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Wednesday, August 3, 2022

Looking All Professional: A New Look

 I was looking at my blog the other day and i thought it kinda looked bloggy, like a heheeehuhuuu kinda blog that you wouldn't want to get caught reading while you're taking a 5min break at the office.

Kinda embarrassing, wouldn't it be, if when you're taking a break, and watching tiktok, instagram or whatever social media might look like you're 'wasting time', so you thought "hmmm.. meh la baca blog. At least tak nampak bazir masa sangat" tapi bila bukak blog, nampak cam childish nyaaaa~ 🙈😆

It was just a scenario i created in my head heeee..

Based on my blog's insights, my readers are about the same age as me, that's why i wanted to make it look more 'serious'. 


Manufacturers sought to partially pass higher costs to clients by raising output charges. In line with the trend for input prices, factory gate inflation eased to the softest since February.

- The Edge Markets


A random quote about the economy should be good too eh doncha think? 

A little break is good once in a while. De-stress a bit kan lepas dah pakai otak beberapa jam. Tapi to get back into gear is kinda hard. That's why social medias like tiktok, ig etc ni macam addictive, susah nak stop scrolling. It has that effect and subconsciously, you'll reach out for the phone for that dose of dopamine you get when your brain gets a little bit of stress.

To stop & kick back your working mind into gear, you need to consciously put your phone down, do something that requires physical movement, like walking and stretching for at least 1-2mins (kejap je kan!), and then inshaAllah, when you sit back down, you can concentrate on your work. But if you're reaching for your phone again to open something unrelated to your work, then slap yourself hard.

Heheh.. Kidding! Or am i?

Anyway, i hope this random new look is ok for the eyes. Take care! And thank you for reading my blog!


Monday, August 1, 2022

Please take a moment to explain yourself.

 I don't remember exactly when it started, but as of now, i dislike explaining myself. Not to the level of hating it, just dislike it. If level 1 is dislike, 5 is hate, i am at level 3 on explaining myself.

I think it happened because of instagram tau. Dulu masa instagram baru and very popular, i was in my mid 20s. Being that young too means that i shared a lot of personal stuff. I was non-the-wiser about what i can and should not share and show to others. 

Back then, our photos were quite heavily filtered and our poses were... 😅😂 oh the days of duckfaces, pouty lips, upper angles hamagahhhh

Anyway! Masa tu i pun baru la nak up kat dunia influencer ni...... Honestly, i like sharing stuff. That's what i'm doing now kan 🙈. I like it but what comes with the mass of attention is also mass of haters. Mass of people demanding me to explain my actions, my decisions. 

"Nape u buat camni? Boleh je buat camtu", "Nape tak buat camtu? You should've done this", dan sewaktu dengannya.

At first, i layan la. I fought. Even some other people came to my defense, which i am always and eternally grateful for. Thing about me is, when i want to explain myself, i have to take my time. My thoughts are not clear and organised when i'm under pressure, but biding my time also means it will take a lot of reflecting and thinking of an appropriate comeback, that my emotions will be all over the place. Anxiety, nervousness, anger, annoyed, and kalau betul sakit hati, tears will fall too. It wasn't worth it.

After a while, i decided to change and lower my ego. So when i need to, I tried explaining myself, i admitted that i was wrong, i applauded others for providing a better option/answer and so forth. I know that i am not that smart, but i'm also not that stupid. But it felt like some people love to be proven or acknowledged that their choices and stuff are the best. Who am i to take that simple pleasure away from them kan. Bukannya susah pun nak cakap "omo, you're right! Thanks for letting me know!". 

But you know la.. sometimes i tak cari pasal pun, pasal will come anyway. Benda sesimple simple nya pun boleh jadi hal, benda innocent pun boleh jadi trigger to something larger. Lama-lama, i just became 'malas nak layan' sebab i nak jaga hati diri & hati orang. Bila i sakit hati, bukannya orang nak datang pujuk ke apa pun kan (hehehehe!), and kalau i unintentionally hurt other people because i was too ignorant and egoistic, nanti camane bila kita mati? I pun nak masuk syurga.. 

So whenever i post something on ig, i tried to be as neutral as possible. Either make a statement-ish/quote post where no one can give their 2 cents, ask opinions where no opinions are wrong, or just a storytime post where we can all laugh and smile. 

