Who knew ikan bilis would give me the feels

 Yesterday i posted a video on instagram: 

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A post shared by Maria Elena Zarul (@mariaelenazarul)

I didn't think much of it. It is about IKAN BILIS.

It was just one of those things.. you know.. Anyway, i just posted it thinking absolutely nothing. Post and blah, gitu.

Tetiba ada comment and then i commented back la.

And that's all.

Later that night, as i was sitting in the passenger seat of the car, i thought i checked la what had happened to the post. Maybe ada inquiry ke apa kan.

But they're mostly comments about how i had disappeared for a long time and my voice!

I didn't know there are people who cared about my existence that much to the point that my voice brings something to them... nostalgia, i think sebab i used to make videos a lot, didn't i?

I couldn't even finish reading the comments, because i was fighting back tears and that lump in my throat made me cough..

I didn't want to cry.. because i chose to leave that world. The social media world. Although I'm slowly getting back, but part of me is pulling myself by the collar because it could be a bad idea.

Social media is not to be blamed, it's me. 

For the past year, i enjoyed not being active online. There's no pressure. There's no time spent on editing videos, pictures, captions. There's no need to pause people for a "meaningful", "funny", "candid" photo or quickly taking video, and whatever else for the sake of content. I was that person. I don't wanna be that person no more.

I also enjoyed not looking at other people's feeds. Menjauhi potensi gosip material, insecurities, keinginan untuk ada sebenda sesuatu, dan lain lain. It's freedom.

But then this time, I hope this time, maybe, perhaps, i could just take it easy. I want to use my own personal instagram as my photobook and i hope i can enjoy it positively.

I probably won't post much, or at all. Honestly i don't want to share my kids' photos much. So maybe some shameless selfies?

Haha!! I hardly have pictures of myself in my phone......

My friends, families and followers alike were greeting me on my ikan bilis post truly made me feel touched.

Thank you everyone, sincerely. For not forgetting me, for your concerns, for caring.

I pray that Allah SWT bless you with abundance of happiness dunia & akhirah 👐 

Don't expect much, because who knows, maybe i'll disappear again or maybe i'll be feeding my ig so much sampai orang menyampah. 💁