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Wednesday, August 21, 2019

Unsocial media


Ok last weekend i was invited to share about my life (managing business & family) at an event on motherhood.
I learnt a lot from other speakers too!
I hope i punya sharing tu ada la benefit dia.


I understand that a lot of moms struggle with time management. How to balance family, work and self? Sometimes it can be so overwhelming and it can affect our mental, emotional, spiritual and physical self.
I was there and even now, i have my "system of a down" state once in a while. Only difference is dulu i couldn't cope with it, but now i can bear it better and can bring myself out of that state without shattering to small pieces.

It was when i saw this quote:

"Are you happy or distracted?"

It's so easy to be distracted these days when our distraction comes from our charged phone and internet.

I kept saying that we need to know ourself blablabla but how much of myself am i really being when i was online a lot looking at instagram and looking at other people living their lives?

SO. I took it upon myself and did this experiment to see how social media affects my life. My objectives were:
1. To know if i am truly being myself or if i was influenced.
2. To know how i live my life without the "distraction".
3. To know if i am happy or distracted.

And so i started it around august last year. What i set out to do were:
1. Don't open instagram & facebook often, especially my personal instagram since i was more active there. Limit to once a day, only for 15minutes.
2. Don't need to update unless i want to and when i have to. 
3. Try to create real memories and not just go through life thinking of materials for 'content'.

It was difficult at first because i was addicted to instagram. Not opening it while cooking, waiting in the car when the traffic light was red, while waiting for my kids, while watching tv, while wearing my shoes, omg. I was looking at it more than i realised! You'd think that looking at your instagram is like 5 minutes thing but when you accumulate the times you're on it, BUDDUMTUSHHHH!
The withdrawal of not looking at my instagram was like an itch i couldn't scratch. Gatal je tangan nak tengok!
But i always ask myself, "nak tengok apa? apa kat instagram tu yang you nak sangat tengok?"
It took a while, but it worked hehe!
After about 2 weeks of not opening my instagram, it got easier and easier. Suddenly i wasn't looking on my personal account and see what other people are doing or sharing for weeks.
And now, after about a year of not obsessively addictively opening my instagram, i can now see how it affects my life.

So back to my objectives.
1. To know if i am truly being myself or if i was influenced.

= I was taken aback by how much of myself i was NOT being because i was unaware of how influenced i was by others. For example, i see someone using a mop yang macam canggih pastu tetiba i also want that mop, padahal my mop is good enough already 😅
Or, yang paling in common with moms, comparing other kids with ours. "why anak xxx boleh jalan at 5 months, but anak i merangkak pun belum?" - contoh je.
And then kita stress rasa pressured and probably wondered if there's something wrong with our kids or am i an incompetent mom? 
Eventhough i've said before that we should follow people or pages that can affect us positively, add values in our life, but i cannot deny too that i strayed more than i realised to see what other people were doing. Secara tak sengaja! From kononnya nak cari recipe, tetibe tertengok entahpape 😑
Taking myself away from instagram allowed me to influence myself. Make my own opinions without being influenced by other people's opinions, have my own perspective, and listen to what i want to listen, read what i want to read, watch what i want to watch - everything; with more freedom.

2. To know how i live my life without the "distraction".

= Without being obsessed over instagram, i have been able to do things i've always wanted to do but had forgotten. I had more time to think, use my braincells, to learn and to do more! Before, i always thought i didn't have much time. Well... That was because i was using my time to look on instagram and looking at other people living their lives instead of looking and living my own. I was busy looking for "motivation", "inspiration", that i've wasted those times when instead i could have just figure my life out and do something about it.
Now i can manage my time and i've been using it to do the things i've been wanting to do. Of course i couldn't do it all, but it's all in my plannings! 
Perhaps some of you would think "yeah that's all good and stuff, but i can't just travel (it's what i've always wanted to do!) coz i have kids and where can i get the money?? Time lagi! We don't get no holidays!".
I feel yah sistah!
That's why kita buat apa yang realistically kita boleh buat sekarang, and if you're into learning something new, there's always something online you can get for free or with little fee. Ada je! You want to work from home pun boleh! Just google for work at home jobs, part time jobs, whatever jobs and see if you can do something. Then, inshaAllah when our kids have grown bigger, they're more responsible, by then we have these set of skills, knowledge, credibility (and money!) to pursue our dreams and ambitions. InshaAllah 💓

3. To know if i am happy or distracted.

= I was distracted most of the time. I didn't want to face my own reality, so i distract myself from what's stressing me out. It's the easier and most safest way isn't it? But it's not really good la. Sebab problems memang akan surface once in a while, and i had to face it rather than tai chi-ing it sampai tak settle settle. 
Dulu i wasn't aware because it was automatic. Rasa stress je, online. Rasa worry, online. Bukak instagram tengok all this motivational successful people to be motivated and stuff but in the end, i didn't try hard enough. I just macam naik semangat, pastu sambung rutin harian 😅
Now, when i'm stressed, i try to work things out, and yes, i still do procrastinate, tapi at least i can say i'm happy when i am happy, and i'm stressed when i'm stressed. Awareness or kesedaran ni paling penting. So when i'm stressed, i give myself a timeline to be stressed, and after that, i have to find solutions. This is the hardest part for real heheee.. 

