true love

i went through so many obstacles..
i had to go through a broken lift, i had to swim, and finally..

i saw my arwah tok.

and i cried.
and he cried too.

i asked him "why tok.. why have you been gone for so long.."
he was sitting down, while i was kneeling next to him, holding his hands.
"i miss you tok.. tokwan pun.."
he just cried.. he reached out a hand and held my face and smiled.

and then i woke up from my sleep. with tears running down my face.

al-fatihah..

i miss him so much..

my arwah tok was an amazing guy.
he was in the police force, so he had discipline and he had this aura that made everyone respect him.
i remember when i was younger, he would take my brothers and i to subang parade to eat extravagantly at mcdonalds - masa tu mcd macam mahal, and then he would take us to toys r' us and let us have anything we want.
oh joy!
i always pick out the cheap stuff coz i segan nak take the expensive ones. i always take like polly pockets yang paling simple, sometimes soft toys and stickers. while my brothers, hmph! opportunists!
they would pick the expensive lego toys, and my youngest brother dapat the car for kids tu.
cis jealous betul tapi tanak beli mahal mahal.
takut tok tak mampu. redha je laaaaaaaaaa.
hehee..

arwah tok left us when i was form 2..
i cried so hard then.. because i remember how he would sacrifice for us.. he lived with my tokwan in shah alam, and he would just drive to wherever we were to help us and even send us to tuition classes when he was sick..
he died due to lung cancer..

it was so sad.
a few years after he left, my tokwan stayed with us. she has leg problems, so she cant climb stairs, sit too long, walk too far, and stand too long. and she loves gardening and cooking.. so her leg problems kind of stopping her from doing them. kesian dia..

haritu as i was making cucur kurma, i talked to her helper who was taking care of her. she told me that tokwan was crying.
"ha? nape lak kak?"

"sebab dia tengah rindu arwah tok. ena tau tak kadang kadang tokwan bangun tengah malam pastu nangis sebab dia rindu arwah tok. pastu dia cari gambar arwah tok pastu peluk peluk gambar tu.
kadang kadang dia ambik baju arwah tok yang tinggal satu tu pastu peluk baju tu.
kakak pun tak tau apa nak buat..
orang dah pergi, nak buat camane kan.."

menangis aku masa tgh siat siat si kurma tu.
ada gak hingus meleleh.
huhu..

but it was sad to hear.
tokwan loves tok very very much, everyone can tell. coz she has pictures of him in her room, in her house, and she would talk so passionately about arwah tok and about how they fell in love.
=')

that is true love.

tokwan advised me "ena, bila kahwin, memang you will have problems. memang akan naik turun. but you have to face them together. don't tell people about your problems with your husband. you face it and you solve your problems with each other."
in sha Allah tokwan =)

not too long ago, my tokwan wasn't feeling so well.
she almost gave up, until my mom talked to her and then the weekend when i came home, i went to see her.
she held my hand and said "ena, no matter what, i will be there at your wedding. i will! i must!"
and she said that with tears brimming in her eyes.
i pun apa lagi.
nangis la juga.

hehee.. i'm a very emotional girl, it's plain obvious.

i hardly tell stories about my grandma, tokwan.
because her stories are the kind that would make me cry. the things she does and had been doing since i was a child, are the kind of things i hope i will do when i have kids and grandkids and more.
she never stopped cooking even when it hurts her to, and she would cook anything we like, just because!
my tokwan is very very kind and has a very very gentle yet strong heart.
my tokwan is also a very funny person =)
i think my dad got it from her, and i got it from my dad. hehe =p

and so, when i learnt that she still shed tears for arwah tok, makes me wonder.. how it's like to loose the people you love in your life..
mesti rindu yang teramat..
i had 14 years of memories with my arwah tok pun i boleh rindu. what about her?
mesti la lagi rindu..

so cherish the people in your life. especially family because no one can replace them.
make memories with them so that when they leave this world, at least you know you've had fond memories with them.
=')

may we meet in Jannah, in sha Allah =')