to, but talking to Allah, seeing nothing there but the belief that He is listening, it's just as good. Because He's listening and not interrupting. Allowing us to speak whatever language, including our grunts and sighs, and tears.
20. Towards the end of last year, i realised so many things i've been ignoring.
21. My husband. My child. Myself.
22. I've been with them but i was distracted.
23. And then i found out i was pregnant with our second child =') alhamdulillah.
24. So i decided to stop my business (for now) and find that true way of helping people without neglecting the people i have in my life and love so much.
25. Because really. What's success in being an entrepreneur when i suck at being a mother and a wife?
26. One by one, mars. One by one.
27. If you truly want to be among the patient, one of the many ways is to become a housewife. Serious. Hehe!
28. So here i am. 2016, here i am. InshaAllah soon, a boy will enter this world through me. And i hope we'll be ok.

hope the boy looks the handsome version of me. Bahaha!
*may Allah protect the child i'm carrying and allow him to become His most faithful, inshaAllah.*

Friday, December 18, 2015

Watching On the Go


So Nadrah is a fan of Hi-5, and i have to admit, it taught her a lot.
She learnt lots of new words and if you'd hear her say "No" or "I don't know", they're very australian. "No" becomes "neow"
"I don't know" becomes "I don't kneow".
It's partly my doing too, coz i kinda say it like that myself, and i kinda encouraged her too. =p

Anyway, with Astro on the Go, i get to watch it with nadrah while lying down in our room, which is basically our favourite place.
It's also convenient to have nadrah watch it on my iPad when we're out, and when i need to pray in a public surau because that way, i know she's sitting at one spot.
You know how toddlers are - they are restless and at this day and era, it's not safe to let them wander around alone.

In case you didn't know, Astro on the Go is free to get started for everyone!
And you can download your shows so that you can watch them offline.
No need to worry about wifi or things like that.

There are famous shows like Quantico, Konsert Gegar Vaganza S2, Juara Parodi dan macam macam lagi for you to download.

Senang kan?
Maybe bila travel jejauh ke boleh tengok dalam kereta (while husband drives muahahahaa =p)
Good idea kan? Hehe!

Go and check it out yourself k! Click at this link:

You're welcome btw. Hehe!

Monday, November 30, 2015

Major throwback & Breastfeeding


Looking back at my old photos, terasa laju je masa berlalu.

*photo was meant to be sideways. it'll lose its magic when turned upright. serious.*

When i was pregnant with Nadrah, i didn't go to any birthing class and i regretted it. One of the toughest thing i took for granted was breastfeeding. I thought it'll be easy and painless. Despite all the articles i've read on having a baby and what to expect, i really thought i was ready.

But in reality, i wasn't.

Breastfeeding requires a lot of patience and chill-ness.
If you're on the brink of breakdown, just stop yourself, look at your baby's pics, and remember that you're human too so it's ok to not be ok.

Here's a link to my old post about breastfeeding, in case you need a reminder on why it's good for you & your baby =)

Don't worry k!
You got this =)

Here's an ad campaign poster that says:
Is that a bald man behind me, ummi?

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Save money by breastfeeding =)


Alhamdulillah Nadrah is 2 already!
I can't believe how fast time flies, and i just vaguely remember those days when she was just an infant! I get to see her grow right before my eyes, which is the best evaaahhh!
Hehe =)

Looking back, nadrah was never hospitalised when she was a baby. I strongly believe it was the breastmilk that gave her the strong immune system she needed.

The first time she went to the hospital was due to a high fever (when she was already a year plus) and because the only closest hospital in my neighbourhood is KPJ, memang terjojol biji mata tengok bill. Not just that, the horror of seeing our child being injected and stuff.. it's just so.. sakit.

That's why i am so grateful she didn't have to experience that at an earlier stage of life. kesian kot. Baby lagi dah kena inject sume..
 Unless it is inevitable.

Anyway, i just hope that new moms can get away from the pressures of other people and just give your babies your milk just for the first 6 months pun dah cukup bagus! Not just that, breastfeeding prevents cancer, osteoperosis and so much more. It will save you expensive medical bills, and you and baby will be healthy and safe inshaAllah!


Hope this is beneficial for you!
Happy breastfeeding!

Monday, October 26, 2015

Kids nowadays..


