Search This Blog

Monday, November 14, 2022

Tetibe Gayat

 When i was young, younger than now.. i was thrilled at being at high places. It gave me some kind of boost of adrenaline. I was daring, courageous, i was a hero in my mind for being able to step on a higher ground. 

But i don't know whether it was lack of exercising this 'feeling', but i became more and more scared of heights. I was confused by this sudden fear. 

Years ago i went to Kellie's Castle in Ipoh. It was just a regular building but the highlight was the open roof. 

Photo source: here

Photo: here

So you see how this brader can manage a skip on the open roof?

I couldn't even stand straight when i was there. 

I was bending my knees to lower my gravity's center, walking like a crab towards the other side (which has no railings ye...). However, from the middle tu, i was army crawling ok. My husband, then boyfriend uhuks, walked like normal tau! siap berdiri at the edge with his toes betul-betuuuuuul at the side!!!!

I dah laugh-cry dah masa nampak dia berdiri situ. Seriau gilaaaaa!! TAPI muka dia mak aiiihh.. lekk je. Siap offer tangan nak bawak i tepi tu. I dah la army-crawling kan, ngan air mata turun tanpa segan, tapi gelak macam orang gila. Apa la masalah i...

But it was a tell-tale sign. Of the future me.

Yesterday i went to Next Gen kat OU and there was a small rock climbing section, only for big kids and grown ups. 

I did PKN ok. I was a champion at all this climbing stuff. I was.

And i knew i had changed, but i still needed to challenge myself to see how far i can take myself from fear. I went at the 'beginner section' and as i was climbing, i was ok. I went straight up to the top, not even bothering about how high i was because i was focused at my strength. I tapped the bell at the top, and now, all i had to do was let go and swing down. 

I couldn't. I looked down and my legs became jelly. So i climbed down a bit, looked down, the man down there said "Lepas je kak! Takpe! Lepas je!", but i shook my head and climbed down a bit more.

I looked down again, and there he was still "Lepas je kak! Takpe!". So i listened because my jelly legs couldn't move anymore and i let go. And i screamed like an idiot while descending. The funny part was, my legs tau pulak nak push the wall bila i got close to it! My reflexes from the PKN days were still there, alhamdulillah.

Bila my butt touched the ground (because my legs gedik), i was shaking. A bit teary too. But i was determined to try on the other side, the normal rock climbing section with those rocky bits.

I climbed again, focusing on my strength. I think i only did 3/4 of it because bila i kena move my feet to a small rock, i caught a glimpse of how high i was and again, my legs became jelly. My arms pulak not strong enough to pull me up. Thus... I was stuck. I wanted to finish the climb and kept trying to pull my leg up to another rock but dia tanak dengar. 

So i was at the wall, my arms shaking dah tak boleh tahan and then.. i let go. 

I fell and this time i landed on my back (gently & softly). The tears just flowed and my arms and legs were not mine. 

I was like this.

I don't remember what happened, like how my harness and helmet got off, but i gained consciousness when my daughter came to me and hugged me. I macam 'eh??', but she kept saying encouraging stuff but i was laughing je and crawled out of the rock climbing area. My daughter knows when i'm scared shitless, seeing the many times i go into panic mode. 

And now, i think i know where my fear lies. It's not being at high places. It's the fear of free falling and fear of other people free falling too. I cannot stomach seeing my kids go to the edge of ANYTHING even if there're railings, safety stuff, whatever, JUST NO.
I just panic. Tears, dropping on my knees.. it's a whole drama. 

I guess as we all get older, we become more hypersensitive to things that can harm us and our loved ones, so it became like a traumatic response. It catches up on us without us knowing.
So be careful la ya yang daredevil sangat tu. Remember your loved ones if you don't find your life that precious k?

Ugh. Gerun.

Wednesday, November 9, 2022

Dramatique Queen

 I've been a girl all my life, so when i tell you this is a thing, trust me.

Here's a backstory.

My daughter has this pattern, where she will play with her brother, and then they will start to fight, and then she will cry. This has happened so many times, which is why i see it as a pattern. The timing too. It always happen around dinner time.

So what made me want to share about this? Since my husband actually asked me about it.

"Girls memang something something something ek?" = he was asking if it's normal for girls to be dramatic. 