Answering and explaining myself became such a bitter task. I'd rather just keep quiet and let the whole situation answer on my behalf. BUT answering/explaining for other things, i'm ok. Just not about my decisions.

For example, the other day i booked a doctor's appointment for my son's sunat, and told my husband about it. Pastu dia tanya kenapa tak buat masa cuti sekolah so that i don't have to think about how to pick up my daughter from school and whatnots. 

Like i said, answering/explaining myself became a bitter task, so i just "hehe huhu" je la kat dia. Tapi on the day of the appointment, when the doc asked me why i booked on such a day, i simply said "sebab nanti cuti sekolah mesti ramai orang" and alhamdulillah the doctor said "Betul la tu. Masa cuti sekolah sehari tu dalam 15 orang! Hehehuhu", thus backing my decision without me having to waste my saliva.

So there! I know i could've just said that to my husband but i just... malas. Sebab after one question, there will be another, and another... And to avoid any kind of disagreements, i just heeheehuhuu je la. Bimbo kan diri jap. Also free. Hehe!

I do this to everyone. Shopkeepers, scammers.. 😜

I always think that the best way to answer a skeptical and doubtful person is to let the situation answer itself.

Sometimes i doa la jugak. Doa banyak banyak so that Allah will make people understand our situation without us explaining ourselves. Alhamdulillah in one way or another, it happens. Sebab i explain panjang berjela pun tak guna kalau orang tu tanak percaya. But bila Allah nak ajar, fuh. Memang lekat la pengajaran tu inshaAllah =)

Hehe..

But i hope you, if you're reading this and think "ah, i should do this too!", i mean, it's not a bad thing, but don't overuse it la kot. Sebab i know my way of malas nak jawab ni annoys my family so much because they're more in my face than others kan. 

Imagine asking something to your friend, and then your friend just hehehuhu you je because dia malas nak jawab, but you need the answer because you want to understand the situation. Perhaps knowing the answers would help you take the right steps or whatever kan. Sakit hati kot! Haha! So berpada pada la ekkkkkk! 😇

Saturday, July 23, 2022

Dream House~

 To dream is free kan.

There has been times when i like to ask my husband things like, "what kind of house would you like?", "when you have the money, what kind of things would you buy?", "what would you invest in when you're rich?", material things la basically, because it's an open topic. 

... sometimes i don't like asking opinion-related, yes or no, right or wrong questions because i hate getting into a disagreement.

Anyway.

I realise that both of us don't really want lavish, but we would splurge on comfort.

My dream house for example, is a house that has 

1. A big storage room where we can store big stuff like boxes and suitcases, paperbags, plastic, vacuum, entahpape la benda yang menyemak dalam rumah!

Source: 
popsugar.com
Yassss~~~


2. A library where we can put our books, files, manuals, whatever paper stuff



Something like this la. I want closed cabinets instead of opened ones sebab tanak habuk lekat atas buku. Hawau.

3. Rooms with toilet for the kids... or maybe they can share one so that i have lesser toilets to clean 😉

4. A nice view

hillarys.co.uk

The view camni la kot, and i kinda like the aesthetic. No white sofas sebab kalau kotor, aiguuuu... 

5. An underground carpark

KIHKIHKIHKHIHHHHHH~~~ 
Honestly i just like that it feels like it's from a spy movie 😆


6. A nice (and maybe covered) backyard - it'd be nice to have a nice space to air dry some stuff, and takyah pakai tudung bila lepak kat luar

7. A living room that's nice, spacious and open so that we all can play indoors, and tak rasa cramped up.

It's not exactly a photo of a living room, but i like this idea of tv closet thing! I can put whatever crap behind there, maybe like small boxes, videogames, ketip kuku ke, minyak2 angin, muahahaha!


8. A kitchen that is organised, easy to clean, ergonomical, airy, with a little patch of herb/vege corner so that i can just grow our kobis, bawang, cili etc

Uuuuuu~ this looks nice~~~ i like that the sink is on the island, not at the window. Tapi kalau fikir realistic, i think memang lagi senang la kalau tempat masak sama side dengan sink. Kot?

9. Natural light banyak and at the same time, orang tak boleh nampak kat dalam


This looks nice ek!

10. A parking space for the bicycles, scooters, scateboards



Senang nak organise, boleh walk around without having to evade one thing after another. Wah! 

