Tuesday, May 20, 2014

engagement: necessary or not?

assalamualaikum!

alhamdulillah my friend got engaged last weekend =)
it was simple & nice, and the best part was the chocolate cake! *drool*
ok tak. it was meeting up with friends again! woohoo!

actually, i have been meaning to share my thoughts about engagement.
but then, me being me, bila procrastinate, lama lama lupa. ihiks!

so! without further ado, here's what i think about engagement!! - just so you know, this is based only on my experience, it has nothing to do with my friend(s) and it is not exactly accurate. in the end, it's all up to you! =) -

1. necessary if your families have never met, not friends on facebook/instagram/whatever social medias. from the engagement, at least both parents get to meet each other, and sedikit sebanyak know each other's backgrounds. this is important because soon-to-be-in-laws need to be able to get along with your parents and you, duh - and you'll have a peace of mind too! ;)

2. necessary for your parents to officially and intimately know your partner.

3. not so necessary if both parents know each other like best friends, and treat you & your partner as if you guys are married already (as in, dah macam anak sendiri laaa).

4. necessary if on arranged marriage. (but depends on family punya terms. some ok kalau kahwin terus)

5. necessary if the girl likes rings. after engagement, dia ada 1 more ring to look forward to. ok jokingggggg! sometimes the girl needs reassurance and confirmation that the guy is serious about their relationship and wants to end up marrying each other, but need time to accept and adjust to the idea of getting married. ha gituuu.

6. necessary if the couple live so far apart. example, girl studies in UK, guy works in KL. tapi both from Malaysia la. then girl balik KL, get engaged, and then balik UK habiskan studies sambil tunjuk bling bling kat kengkawan. "moy fiance is just soow sweet! he skoypes mey every noight!" ececececehhhhh! =p

7. not so necessary if the couple live so far apart. example, girl studies in UK, guy works in KL. tapi both from Malaysia la. if the guy kerja dah steady, then kahwin terus jeeeeeee =p pastu honeymoon kat UK la. save cost! ihikkk!

8. necessary if you need time to save money.

9. not so necessary if you need the money.

10. necessary if your parents said so.

there.
i think 10 is good enough!
hehheee =p

truth be told, engagement is not all about the ceremony. it is a lot about getting to know your partner & his/her family better. when we become someone's "almost wife/husband", we probably (without realising it) will change. and that period la bila shaitan nirojim suka nak mengapi-apikan keadaan and make us doubt on the relationship.
girls, your PMS would probably be worse than before. guys, you probably feel pressured to reach your goals as soon as you can.
things like this could happen. coz it sorta happened to me! kihkihkih!

so apa nak buat masa tu?
istighfar banyak banyak, buat solat istikharah every night if you must - ask for His blessings in your relationship and His guidance, busy yourself with activities yang bermanfaat and ultimately, buy jubah from La Kayena.
ok kidding.
ultimately, prepare yourself for your marriage and marriage life. go get your docs ready, wali, tok kadi, learn the roles of a wife/husband - follow the Prophet's way if can, and chill.
engagement takde pape sangat. nak kahwin yang nerve-wrecking ball sikit. hehe!

oh well. it was all over so soon for me. can't believe i have a baby dah. hahahahahaha! rasa cam baruuuuuu je lepas grad. over kan? =p

what tis, what tis thing eh?

looks like something..i can put..in my mouth

GIMME! 


-_______-


oh yang shawl pink terbang terbang tu la kawan ku yang baru engezed.

tak ready sebenarnya but vatevaahh! awkward posture makes my hips look awkward but vatevahhhh!
i wore:
shawl hitam yang bapak lama ada sampai berlobang dah
Sufyaa pleated black dress and Melly & Nicky green kimono cardi from FashionValet


that's is all. all is vell.
ahak!
ok so that's my take on engagement. like i said, it depends on you jugak in the end. nak buat boleh, tak buat boleh. benda ni bukan wajib pun. takde gempa bumi or ribut taufan la kalau tak buat. and takde la hujan batu kalau buat jugak.
chill k?
bawak berbincang with your family & your partner.

itu je nasihat & pendapat aqaqmars.
kalau ada pape nak add on, leave your comment! and sesiapa yang nak opinion extra tu, baca la comment ya!

hope this benefits you! hehe!
salamun salamun kamiskil khitam, 'alaikum uhaibaa banaa yaa kiraam ~~

ps: pepandai la korang adjust sendiri nak buat engagement tu macam mana, kalau buat. tak perlu so judgemental about others yang buat mewah, mahupun low profile. like i said, it isn't about the ceremony sekarang ni. it's about the engagement itself. =)


62 comments:

Are_Rull said...

assalammualaikum kak..
sy agree dgn opinion akk tu..everything depends on fmly/partner/ourself..
msa sy g kursus kwen aritu..ustazah tu pn ckp..kalau nk kumpul cincin buat la sumer2 tu..hehehe pdhal certain things tu x wajib pn..
but me n partner already agree x nk btunang dn bsanding..jz buat yg wajib..insyaa Allah doakan kmi ye kak (^_^)

Fatihah Nazri said...

yang number 5 best.KAHKAH

siti sakinah said...

