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Tuesday, June 25, 2019

How to get rid of Hasad

Assalamualaikum everyone!

After so many times being asked about how to not compare, not feeling insecure, not being jealous of others, dan sewaktu dengannnya, i think it's best for me to just make a post about this.

That feeling you feel when you look at others and then start comparing them to you, is called Envy.
Envy is Hasad.

ENVY (noun)
- a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck.

So maybe you taknak acknowledge yang you sebenarnya tengah dengki dengan orang lain. That's fine. I tak cakap you salah or whatever pun.

But if you know that you have this 'feeling', and you don't like feeling it, you're ashamed of it and you want to stop it, then come. I'll try to help you as much as i can.

Please read this excerpt:

Purification of the Heart
By Hamza Yusuf

I am not an expert, and i'm not saying my methods are 100% suitable for everybody.
I'm sharing this from my own experience and i hope that it can somewhat help you, or inspire you to find ways to help yourself.

In the end, it is all up to you.

1. Of course, most importantly, talk to Allah about it.
In your doas, in your sujud, in the car, when you're all alone, when you're feeling it because that person is in front of you or appeared on your timeline, or contacted you, anytime and as many times as you can, talk to Allah about it.
It can be as conversational as you'd like, or in doa form.

For example:
"Ya Allah, please help me. I am feeling such hasad for *name*, and i hate that i'm feeling like this. I don't want to feel this because i want to be a good person, someone worthy of Syurga Firdaus. I want to be able to talk/see/etc with *name* without feeling any ounce of envy. Help me Ya Allah, You know me better than I know myself, so help me get over this test successfully"

Thing is.. Most times our emotions come without being summoned. And it is unfortunate that it has to be an ill-feeling..

Anyways, when you're alone, in a safe space, talk (as in with your normal voice ok, not just bisik bisik) with as much sincerity and honesty. Allah SWT doesn't judge you, so don't have to worry about that. Talk until your heart hurts from the pain of hating feeling envious of others. Tell Him that you're ashamed of it. Tell Him that you want to stop that feeling. Tell Him that you hate it too for feeling it. Talk until your eyes water. 

2. Amalkan baca surah Al-Falaq.

Try to hafal (memorise) the meaning of this surah.
As you can see, this surah is already a template for doa to Allah to help remove 'the evil of which He created'.

When in your solat, one of the first rakaat, recite this surah. And when you recite, do it knowing what the ayat means. This also helps with khusyuk.

Of course you can also recite this whenever that feeling comes. 

3. Doa for the person.
I believe that this is very hard for you, isn't it? You tengah insecure/jealous dengan orang tu, nak doa baik baik pulak untuk dia! 
Haha! But seriously though. Make doa for that person.

For example:
"Ya Allah, please shower *name* with Your blessings. He/she/them are happy so please give them eternal happiness dunia akhirat. Protect them from the evils of the world and forgive them. Forgive me too ya Allah for my hasad. Save me from this feeling."

Here's why i suggest this::
Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda, maksudnya:
“Doa seorang Muslim untuk saudaranya yang dilakukan tanpa pengetahuan orang yang didoakannya adalah doa yang akan dikabulkan. Pada kepalanya ada seorang malaikat yang menjadi wakil baginya, setiap kali dia berdoa untuk saudaranya dengan sebuah kebaikan, malaikat itu berkata ‘aamiin dan engkau pun mendapatkan apa yang ia dapatkan.’
Basically, when you pray for someone else, you're praying for yourself.
So pray good things for others, and inshaAllah you'll get the benefits too. It's a win-win situation!
But do it with sincerity. It is hard at first, but what test isn't?
Do it until you can look into that person's eyes and feel nothing & can be genuinely happy for them.

4. Try to control yourself.
Yes you depend on Allah to help you, but you too must help & save yourself.

If this person is on your virtual world, you can always opt to "mute" them. Unfollow, delete, or hide. Whatever it is, you can just hilangkan that person from your online world.