You know, i've heard so many times from the elder generation about how 'kids nowadays tak macam dulu!'.
I thought i should be offended.
But my dad said that this generation, the kids are smarter.
Last time, my brothers and i, kalau kena bedung terus tido. Tak gaduh, tak apa. We obliged.

But Nadrah.
She refused to oblige. She went full blast on hating the bedung. We tried wrapping her nicely but she'll kick it off or scream her lungs out, and sometimes both. And she was just a little baby then!

major throwback!

I believe what my dad said is true. Yeah, budak zaman sekarang memang sangat lain, but in a good way, inshaAllah.
With breastfeeding awareness and acceptance spreading throughout the world, the kids are not just building good immune system, but their brain is growing healthily too!
Every child needs that now - healthy growth mind and body.

Read more about my breastfeeding journey here!

Leaving it all behind.

My father sold all his investments.
His stocks, car, land properties, even his nice shoes.

My mother sold her jewelries.
Her anniversary necklace which was given by my father 25 years ago. It was worth thousands of dollars, but she sold it the pawn for 50 dollars. And that was the most she got. She sold all of her priced possessions too for meagre price.

To make sure that my brothers and i would have a better chance of survival and a better life outside of this once a peaceful country, they gathered all their money, counted right down to the penny, and kept on selling more stuff including our clothes, kitchen appliances, and herb plants in our backyard until they finally had enough.

They bought my brothers and i tickets to a better life.

We didn't want to leave them behind, but mother said, they have lived long enough, that we still have more to go.

On the day we have to depart, we prayed together and for the first time, we prayed in tears.

Father had pack our things. A loaf of bread, some money, and water. Mother told us to keep our most comfortable shoes and clothes. And that night, we wore them.
That night, we didn't speak, but our hearts were beating so hard, we could all hear it beating together. They were fast yet steady.

My eldest brother led the way. He would run stealthily ahead, check if the coast was clear, and we would trail behind him. About an hour of running while evading and hiding, we reached the meeting point, right at the foot of a hill with a huge tree completely overshadowing our ride; a black boat, which looked like the float we used to play in when we went to the beach, many lifetime ago.
My mother reached last, wheezing as she limped towards us. Her leg was cramped.
We could see people starting to climb into the boat, and father and mother told us to run towards it as fast as we could and go.

I turned to say goodbye, but mother said it's not a goodbye. She told me to stick with my brothers, that she loves us all, and to have faith in Allah.

I cried while running towards to boat, and saw my brother held out his hand to catch me. As soon as i grabbed his hand, he pulled me in and sat me next to him. We were all cramped now with a lot of other people.

It wasn't cold, but i was shivering. I wasn't the only one. The lady who sat beside me was also shivering and whimpering. I noticed that she was holding her small child who looked confused with all the quiet rushing and hushed voices.

Suddenly, people started to stop talking and it felt as if we stopped breathing too. We were as silent as the night. And then, the boat started to move very smoothly with the current.

I dared myself to look back at where mother and father was, but saw nothing. We have drifted quite a distance and it was too dark to see anything. The only light available was the moon and its reflection on the sea water.

What felt like hours later, we could see the sun starting to rise. The colour of the sky was shifting from pitch black, to grey. I could now see the people around me. I looked at my brothers and they were also looking around, taking in the people that were in the same boat.

Then, the motor started abruptly. I could feel everyone jumped at the sound. The fear sank in again. We were all praying silently to reach what ever land that would accept us. Some children were crying, some people were talking. But my brothers and i, we just prayed and prayed.

Not long after the sun had risen, i heard people around me murmuring. My brother poked me so hard, and told me to look up. He was pointing on our left. People were standing up and so i stood up.
We could see land!

Everyone was so overjoyed that one man had to scream over our excited screams and told us to calm down because we were making the boat sink. Everyone sat down immediately. One man, he looked to be around 40, stood at the front and gave us instructions.
We have to help each other.
Find a place that can accept us.
Don't cause trouble to anyone, or we'll be returned back to our country.
And finally, be careful.

One person asked where we were heading, and the man only shrugged. He said we were supposed to go a different route, but he saw a ship's light, and he immediately changed course. He didn't want to risk running into the enemy.

I felt everything then.
Fear, gratitude, anxiousness, and hopelessness.
We didn't know where we were heading. We don't know where to go, and even where to begin.We don't know if we do have a better chance of surviving than when we were in our country. So many uncertainties...