I mean, i get it. My husband's social circle, his close people, are mostly men. My daughter & I are the only close female specimens he has. With that little data, of course in his view is that girls tend to be dramatic. Honestly though, I don't see him getting dramatic when he's tired or hungry. Yes, he does have his cues but it was not to the point that everyone is affected by it. My daughter pulak, it's like she needs everyone to know that she is upset and sad. 

The thing is, yes. We girls do get dramatic.

And why?

Because we want attention.

*You got me looking for attentiooooooonnnnn~~ you got me looking for attentiooooooonnn~*

/Attention by New Jeans/

I told him that, yes, girls become dramatic coz when we ask for attention, like going out on dates or sit and watch something together, or simple things couple could do, but the men ignores it, does it wrongly or maybe not give enough to satisfy their ladies' attention needs. Mana tak kita marah kan?

In my case, i try not to be dramatic because i hate fighting. I will always be a loser if i fight, so i try to let it slide. But i can't just halalkan my anger!? What injustice is that if i can't voice out my dissatisfaction and he will never know about it?!? It doesn't just vaporise, as if it never happened! So, unintentionally, not on purpose, my actions will be 'noisy'. That's how my dramatic-ness comes about.

I don't think any women think "Ok, let's make him mad so that he will talk to me and look at me at least! Yay!". Maybe ada la kot, who knows. But like i said, as a girl myself, the dissatisfaction tu will bubble up and explode. And everyone explodes differently. 

Perhaps some go get attention from their social circle, workplace, maybe from strangers too, and there are people who gets into hobbies, celebrities (fangirling), and other form of activities to divert their need of attention from others into paying attention to others. Ha gitu. 

I was talking in the perspective of couples. For our children pulak, they want attention too from parents or people around them. When they're bored or cranky, they get to a point where they overstimulate their current emotions and then they explode.

When we, parents, get mad, we look at them, pay attention to them and talk directly to them about them. In a way, the process of kena pujuk tu sedap la lepas dah kena marah kan. Sape tak suka kena pujuk? Huhu..

Basically, girls get dramatic because we want a little bit of attention. Tak banyak pun, i promise. We want someone to reach out to us and watch anime with us without asking so much questions or maybe just acknowledge how good we look, how nice our cooking was, how clean our room is, and so forth and so forth. At any age this is applicable. Serious. 

Girls need some esteem boost just as guys do. 

So guys, words have lasting effect. You don't have to buy flowers or gifts, but simple conversations is enough. With eye contact. And puji memuji. Ok?

Friday, October 28, 2022

White Sorrow

 Long time ago, when it was still Internet Explorer, Microsoft Windows, and the teee-nooo-teee-nooo-neeeeeettttt internet days, i searched for the meaning of my name: Maria Elena.

I'm sure this goes the same to anyone. We all are curious what our names mean, and those days, our parents don't google meaning of names, or have little care about meaning, as long as it sounds good kan. My name stems from my mom, who is also a Maria. There's always a πŸ’•patternπŸ’•. Macam cool la kot zaman tu, nama nak ikut set la, clan la.. Alhamdulillah la i ni pun tak terlalu taksub to the point of naming my kids Hermione Azzahra and Harry Ashaal πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Back then, the search wasn't as vast as it is now, and it takes a long time to load into a website, so i settled with what was the first search result of my query. 

My name, Maria, means sorrow or bitter, and Elena means white or bright.

I remember i searched for the meaning again when i was in uni for my blog, and i did end up with something similar. Which was why i named my facebook page Maria Is Greek Helen. Maria was already a super common name, Maria Elena combination was ALSO super common since there's an instrumental song called it:

So how do i set myself apart from all the other Maria Elenas' in the world? I make up weird names, that's how. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Sometimes kan when we're in the dumps, our mood is not good and we're upset and sad for no reason (ada la reason, tapi the reason not good enough), and all we want is to be dipujuk & dimanjakan kan.
Even i can't explain this phenomena to my husband. 
Kadang2 tu i cakap things like, "I think somewhere in the world, my soulmate died" sebab i have that unexplained sadness. I don't mean it seriously thoughhhhh! It's just a bad joke 😝

And that's why my husband also calls me White Sorrow. 
"Kenapa ni White Sorrow?", he'd say.