Also what's important as the house is the neighbourhood. I'd love a neighbourhood yang jaga privacy but still friendly, ada good amenities around, schools, clinics, shops. Playground or park nearby pun best gak. Safety pun very important. My area ni ramai orang criss-crossing the road but no zebra crossing, can you believe that? Dah la banyak kete, moto, trucks going all over.. Haih..

Best gak buat blogpost ni 😋. Looking at pinterest and seeing all the pics fills me with inspiration, but at the same time, thoughts like "cantik tapi susah nak kemas" keeps coming 😂

Of course, i can say this now, but who knows what the future holds.. i (for now), don't want to have helpers. I prefer if i can clean the house myself. 

And that's why.....


MY HOUSE SHALL BE A SINGLE STOREY HOUSEEEEE!
With a big driveway, and sort of secluded and closed sebab aku nak gantung cadar kat luar in peace and harmony without membungkus myself so much. Malaysia panas kot. 

Hehehe!

Oh well! Like i said, dream is free, so this is my dream house where i can be comfortable, i can do the chores easily, kids can play indoors and outdoors happily and safely, and i have a place i can lepak in the house. Fuh! So nice 😻Manifesting it now haha!

Amiiin!


Kalau you bosan2, try dreaming of your dream house! Mana tau ada rezeki inshaAllah for you to make yours 😊

Wednesday, July 13, 2022

Friendless, am i?

 Actually... i have friends.

I believe we all do even when we say we don't.

It's easier to answer questions that way. 

"Tak pegi mana2 ke weekend ni?"

"Ummi, why don't you see your friends?"


I mean, i could. We all could. And when i say 'we', i mean women. 

I can't really ask my friends to come teman me makan lunch, or go hang out somewhere, or go watch a movie coz we're all at the stage in life where our family, career, ourself matters comes first.

In my instance, my kids are in school, my time is heavily influenced by their 'schedule', and frankly, any free time i get is not enough time to 'chill'. It'll be like a touch n' go thing and that's no fun. Alhamdulillah though that i am a housewife, so my time is flexible. I know lots of women who are busting their necks with work & family.And i understand that my friends are also going through life stuff and all i can do is just pray for them and be there when they need me. 

Part of the package of me being a housewife is loneliness and lack of adult conversation, but i've come to terms with it long time ago. I like the pros that they outweigh the cons. However, it could probably just me though, sebab i ni tend to overthink about talking to people which turns into not talking at all. 

So it's easier to say that i don't have friends rather than explaining why i'm not with them. I tell this to my kids too so that they know that no stranger will pick them up and say they're my friend. 


That said, the other day my friend and i planned to go and have a breakfast date. I told my husband about it, and he looked at me with such earnest, pure look on his face and said:

"Good for you, yang! I'm genuinely happy for you!"😃😄😘

With a huge smile on his face. It was so pure, i could literally feel it that i almost felt emotional. 

"I'm happy for me too", i said sambil tahan sebak.


But after a while... i was like... wow. I must've been quite deprived of friend interaction to the point that my husband reacted that way 😂 

I'll... try to improve. I guess? 😬


Wednesday, July 6, 2022

Eyes and Knees

 I've been busy lately doing.... entah. Macam banyak benda tapi now that i think about it, doesn't feel like a lot...

Anyway, i think it's a mother's superpower that i am able to find things. It's like i can see beyond my vision range and see the unseen, which are the things that my kids or husband are looking for.

"Yang, where's xx?"

Me, not moving an inch, "Cuba check kat xx tu", and true enough, it is 90% there.

The success rate of me finding things are so high that whenever i said that their eyes are on their knees, they can't deny it. Sometimes when i'm angry, i tell them that their eyes are at the knee-pit (the back of the knees tu). Muahahaha! They can't even be offended nor get angry by it!

Because. It is true.

So yesterday, my daughter was looking for her entahpape, and as usual she couldn't find it. She described it as her 'small round brown bag'. Eventhough i wasn't sure what is the item, i asked her to look where she last put it. 

As usual. She couldn't find it. And i was at the kitchen prepping our dinner.

She said, "Ummi, because my eyes are at my knees, can you help me find the bag?".

I was like, "..... kan? Ok fine".


And true enough, her eyes are at her knees, and my success rate had increased to 99% because i found her small round brown bag without breaking a sweat.