Honestly now, i have more real memories and i cherish real life. I value live communications and conversations than likes or hearts. I don't shop impulsively anymore and i don't feel pressured to look and be a certain way. I'm more confident with myself because i know what i wear, what i want to do and why i'm doing it is because of my own deliberation. My choices and decisions were made with my own research and considerations. 

HOWEVER! That doesn't mean i don't want to hear other people's opinions! I still do like to know from different perspectives. It's just that i don't take people's word blindly, and i will try to be aware of my own reasonings. 
It's really easy to be swayed by other people and the sad part is, we don't realise we're being swayed.

The downside of being away from social media is that i don't know what's happening most of the time. News kat tv pun tak tengok, so i rely on my husband and radio to keep me updated. Also, my social life is now very kosong sebab i tak social kat social media 😂 Earlier stage of the experiment, i felt so empty & lifeless because i depended on feeling alive on instagram. Bongok kan? Tapi it's the truth. When i wasn't online, it felt like no one remembers me. It was sad......
Now i'm so over it! I pun faham people are busy raising their families and have stuff going on in their lives. So who am i to kisah kan sebab i pun camtu 😀

We always see and hear people say "be you", "be true to yourself", "be different", "be unapologetically you" etc etc.

But seriously.

How much of you are you truly being if you're influenced by others and don't even notice it?
How much of your life are you living when your time is spent scrolling through other people's lives?
How can you be happy when you're comparing yourself with others?
How can you commit your time to yourself, family, life when you're committed to distractions?
How can you inspire or encourage your kids to "be true to you" when you don't even know how to be yourself?

We can have some time. As much as 15 minutes pun cukup each day to make our lives be more meaningful and purposeful.
We can!

Just like how our kids grow, we need to grow too. We don't ever stop growing. Nadrah always ask me questions and when i say i don't know, she'll be like "how can you don't know? You know everything!". And as usual, i will answer "i know some stuff more than you, but i'm still learning! You never stop learning la".
Hope she'll understand that the search for knowledge never ends =)

I am not saying that you (my precious readers) to quit social media-ing!
You do you! I'm sure as adults you pun have your ways on doing things kan 😊 I'm just sharing the results of this "experiment". 
It has been a year =')
Cepat betul masa berlalu..

And thus is the end of this super long post.

Muka tak malu

"Are you judging me?" face.
Atau "Ya Allah silau nya tak nampak" face.

Ok bai


munamuni said...

Omg, this writing is so onzz zis. U turned what in my mind into words. Keep inspiring others, sometimes inspiration not always come from rich entrepreneur, every people has their own stories and we can get motivated from them.

Slumber Lady said...

I can relate totally!

Started last year juga around october, I try untuk control phone/screen usage. Nak-nak kerja dari rumah. Huhu.

Found out that the first hour and the last hour of our day sangat precious. SO tried utk buka phone at certain times only. Bgtahu org sekeliling siap-siap emergency call! Bukan whatsapp. Hehe.

That time macam ya Allah tenangnya hidup. Currently struggling balik sbb ada few changes but still trying my best to get those times. Hehe.

Thanks kak maria for this post!

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sheayang said...

Hopefully i can be like you. i mean the way you are. sekarang dah kurangkan screen time for socmed but then whatsapp cant resist la. kena lebihkan masa dengan family since im working mom, so masa agak limited untuk anak2 dan suami. termasuklah masa untuk buat house chores.

stress kadang2 bila kerja tak siap sebab masa terbazir tengok handphone. huhuhu.

doakan ai kuat like you!

DaYaH JeLitA said...

totally deadly agree

just azura! said...

thank you for this post maria!

Semua yang awak cakap tu betul sebab we have the same situation here! easily distracted and at the end of the day i asked myself - eh apa aku buat sepanjang hari ni? nothing. konon nak termotivate dengan semua motivational posts and all, ended up tak buat apa pun. haih.

Hopefully, i can be like you, berpuasa socmed sebab tau socmed for me is so not healthy. thank you again for this post.


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