Thursday, November 15, 2012

dreams

assalamualaikum wbt

i've been reading a lot of stories about people's dreams coming true lately.
macam pelik, is it a trending topic? maybe it's just a coincidence.
heee..

so, dreams.
i'm a dreamer (like everybody else), and (like everybody else) i wish they'd come true.
some dreams came true, but some did not, and some will never.

and i'm ok with that =)

one of my dreams was to become a doctor and save lives. but i know that can never come true because for one, i've already finished my degree in engineering and now pursuing masters (still) in engineering.

i dreamt of studying overseas because i want to experience being a foreigner and being independent. but that can't come true too. i'm currently studying, in malaysia..

i dreamt of being a drummer for artists like Beyonce and Michael Jackson. but i know that will never ever happen coz i can't stand the loud banging sounds and i had carpal tunnel at my wrists and it sucked. since i stopped playing, dah ok dah =)
oh and i'll never play for MJ since he's not alive and kicking now is he. =p
beyonce? she wanted me to play for her. haha! in your dreams mars. tapi memang pun. just a dream =)

there're loads more dreams i wish would come true, but i think being a doctor and studying overseas were my 2 top things i wanted but didn't get.
drumming tu memang tak aaa. tu imagination semata mata! hehehe =p
so now, after years of letting go of my dreams, i wondered why i didn't get them in the first place.

when i was in matrix, i dapat sains fizikal. i managed to change my course and got into sains hayat. but after 2 weeks of classes, i just can't go with it dah. i get bored in biology classes, i get nauseated at the thought of surgery and squirm when i see needles. how are those traits of a doctor?
i can't even draw a simple mitokondria!
(i didn't inherit mom's creative hands)
i ni dah la takde seni. cuba kalau dalam surgery, after cutting open skin sume, pastu nak jahit balik, memang kesian la patient i tu. macam frankenstein kang. haha!
and cuba kalau i nak cocok orang, nak sample darah konon, cocok je, i pengsan.
nurse sambung amik darah, i terlentang kat lantai.
terbaek! =p
and i thought, the reason why i wanted to be a doctor is ultimately coz i want to save lives. padahal as what i am now pun can save lives =) but not in the ways of a doctor la. heee..

pasal studying overseas lak, i guess i didn't get it coz it wouldn't do me good. the way i used to be, i think i akan jadi lebih rosak instead of better. coz i adapt easily and i wasn't strong in my beliefs.
i imagine if i was in a foreign country.. i probably would adapt to their lifestyle and ikut cara diorang. i think i akan lupa diri..
i thought being strong means being independent, being as far away from family as possible, but now i think being strong heavily depends on the heart.
and my heart wasn't strong dulu.

the way i see it, my dreams did come true, only differently.
i help people semana i boleh even without being a doctor
i have education, and eventhough i didn't study overseas, but dapat scroll gak

=)

but then, tipu la kalau i kata i redha with everything dulu.
when i changed course from sains hayat to sains fizikal, i was frustrated with myself. i felt like a disappointment not only to myself but to my family too.. i knew how much my parents wanted a doctor in the family. since my 2 elder brothers were already halfway through their non-medicine-related studies, i knew i was their only hope. and i knew my mom wanted me to study abroad because she missed her chance dulu.. and as much as i wanted it too, when i didn't get scholarships, there's nothing else i could do. my parents couldn't afford it, so i moved on. but the bricks of not being able to be what i dreamt of being weighed me down. i moved on, yes, but i couldn't let go.


it was recently when my friends went all over the world for work that i got this realisation. it required a lot of flashbacks and bila dah accept, i felt like all the disappointments i had for myself just dissipate into thin air. =') it's a great feeling!


Alhamdulillah syukur for everything.. Alhamdulillah for the dreams not made true. Alhamdulillah for the dreams that did made true. =)

Allah SWT knows and understands me better than anyone else. myself included.
i didn't know what's best for me, i don't know my capabilities, i don't know my weaknesses, i don't know a lot of things about myself!


but i do know i have Allah SWT to trust and choose what's best for me for Allah SWT is the best of planners =)



and so far, it's a great journey! alhamdulillah!
hope that whatever Allah swt has planned for us, we'll be able to make the best out of every opportunity given =)
in sha Allah =D

salam =)

34 comments:

Aqy | Ela Ahmad said...

Allah knows better . always :)

Innanie | Ariffin said...

Sungguh, Allah memberi yang terbaik buat setiap dari pada kita, setiap inci yang terjadi pada kita punya hikmah tersendiri. ;)

Akmal Khalidah said...

Allah knows best for His servants :) Go kak maria go!!! :D

huns izzati said...

Kak Maria, your story is sort of similar to mine. I wanted to be a doctor, did go to medical school and went abroad under my parents scholarship. But I failed my first year and I quit medicine... so hard to give up something that you've pictured yourself doing 10 years from now and start a new dream. And now I'm about to graduate from Actuarial Sc insyaAllah. Like you said, Allah and His plans are great. Thanks for sharing ♥

Cik Sya M.S said...

yes kak maria! sometime terfikir jugak, apa yang kita buat hari ni takda kaitan langsung dengan impian kita dulu-dulu. tapi, must go with it. Allah knows best for us :)

padelsulaiman said...

setuju!

Si GadisSemasa said...

betul tu kak maria . Allah dah tuliskan kat atas sana apa yang dia rancang utk kita . saya pun dream utk fly overseas utk degree nnt . insyaAllah .

although ur dream tk jadi kenyataan , look at you now kak maria . u're a wonderful person :)

all the best kak maghiaaa !