If you have a child named Maria, or planning to name her that, it's ok!
Now internet lagi best dari dulu, more information are coming out, and i found what my name means!

Maria: Elevated, Sharp (in urdu)
Elena: Tender, Delicate

Maria is also a derivation of Mariam, and was also the name of Nabi Muhammad SAW's wife. 

Nowadays, among friends and families, i notice people kalau namakan anak, dah ada intention behind it. They may have like the same front letter, macam Khayra, Khairil, Kisya, or maybe tokoh yang digemari etc etc. Thus far, i haven't seen any North West, Elon Musk's child's name, Pilot Inspektor, Morrocan (yes, it's a name, not a nationality...).. Maybe the westerners have a different idea and approach to naming their kids. 

Yang i tau, Malaysians ni namakan anak macam as a doa that the child will grow as what the name means.

On that note, the other Maria my husband knows (other than me & my mom) is Maria Chin Abdullah and Mariaman.


Thursday, October 13, 2022

Ha Ha Tak Tau

We just finished our dinner. I was in the kitchen, cleaning up while my husband and kids were out in the living room.

When suddenly, there was a loud crash. 

My husband went "Ha, Ha, Tak Tau. Ha, Ha, Tak Tau", like how we used to say when we were kids.

I was ready to scream at my son (it was obvious that it was his doing) to clean up the mess he made, when my husband went "Ha, Ha, I Don't Know. Ha, Ha, I Don't Know". πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Then of course, my daughter also chimes in "Ha, Ha, I Don't Know. Ha, Ha, I Don't Know".

And i was in the kitchen, laughing like crazy!

Thursday, September 29, 2022

Coffee Drains My Life

 For the past month or so, i had been drinking coffee daily.

I am a tea drinker. I have 3 cups of tea or maybe more in a day, that is if you include re-adding hot water to the cuppa. 

I used to drink nescafe when i was younger during study week because i was (and still am) an avid napper. The thing is, i wanted to stay awake through studying, that's why i drink nescafe kan, but as far as i can remember, i usually get more anxious and fidgety, and then i get tired so quickly. Rather the opposite of the effect i wanted... but peer pressure kan. I drank some because my friends did. After graduate, i hardly drank that much coffee.

Fast forward to last month. I bought instant coffee, and i mix it with cocoa powder and a little bit of condensed milk and i liked the taste, especially when dipped with biskot. NYAMM.

But i get super sleepy afterwards. 😴😴

Photo by Fahmi Fakhrudin on Unsplash
Indah rupa dari khabar...

I didn't suspect the coffee though. I thought it was just me, "maybe my tiredness from yesterday tak habis lagi kot", i thought. It went on for days.

I wanted to stop the coffee, but i was kinda addicted to the coffee + biscuit in the morning. It's like eating tiramisu.

And because of curiosity, i bought the Aik Cheong coffee tu yang orang duk promote sedap. I like that it's much smoother than the wonda instant coffee tu. So 2 or 3 weeks in, i already have 2 coffee mix. Camane tu πŸ˜…

And throughout those times, i was always super sleepy in the day.

I suspected the coffee la. I mean, how can i not? I was never THAT tired tau IN THE MORNING

The level of sleepiness is like this: after having breakfast (coffee & whatever), i sit in front of the laptop and just fall asleep in sitting position. One time, i was looking for a parking space and i came to a bump. Before the bump kan kena brake, i braked, and i slept there. Before the bump. It was for a moment, because my daughter startled the crap out of me when she called "Ummi!". It was that bad.

It just made sense that the coffee was the cultprit.

I googled it, of course. 

According to this article, there are 6 reasons why coffee makes a person sleepy.

1. It blocks the effects of Adenosine - adenosine ni reseptor yang tolong kita jadi mengantuk & control our off & on tido time. Our body clock la gitu kot. And so caffeine blocks it, which is why ppl can stay awake after drinking coffee. Now what happens when the caffeine dah wear off? The adenosine receptors builds up then you dapat double dose of the sleepy effects. 

2. It's diuretic - means that it makes you pee more. The more you pee, the more dehydrated your body becomes. So you become lethargic la. 

3. Sugar crash - the sweet stuff we put in the coffee to ease the bitterness causes the insulin to spike, so to turunkan the insulin level would require lots of energy. Therefore you get tired.