But if this person is in your physical world, then there are 3 options.
a) avoid the person. Just for a while, and please don't do it so obviously. I mean... you're already hating yourself for having this feeling, why make other people hate you too? And whatever it is, please do not involve other people in this. Jangan pulak membawang, mengutuk orang tu, just because hearing other people being on your side makes you feel good about yourself. Also, jangan sibuk hal dia. Don't ask people about their updates, or whatever. Just don't cari pasal please.
Starve yourself from any "bawang material". You don't need those.
Camane nak jawab kat Allah nanti? You ask for help but you slander that person.

b) tell the person about it. If you're the confrontational type, that is. 

c) If it's family, camane nak avoid kan? It is difficult.. but you have to act as if you're ok. At the same time, pray in your heart. Don't think you're being hypocrite. You're trying to overcome this problem, not making it worse.

5. Practice being grateful. For others & for yourself.
You know kan, if you can't feel grateful with your own state, look at people who have less.
If you are able, try to do volunteering works, or just get involved with charitable stuff. If you're not able, then just follow charity channels or instagram or twitter. 
When you see people who have lesser than you, pray for them and remember to be grateful for the things you have. If let's say these things are really not your 'thing', then just look at yourself. Your eyes, be thankful that you can see, that your eyes can adjust to different light settings without your conscious command. Your hands. Your fingers. You don't have to command your fingers to move pun. You just subconsciously move it according to your thinking. Isn't that already, MashaAllah? Like there are people in this world who don't have limbs but still have done so much in life. Who are we to compare with others when what we have is considered a luxury?

So practice being grateful, even if the things seem menial to you.
When you shift your attention to being grateful, inshaAllah that envious feeling will be less powerful.

That's all i can think of now.
I hope this can help you!

Remember that this part of your struggle is a jihad. 
In case you forgot, jihad means "the spiritual struggle within oneself against sin".
Also remember that it takes time. Be patient and don't stop. Teruskan berjihad!

If you're reading this and think "apa la diorang ni.. ada hasad dengki. tu la. melayu memang" atau sewaktu dengannya, stop. Just stop. Allah akan uji sesiapa pun dan bila bila masa. Just because you have not been tested, does not mean you won't be tested. Perhaps you are being tested but your ego is in the way of realising that you have a problem.

In any kind of problem for that matter, do not ever belittle others about it.

I hope that by trying these out, your heart will soften and you will be successful.
For you to want to change, is already a good start. My prayers are with you!
May Allah guide you, make you successful dunia akhirat, protect you from the evil within you and around you, and may Allah make it easy for you. InshaAllah~


Aliah Athirah said...

Salam. Hi dear.

There must be a reason why I signed into my account at this late hour, to know that there 's a post from you 6 hours ago. To be honest, it has been ages since I last read my "Reading List". I believe my fingers move themselves for a reason tonight that is to read your writing. The title, the content, really hits me hard. Just what I need, someone to tell me something on this, to know that this is a test and to be a better person, servant.

Thank you for the sharing. InshaaAllah, aminn aminn may we all can get out from this "Hasad" and be genuinely happy for whatever that Allah has bestowed upon us.

Polkadot girl who hugged you during the Quran tag class while crying! :)

Slumber Lady said...

Thank you kak Maria for the post!

Somehow sharing akak muncul at the right time. Alhamdulillah.
Advice akak sangat bermakna. I'll try to practice them.

عبده العمراوى said...

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الرحمه للتنظيف said...

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شركة تنظيف مسابح بالدمام

الرحمه للتنظيف said...

شركة المثالية للتنظيف بالجبيل
شركة المثالية للتنظيف بالقطيف

Nina M. said...

This post came up right when I need it. And yes, I'm struggling with it. Thanks to you, I can finally try to practice few of the tips everytime I'm close to being hasad. Or jealousy.

Thanks so much kak maria :)

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acuyuhan said...

thank you.. that is called supple advices..

Usmi Syahida said...

thnx for sharing Maria.

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