But mother and father told us to tawakkal. The unknown is fearful, be we must have faith in Allah.

We were all watching intensely at the island we were slowly reaching. Some children were crying on hunger and thirst. I gave the child next to me my share of the bread.

As we were reaching the island, we could here loud chanting. There were people waiting for us!
I was scared at first, but my brother looked at me with an excited smile.

"Can you hear that!?" he said.
I strained my ear. And yes. I heard.


Some men stood up on the boat, which caused us to wobble dangerously, and the sat down promptly. One man shouted back,
and we all shouted as loudly as we could "ALLAHU AKBAR!"
I was in tears, tears of joy!
We were all crying, even the men!

We kept with our takbir until we reached the shore, and the men and women that were waiting for us from the shore pulled us off the boat, one by one. The men treated the men, the women tended to the women and children.
One lady who took me asked me straight away if i was okay. I nodded. She pulled me towards a tent where we were given food and water. Everyone was crying, hugging each other, and a few ladies were in sujud. Some were lying down with what looked like doctors surrounding them.
I dropped my bag and fell into sujud too, thanking Allah for bringing us here. The tears have stopped, but my heart was swelling with gratitude. Allahu Akbar! Alhamdulillah!

After everyone were properly fed and dried, we were allowed to leave the tent to find our family.
I ran towards my brothers, and were cried in each other's embrace. We were safe. We were finally safe.

We really don't know what will happen to us.
But we are hopeful.
I finally understood what it means to let go of the world and hold Allah in my heart, because that was the only thing i held on to from the time i left my parents and my home behind. We have lived through the hardest ordeal, threatened by death everyday, and now, Allah is promising a future for us. Perhaps we will be the ones changing the future of our country.

*all made up, i'm sorry. i just couldn't imagine what it's like to be them.. I just wish that i could be among the people accepting them on our shores, with other muslim brothers & sisters. we are supposed to be brothers & sisters in islam, right?
not meant to disrespect anyone. if i did, i'm so sorry.
if my info were incorrect, i'm sorry. like i said, it's all made up.
my heartfelt prayers to the survivors of the war.

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Breastfeeding Friendly


Have you heard of "BF friendly" clothes?

Before i had Nadrah, i remember seeing people leaving comments on La Kayena's instagram and facebook asking me if the jubahs were "BF friendly".
I honestly thought it was "best friend friendly".
What does that even mean and why are people requesting that?!?
It didn't make sense!

So naturally i googled and found what it truly meant, i felt... malu.
How can someone say "breastfeeding" so casually? (There's 'breast' in it.. i'm too innocent i guess.. *scratch head*).


But seriously, it is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, BREASTFEEDING should be celebrated!
There should be confetti thrown and congratulatory music for nursing moms. But then... i think all moms should be celebrated anyway, regardless. =)

As a married woman at that time, i knew that this was something serious- breastfeeding i mean.
Due to many requests on making the jubahs all BF-friendly, i wondered how to make them so.
After counselling Dr Google, i understood that it meant to be easy accessible for nursing babies.
I am so totally pro breastfeeding, so i obliged!

It's not hard pun.
It's just using longer zippers to allow bigger access for nursing. Non-nursing people pun boleh pakai, no problem =)

So the thing is, it made me realise on how malaysian moms are very passionate about breastfeeding.
I'm not surprised why people love breastfeeding so much. There are so many goodness in breastmilk.
(Ok, i don't know if they love it, but the fact that so many persevered, that's passion right there! Hehe!).

And i am also very grateful that there are rooms provided for nursing moms. Like in Ikano, there's one at every floor. So convenient!
Some people can even do it with their nursing covers out in public. So far i haven't heard any malaysian outburst on being thrown out for doing it. Mostly are usually from america or mat salleh countries. Alhamdulillah =)

Breastfeeding exclusively for the first 6 months is the most important. I know so many moms are struggling with pumping for milk while working, or how some people are pressured into giving formula milk, and I understand some people have a hard time producing milk, either due to disease, stress and more. But for 6 months at least, inshaAllah cukup.

So here are some of the many benefits of breastfeeding:

The only tip i can give for moms who are trying your bestest to provide for your child, is be surrounded with positive and supportive people. They're everywhere actually. Kat facebook ada, kat instagram, blogs, friends, families!

InshaAllah, pejam celik pejam celik, you've exceeded your own expectations.