Alhamdulillah, i may not have superhuman power like spiderman and stuff, but i consider this as one of my special power 😆


Wednesday, June 29, 2022

Jealousy turning saints into the sea

 So many things had happened since last week.

My son's birthday(s), my friend's passing, and lots of kids fighting.

My kids are big enough that they would physically hurt each other when fighting and it's driving me b.a.n.a.n.a.s.

It's BANANAS! B, A, N, A, N, A, S!

Someone started it, someone can't wait, someone don't want to play, aigoooooo!

Part of me wants them to just fight it out and solve their own problems, but they're kids. They don't know their limits.

One is bigger than the other, and non the wiser when it comes to strength exertion. And then, in order to protect the small-self, a weapon will be used. Thus creating a bigger havoc and precious and innocent things will be sacrificed.

Queen mother does not have it. Thus queen mother will act upon what she sees is justified. 


Anyway, last week was my son's birthday and it was his first ever birthday with everyone. He did not have the opportunity like his sister did to have parties because of covid, so this year, we just wanted to make it special for him. We had a small family dinner (with a small cake), a home dinner with my side of the family (with cake), and last weekend, with my husband's side of the family (with cake too)! And this coming weekend... another party... with his cousins and friends. Yes! With cake!

So imagine being an elder sister of such fortunate brother. Eventhough my daughter had had her birthday celebrated so largely many times before, she couldn't help but feel jealous of her younger sibling.

I can imagine it, i can emphatise but i can't encourage it. Husband and i had to sit her down after her jealous attempts to ruin her brother's birthday(s), and repetitively remind her that he never celebrated his birthday properly for the past few years. "So let him enjoy it for a while", we said.

But hearts are hard to control. Emotions aren't easily changed. Even more harder for kids. 

And like i said, they are already big enough that they fight physically, AND ALSO, clever enough to fight out of my sight so that i don't know who started it and how they hurt each other.


I honestly hope that their teenage years will be easier for me to handle and that their hearts, by then, inshaAllah, will be more softer.



Since it's school days now, one of these days, husband and i will take our daughter for a "Bonding Healing Time". To neutralise her. 

Maybe you'd think we haven't given her enough attention and that's why she went on a jealous frenzy, but the truth is we did try to pay more attention to her. In fact, my son only got his due attention during the birthday song-singing, candle blowing and cake cutting time. Other than that, he's usually just doing whatever he be doing, as usual. But sister doesn't see it that way.

Jealousy turning saints into the sea, amirite? (reference to Mr Brightside by The Killers)

Oh well.

Hope that this jealous, fighting phase just end coz i don't know what i'm doing most of the time... i mean, i don't know how to be the judge, because they do it behind my back, and i try to be as fair as possible, but i don't knowwwwww!

I just pray that Allah will help me when educating my kids, being fair, protecting and providing for them.


Tu je.


Tuesday, June 14, 2022

Unfashionable

 I used to think that i got my 'style' down.

On ordinary days, i wear t-shirt + cardi/jacket + tudung sarung + seluar jeans/palazzo. I call it my let's-go-get-up. I like it because it's practical, easy to move around in, easy to clean too.

On extraordinary days, i wear my superhero costume. Nah, just kidding.

I would try to dress up la with whatever clothes i have. I used to make it my mission to make my plain 'palate' of clothes and mix and match it to look less makcik than usual. But after a long time of not dressing up, i think i kinda lost my touch. I even forgot how i used to wear my scarf. Belit pun still macam tak kena... why? Mars, you was the one who made THE hijab tutorial that kinda changed the whole course of hijab-wearers now....? Bahahaha!


I can't believe i used to love being fashionable. I mean, i believe the 'love being fashionable' part, but i can't believe people used to care about what i wear. That was kinda cool, in a way. But that was all in the past that i will treasure. The reason i stepped out of that fashion circle was because i have higher purpose & priorities i put over that, i.e. kids. Being able to chase after my children and being stain-ready was more important 😂 


Anyway, last weekend i went out with my family for my mom's birthday. I tried my best to look ladylike to fit the hi-tea ambience.


It has been so long, skirt.. =')


I thought i looked dainty, in a 'me' kinda way.
But husband said

"Langsir"

And i was like, "what?"

And he was like, "kain baju you ni macam langsir".
Then he proceeded to say "The feel je! Baju cantik tapi kain macam langsir!". Nak cover lettew..

But damage is done. I can't unsee my baju langsir 😂😂