4. Mold contamination - coffee dah expired.

5. Stress <=> sleepy - bila minum coffee, the body punya temperature, heart rate sume naik. So the body might translate that as stress. Bila stress, jadi ngantuk.

6. Withdrawal symptoms - Kalau dah biasa minum coffee, pastu quit tetibe, the body will need to adjust. This period of adjustment will cause the body to feel more tired than before.

So basically that's it la.

I usually pun memang eat biskot & teh, so i don't think i was suffering from sugar crash. It made sense that my body is just not used to the higher body temperature, higher heart rate, and the blocking of my sleeping sensors, that it made me extra sleepy than normal.

Too bad.. I had stopped coffee already. I endured the coffee draining my life for a month plus (that is until my coffee stock finished). Puas. Now i am sleepy like the normal kind of sleepy. And at the right time too, so that's good.

Imma stick to my teh o', and occasionally teh tarik & matcha latte lipton tu and continue living like a british tea loving ahjumma. 

Tuesday, September 20, 2022


 I had extra potato pieces in my kari telur, so i thought of making karipap ikea la kan.

The recipe looked simple enough too.

For the skin, flour + melted butter + water. Simple. Inti pulak just empukkan kentang tu dan perhangat sampai kekeringan sikit. Telur potong je la.

Kinda looks like chicken nuggets...

Look at my πŸ’«seni kelimπŸ’«

Looks ugly
But tastes good

First time doing it, ok la kan?
Tapi i tengok orang kata diorang buat first time pun lagi lawa dari mine ni bahahahaha πŸ˜…

I'm the definition of *never succeed the first try*. Seriously.

Oh well.. Next time boleh la try lagi and maybe it'll look better 😜

Monday, September 5, 2022

How Malaysian Are You?

A simple quiz for malaysians who thinks they're malaysian enough.

1. When you go to makan nasi banana leaf, you makan with:

a) fork and knife

b) fork and spoon

c) right hand

Ans: right hand la! Unless because tangan ada severe case of eczema or sebab tanak tangan pijau sebab nanti nak kena pegang baby, no excuses man..

2. What is malaysia's signature drink?

a) teh ais

b) teh o ais limau

c) sirap 

d) ais kosong

Ans: ALL! 

3. What is malaysia's signature kuih?

a) croissant

b) karipap

c) waffle

d) donut

Ans: Karipap!! Ikea pun tau.. 

4. When you're tired sitting on your chair all day, what do you do?

a) go walk

b) do jumping jacks

c) change position of legs, and duduk bersila 

Ans: So obvious. You duduk bersila on your chair.

5. When you go travel overseas, what do you do most of the time?

a) look at scenery

b) talk to locals

c) convert their $ to MYR

Ans: always, always, ALWAYS, convert their money to ours to know whether some things are worth buying or not! 

6. What do you call an elderly lady working in the service industry when you need their attention?

a) ah hello madam

b) oi oi

c) cik~ cik~

d) pssssstttt

Ans: cik!! it's short form for makcik. But calling makcik sounds kinda rude, so cik is better. 

7. How do you choose who goes first in any difficult situation?

a) ask for volunteer

b) lat tali lat

Ans: no brainer. Lat tali lat tali tamplom, tamplom sampai esok.

8. The weather is hot lately. What do you do?

a) switch on aircon 24-7

b) eat ice cream 24-7

c) go shopping mall

d) go to the park

Ans: go shopping mall. Free aircon. Aircon at home only when night time, if necessary.

9. Your child fell down and starts crying. What do you do?

a) carry them and take them far away from people

b) buat dunno je

c) care for them and say "kan dah kata"

d) laugh at them

Ans: most people would tend to their child and would not miss the chance to say "i told you". It's normal.

10. Your child is misbehaving in public. What do you do?

a) tell them they have 3 seconds to change

b) glare at them and send threats via telepathy

c) spank them in front of everyone

Ans: telepathy is a super power malaysian mom's have with their kids. I see it all the time. A look, and the child will try to reconsider how they should behave afterwards. Either afraid of the consequences, or daring to challenge their limits.

So how malaysian are you?

Hehe!! Just doing this for fun je. 

Merdeka was days ago and i wanted to write something more patriotic, but i just couldn't find something that would be 'casual'. Maybe next time =)

Now that it's school holidays, be careful and stay safe!