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Friday, March 25, 2016

Mom with a project


I always find it challenging to answer this question:
"What do you do?"

Well, i'm a mom, a wife, and i'm home most of the time. Sometimes, yes, i do go out to the tailor to sort out my samples and whatever project i plan to sell, i also go groceries shopping, sometimes take nadrah out somewhere so that she can play after her school, i also read, watch tv, cook, clean, sometimes i blog, sometimes i instagram. So yeah.

What do i do?
By 8pm, my battery level is often low and everytime my husband asks me what i did for the day, i always answer:
"Oh, the usual. Clean, go *settle something*, *did something with mom*, then masak."
Doesn't sound so impressive, but seriously, it feels like a lot.
Some days, my muscles get all sore and my pregnant belly gets all tight sampai semput gila.

I guess from another person's point of view, my "job" really is just chilling at home, having fun with my child, smiling blissfully, and the house is always clean. Reality is, i'm always tired, on not so good days, i don't even want to be near Nadrah (when she's in those tantrum-nothing-is-right-mood or i'm too tired from doing chores), my eyes are like panda's, and the house is always a mess, no matter how many times i clean it.

Though, to be honest, i use my time trying to learn more about myself and people because i want to equip myself with as much knowledge as i can for my own contentment and for the sake of my children's future.

It's a different era now. People can get straight A's for exams but still couldn't land a place in universities of their choice. People can have impressive resume but unable to pass interviews. People can be so highly educated but have no manners and no sense of responsibility.

Therefore, to change the future, i have to start with myself.
I've been reconditioning myself, getting out of my "auto-pilot" mode, and really do things with knowledge, not habit. It hasn't been easy because we all tend to be blind when it comes to our own weaknesses.

So what i do is, i gather all the things i remember about how i have been with these two groups:
1. Close friends and families
2. Strangers

Just to be clear, this process has started about 2 years ago. Lama kan? Bahahaa

Naturally, i've been saying, acting and reacting differently with the 2 groups.
For example, i go all angelic to strangers when they ask for advice. I would go all out on research for hadiths/ayat Quran to help people, and would even hurry to aid others.
But with my close friends and families, i'll be like "ala, chill la!", because part of me don't want to scare them away with my deepquotes or whatever, and they know me well enough that if i do say deepquotes and stuff to them, they'll be like "he eleh, takyah bajet sangat boleh tak? We know how you really are"-kinda-thing.

I've met some people that were like this too. Upon seeing it, i didn't like it, that's why i decided to do something about it. I want to be real, like really me, to the point that i can say, act and react the same way to both groups.
Alhamdulillah, so far so good. I can be myself to everyone, even families, that it isn't awkward anymore when i go all psychological or religious. I have learnt to analyse a person (not expertly though) to know what kind of things i should say or do with them, instead of main hantam je cakap.

It's easier to be that better person and then lead through example instead of pretending or just keeping up appearances.
My own pursuit of 'happy'ness is to be content and find happiness doing normal routine stuff, doing them all with ikhlas lillahi taala, and try to be a better version of myself. When i'm happy, then inshaAllah my family's happy. When they're happy, they make others happy.
You know, the Ripple Effect.

The changes and positivity in one person could affect an entire generation.
I really do want what's best for the future generations. InshaAllah.

So now, how do i answer the old golden question:
"What do you do?"

How's this:
"I'm a mom and uhhh... yeah. I'm a mom with a project."

Then there's this question:
"oh yeah? What project?"

My answer:
Ok just kidding.
"Oh the usual. Clean, learning and preparing for the unpredictable future, taking care of my child(ren) and family. You know."


Oh well.

Throwback of me & nadrah at the bird park =)


Chqz said...

may we all keep improving ourselves to become better insyaAllah :)

sufiyyah zulkifli said...

k.maria, this is inspiring!

when the kids ask me this question, "teacher, what is your ambition?"

my answer, "surirumah!!" ^_^

Shandra Winata said...

Artikelnya sangat menarik, semoga bisa bermanfaat bagi orang banyak, lanjutkan kerja kerasnya yah gan ^_^

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syasandeul said...

however, i found it quite hard for me to keep "istiqamah" in being a better version, sismaria :(

i enjoy reading this post anywayyyyy! <3

Miss nuha.naila said...

Saya pun cuba niat macam tu every time buat apa2 kerja, so far rasa happy and lebih tenang even though apa yang saya buat tu kadang2 ada orang tak hargai . At least tak rasa kecewa sangat dah :)

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