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I think we all have some kind of folder in our brain where we store avatars of people we've met and know.

For example, i have an avatar of my family members, along with their personalities, their likes and dislikes, their tendencies, preferences, and things i don't like about them, what to avoid, how to react in certain situations, and all that.

It's all these data about people that we've gathered throughout knowing them.

It might be a little and a lot.

These avatars we've made of people, they're based on our observation and experiences with them, and they are our impressions of these peeps.

Also, they need to be updated once in a while. Just like our computers & phones.

I'm saying this because i am absolutely positive that my kids have an avatar of me in their mind and their impressions of me are mostly not positive.

My daughter sees me as a kill-joy, because i put limit on the time she can play with her friends.

It's really hurtful because we will meet people who likes to ungkit past occasions to justify their disagreements, bad behaviours, bad choices etc. Imagine tengah argue, and then orang tu ungkit kisah berapa tahun dulu. Padahal banyak je banda lain kita dah buat for them that should be able to 'cancel' out that bad impressions kan?

Benda baik tanak ingat. Nak jugak ingat yang buruk kan.

The other day, my daughter did this to me la which made me so hurt. I just couldn't make her change her mind about me no matter what i do, and it is frustrating.

I told my husband about it, so he did his best to educate her. But then the fear of being hurt again by my child lingers around me.

She is still a child, but the part of me that imagines how much harder it'll be when she gets older, gets me.

It's weird to think about how when i see tiktok videos about how parents could harm a child's future, yet here i am on the opposite side, scared of how my kids could potentially destroy my kokoro. My kokoro is very soft & sensitive hehee..

Because no matter how 'best' we try to give and provide for them, selagi diorang tak update their avatar of me, selagi tu la i will always be the witch in their lives.

And thus, i often tell myself to update my avatars of people i know and hold dear. 

It's best not to only hold on to bad impressions, but remember that people have different opinions, preferences, experiences, circumstances, and everyone is different. People are also allowed to be emotional, irrational, forgetful, careless, just as they are allowed to grow, improve and change.

Of course i don't claim that i am consciously changing my impressions of people. 

But i must hold myself accountable la if because of my not-updating my avatars, i may have hurt people.

Huhh..