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Monday, March 7, 2016

Introvert and Extrovert


I have an introvert brother, and i thought that that would make me understand what an introvert is.
Boy, was i wrong!

Being married to an introvert is certainly an adventure.
Me, the super emotional one vs my husband, the introvert and basically heartless one.

*he's not exactly heartless, but he doesn't delve into emotions like normal person would. Bahahaha!*

The other day husband said he doesn't know what he was feeling at *a* moment, until he has time to really digest it.

"So all this time bila i tanya you rindu i tak, you don't know what you mean when you said you do??", i said.

He really didn't. Until he realises the emptiness in his heart, the silence of the house, the boredom he felt and etcetra etcetra was actually him missing me.
For me, it's strange that he doesn't know what his feelings meant. For him, it's strange that i feel so much. And talk so much.
And enjoy being around people.
He doesn't get me and i don't get him. I mean, we do know each other, but we don't understand.

Me, the extrovert, i get energy from people. I like meeting friends and families. In fact, if i was tired, being around people actually make me energised.

Him, the introvert, he gets energy from being alone. Being around people makes him tired. 

One day, i could sense that he was having a tough day because he was quiet throughout dinner and into the night. 
I kept asking him what's wrong and stuff, but in the end i got frustrated because i couldn't get an answer from him.
I expected you know, a conversation like this:
Me: What's wrong? Ok ke keje?
Him: Hmmm.. Ada problem. I blahblahblha, so blahblahblha, boohooohooo...

And then we talk it out in warm embrace, and then me telling him all the inspirational stuff like:
Me: You can do this, sayang. Because you're a blahblahblah and i blahblahblah. I love you.
Him: Sayang, i can't do this without you. You are my love, my precious gemstone, my life, my everything! I cannot imagine what my world would be like without you. I love you so much to the other galaxy and back.

And then he proposed to me and we got married and we live happily ever after.

But reality was different.
Well, first off, we're already married, so scratch that.
But he didn't declare his magnificent love for me. He just kept to himself. I had to eat my imagination for supper because it never came true.

My whole life experience of living with an introvert brother did not make me understand an introvert that much, rupanya.

So here's what you should know about an introvert:
1. Them being alone does not mean they're lonely. They're enjoying their time away from physical interaction with people.
2. They are not emotional (publicly). So don't expect them to cry over things you're crying over. They feel things, but just not expressive.
3. Publicly, they can be awkward or normal. If they're not in the mood, they're probably just stand in a group but seriously not listening to a word. If they are, they can talk and join in the conversation.
4. They're good at pretending they're listening (most likely for adults. Kalau teenagers tu, diorang belum asah lagi kebolehan ni).
5. If they like doing something, they will do it alone. Like playing games, travelling, watching movies, etc etc. So takyah terasa if you're left out. 
6. They don't care about what others think. Because they're introvert. So most likely, their inner voice is super loud sampai it can cover the noise around them. Their inner voice is just one voice i think...
7. They can be reasoned with, so don't think that introverts are selfish. They're okay je.
8. They can achieve stuff on their own. Like studying for exams.

Here's what you should know about extroverts:
1. They're not necessarily loud. They just have a lot to talk about and express that they probably could not hear themselves because the sound of their brain working to find files and datas in the memory folders were too loud.
2. They really do feed off the energy of others.
3. They like socialising because of point 2. Therefore, they like to do things in groups, like travelling, watching movies, etc etc.
4. They understand and learn better in study groups (groups la in general) because discussions open their minds.
5. They're not necessarily happy go lucky. I've met several angry extroverts. >_< They're comfortable talking about their feelings and thoughts.
6. They're able to struck a conversation with anyone. Tapi ikut mood jugak la. But once dah masuk gear, susah nak stop.
7. They can make people feel like they know each other very well. Or they are socially awkward. 
8. They probably have inner voices. And their inner voices talk over each other. That's probably why you've met people who talk fast and a lot in a short period. 

8 points each!
Now these points are based on MY observation and personal experiences with people (which can be right or wrong). Of course we couldn't generalise everyone to be a 'type'.
Eventhough i am an extrovert, i don't like small talks unless i have to, and i'm choosy. I like watching tv in silence.
Eventhough my husband is an introvert, he likes meeting people he can learn from. And he talks while watching tv. *he doesn't mind recapping a whole episode while watching a show he's into. I, memang tak la! I will grunt at him or ignore him completely when he asks me questions while i watch my show.*

The fact that we chose to marry each other eventhough we're practically from opposite universe, means that we're willing to compromise. =)

So i basically share this because i wanna share how introverts and extroverts are nothing more than just people =) A person can be a very strong introvert/extrovert, but there are lots of people yang tolerable level of intro/extrovert. Nak senang, kita just respect and know that not everyone's like us. Bila dah tau, then kita tak senang terasa or ada expectation kat orang =)

Annnnnnnnnnnddddd.. Here's my awkward sign-off!
Thanks for reading and do share your thoughts!