Dr. Nur Shazwani Farah Md. Mydin Siddik said...

Nice entry 2 b shared! Be grateful with what u r now and never give up on ur undertaking field :).. I'm married to an engineer and currently is a project manager with "IR" titled at age of 28y.o...I'm juz an ordinary doctor currently specializing in plastic surgery field..well said be smart and must use the oppurtunity wisely given by Allah..it comes "once" ;) gudluck!

serikandi ISLAM said...

Alhamdulillah. Allah is the best planner =)

Nurul Afiqah said...

my dream is to be able to speak in english as good as u & in different accent. do u have any idea so that i can achieve my dream wahai kak maria yg superb? heeee... ^^

miszfazierra said...

betul, kita hanya mampu merancang tapi Allah yg menentukan segalanya.

Artika Syahada said...

you're truly my sources of inspiration lah! hee :) xx

Jαnnαhツ said...

wow, sains hayat ke sains fizikal? drastic change, i must say. but you did it! you get through it well sis. and your life is the one everyone most likely would be jealous of.

nadzirah afiqah said...

kak maria...im from sains fizikal n change my course to sains hayat...

plan nk jadi lawyer(score 4 flat,lari field) but end up stranded kt moscow ambil medic..but this is what Allah SWT planned for me...just have fun n go with the flow.. :)

mummamiahaha said...

me too..rase same.
wanna be a doctor.sains hayat but Allah planned da best for me.

IzZah Karim said...

seriously adore your writing :')

nurul said...

Allah plan is the best! :)
www.dresslover84.blogspot.com

missnadira said...

Yes, Allah have designed the best for us, things that suits us the most.

For what it's worth Maria, you are kinda living MY dream.

I've been dreaming to study in UTP since I'm in high school.
But God have other ways for me, I've just graduated from MMU recently.

I've wanted to study engineering/be an engineer, but still a girly girl at the same time. brain and beauty.
I've always wanted to be a model or be on a magazine cover.

You tick all those boxes.

I just thought of continuing my Masters in Engineering, you are already way ahead of me.

What's even better, you potrays the Muslim girl image beautifully.

We might not think we're living our dream, but sometimes our 'dull' life, is a dream life for some others.

Great post anyway. Thanks for sharing.;)



Nadhirah Yasmin said...

kita yg merancang ALLAH yg menentukan

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Kamil Sharaidin said...

I guess after I live abroad for so long, I do realised, most of us, Malaysian dreams something based on people perception. We usually think by having a good job or being a professional we can do good thing and have better life style.That is somehow true but we are leaving in "too much" what people think someone should be.Yet we forget what we like to do and what make you excite us the most when we wake up every morning.When you do something that you love and passion about, everything will be turn out good.no matter what it is and Insyallah will make you happy

and..We tend to have different perception on western countries nowadays. even thought there is good and bad things overthr but most of islamic values are mostly being adapt and practise in western countries.If someone travel abroad will likely to realise this.We see most Islam in western countries sometimes. surprisingly the most growing religion of Islam is in UK and Australia

I encourage, we Malaysian to travel a lot as other western people do, to get life time education.you will learn a lot of beautiful things that meaningful to you then spending money buying unnecessary stuff :)

Tierafatinah said...

hi maria. does sometime.com.my ship to brunei? ive emailed them a number of times but they never to reply! :( i want to buy your bags! :D

outbound malang said...

salam super sahabat,
tetap semangat dan sukses selalu ya
ditunggu kunjungan baliknya :)

outbound malang said...

salam super sahabat,
tetap semangat dan sukses selalu ya
ditunggu kunjungan baliknya :)

outbound malang said...

salam super sahabat,
tetap semangat dan sukses selalu ya
ditunggu kunjungan baliknya :)

outbound malang said...

salam super sahabat,
tetap semangat dan sukses selalu ya
ditunggu kunjungan baliknya :)

Seneorita Baharin said...

As salam. Agreed with u sista gangsta. Allah is the Great and Allah is the best planner. Allahuakbar!
P/s~ Pray 4 Gaza

Aalia Shahira said...

Kak maria , something when we feel it is the best for us , it is not . i do get offer to study abroad but when i do isthikarah .. the answer is no . end up being form 6 student because i dont want to do diploma which waste my time . i wanted to go abroad to do law and i get it under yayasan pahang but need to tolak the offer . frust memang frust ... but HE knows the best .

Life must be go on and now i'm still trying to be loved on form 6 . wish i'm success kak manis :)

Cikk Wardah said...

kak maria, i wish to be strong as you.

elisa shahira said...

Hye Kak Maria.. I just need an advice from you.Here it goes, I'm still a student and basically I'm sucks in studies lately. My dreams are also the same as you, to be a doctor, save people's life but I'm scared of blood and needles and I hate medicines. Biology and Physics for me are killer subjects. So, what do u think? should i proceed on my dream?

aisya zainal said...

saya harap dapat tulis post begini tentang pengalaman dan kejayaan saya bila saya dah besar nanti.

Maria Elena Zarul said...

wow missnadira, never thought of it that way.. thank you! that is very insightful! =D
in sha Allah, you will achieve your dreams and maybe more! =)

thank you for all your feedback, stories and support!

may Allah swt bless all of you with barakah in everything you do!
may you achieve great things in life! =D
amiiinn =)

mya fathira tyrex said...

i like this post
get inspired ;)

nYUn said...

Allah know the best for hambaNya.. ;)