Steyfa Isle said...

I considered myself as an introvert, I enjoy being alone. But I can be very open to people (that i know) sometimes. I am a very good listener, like very good one. So now I don't know what I am. hahaha

putri setiani said...

I would suggest you to read Quiet by Susan Cain, I guess you will find it interesting. As a pure blood introvert, I understand myself more by reading the book. Or maybe you have?

Ardilla Noorezan said...

I am ambivert, sometimes an extrovert, sometimes an introvert, depends on my mood hehe

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

Hey there,
There are 4 dimensions to every person
1. There extroverts and introverts
2. There are feelers and thinkers
The way you describe your husband seems to me like he's a thinker, not a feeler. There are introverts who are comfortable with emotions and are even romantic, poetic. These introverts are feelers and make good writers. An example of a feeler introvert is the author of Harry Potter.
3. Then there are sensors and intuitives - this is how you approach life.
Sensors love step by step instructions, understand only concrete things, and live in the moment. Intuitives are very abstract, creative and live for the future. An intuitive introvert is someone like Bill Gates, and Mark Zuckenberg.
4. There are judgers and percievers.
Judgers are organized, and *always* have a plan. Percievers are spontaneous and go with the flow. Introverts who are judgers (organized), despite being quiet, make good leaders, like Ghandi.

I recommend you and your husband try out the 16 personality tests at so that you both have a thorough understanding of each other.

It can be frustrating when husbands aren't romantic, but often those who aren't are very responsible and take care of you well.

Hope this helps.

Maria Elena Zarul said...

Maryam Mohamed Amin,

You must be very into this psychology stuff (because i am, but i'm only learning through interacting with people, google & some books). Since i've just been focused on extro/introverts, i wasn't aware of the other 3 dimensions!!!
Thank you!!
Much much love =D

Miss M said...

You should do a Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) online test. We studied on the 16 criteria and it helps us so much it's so interesting. I learn new things about my husband everyday.
After my husband and I did this test, we understand each other on a whole other level. We communicate better and we fight less.

As you studied more, you'll learn about love language. You'll be surprised on how it effects on your communication and relationships.

Unknown said...

Vice versa dgn husband just like u.. Dah bace ur blog bru tau..n i'm introvert!!omg

Atiey MN said...

same goes with me n husband...masing2 berbeza tapi as long as we can handle dan boleh bahahaha sama2, oklah..(^_^)

Fafa Aziz said...

Nice one =)

. : Nusaibah : . said...

I'm an introvert and got married to an extrovert!


Yeah, I got energy and satisfaction by doing things alone :D

ijan said...

terima kasih maria..atas entry yang berguna sangat ni...Add on knowledge..barulah faham..

keep writing ek.

love to read based on your experiences and opinion.

Siti Hajar said...

Great post! in such details. Good to know about it.

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Butik Faida said...

I would suggest you to try this personality test. It has helped me tremendously in understanding myself so much better! Dulu I thought I was bipolar la, depressed la etc. Turns out, I am just a little different and a little rare! I am actually an INFJ-T! :) It explains a lot, and I can now understand, express and respond a lot better to little changes I feel within myself and others. Try la! Because it's not just being an introvert or extrovert, it's a lot more than that. We're not exactly that simple, but not that difficult too.

Unknown said...

Artikelnya sangat menarik, semoga bisa bermanfaat bagi orang banyak, lanjutkan kerja kerasnya yah gan ^_^

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she's vicke syarifah said...

aww!! u just gimme the answer ! now im more confident to get married..mih mih mih..this help much.

bino said...

me toooo
i got energized by doing things alone.. like so much.. but i still learn to not ignoring the need of friends

Jocelyn Lum said...

Interesting post.
I learned about Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) in 2014. I am an introvert.The trainer shared this:" You can move to the left or right or neutral scale when you are with people who are different from you."

I am still, an introvert:)

Syaf said...

I am an introvert + proud! :D nice post, now i understand extroverts plak!

Unknown said...