Thanks kak mars for the opinions.sy sedang mncri jwpan utk ini..

sYiRa LoKMaN said...

X bertunang boleh jimat juga sbnarnyeee..hehehe..

coco vanila said...

cardigan akak cantik !!

Nadia Elena said...

laaaa nape secoet je gambar kawan akak yg bertunang tu? haha baru ingat nak tengok baju dia dari depan, mesti lawas giles hiks~

Nadia Elena said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
nayzaharyfaz said...

"moy fiance is just soow sweet! he skoypes mey every noight!"

tang ni boleh imagine u type sambil cakap dalam slang british, gigih ngeja satu2 hehehehe

Anasyg said...

tersedak ai aqaqmars suruh ultimately,have to buy jubah La Kayena. My thoughts on engagement?
Keep it low, under the radar, baru terasa exclusive, n bila kahwin, semua org pun cm WHAT THE? U were engaged to that guy/girl? Ha!

salju putih said...

bertunang tak wajib tp bergantung juga kpd situasi, dah hasil prbincangan family dua belah pihak dan partner msing2.kdg2 mak ayah saja nk buat utk rapatkan hubungan saudara mara yang jauh.tp bgi sy sndri, tak perlu sbb boleh jimatkan kos dan terus bt yg wajib ja.

Nuratika said...

I was thinking about this too sebab our families have never met. Ya lah..sorang selatan and sorang lagi utara. Sometimes I thought it is necessary for them to meet up during engagement day tapi kekadang rasa macam tak perlu sebab memasing jauh and susah nak ulang-alik. At the same time, boleh save budget untuk kenduri nanti. Bak kata mak I..cakap dalam fone and terus tetap tarikh pun boleh.. Hahaha!

Miz Dayah said...

thanks maria. good entry. like it :-)

Syidah Nur said...

Aah, betul tu.. setuju dengn no 1. Hihi. Tapi majlis tunang tu xyah la gempak smpai nmpk mcm mjlis kawen kn. Tpi, depends..hehe..

My Aisy said...

hehehe...saya nak lebih cecincin kat tangan...hahaha...lawak okey...
utk saya...yup rasanya membazir klu family sume dah kenal kan...pastu cam duit tu baik simpan tuk lepas kawin jek nanti...hahaha..bole...last2 ikut family la...kekadang ada mak bapak yang nak wat majlis tunang ni kan......kan kan...

Assia Luna said...

That kimono cardigan is dazzling!
For me, I think the engagement is necessary no matter the situation. It's hard enough knowing the person himself nowadays :/

Diana Abdul Molok said...

teringat dulu my arwah nenek cerita, orang dulu-2 merisik sebab tak kenal bakal menantu siapa, so dtg merisik nak tengok bangun awal tak yg nak dipinang ni, pandai buat air tak, etc. Then bertunang as tempoh berkenalan for the bride n groom and families too(sbb dulu2 takde orang bercinta sgt pon). I personally think engagement is ok, but I have a problem with orang- orang yang buat engagement party da macam nak nikah terus, then gambar mcm pengantin baru lak dgn tunangann nye. Nape tah I nyampah? Hehehe padahal suka dia le kan, duit dia, tunang dia?

Ms and Mr Red Ribbon said...

simple thought but all are true!!!

NJihe.am said...

Dah lama tak jenguk blog kak maria. Cepat betul masa berlalu dan banyak perkara dah berlaku...

azrinna nur said...

Good sharing untuk yg merancang bertunang.

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Sal Bee Yah said...

personally saya ok je dengan engagement ni, sebagai guarantee dan boleh bantu gak couple tu prepare diri sebelum masuk alam rumah tangga.tapi kurang suka dengan orang bertunang tangkap gambar ceremony cam dah kahwin.simpan lah sikit kan.. :p

Cik Umie Artoqiemie said...

sbrnya kawen terus pun okay jugak hehehe.

emmireld babystore said...

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Yat Akma said...

Macam banyak yg NECESSARY jee..hehe..like this post!so much info for me to prepare my wedding life eventhough it's maybe happen 5/6 yrs later..haha

Ayu Ismail said...

entry yang bagus..
sy juga bertunang hampir 2 thn..
bertunang krn kami sama2 baru habis belajar, jadi besama2 membina tapak utk stabilkan kehidupan.. no hankupanky kerja simpan duit nak kawen gtuu.. seronok bersusahpayah bersama kumpul duit kawen. selain tu, utk eratkan rillaturahim.. dah bertunang ni nak p umah bakal mertua pon takla teragak2 nak join majlis2 keduri dan parents pon boleh berkawan rapat dlm tempoh tu..

tapi x suke nowadays trend bertunnang dah mcm manikah dgn pelamin khemah semedang bagai.. alahaiiii

Siti maira said...

Best sharing nie..amboi bukan maen lagi posingnya..hihi

Budak Kampung said...

engg not necessary..but our parents kata..its ADAT.

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syahida zakaria said...

siyes saya jeles camne maria boleh menten pakai shawl tanpa senget benget.. saya pakai macam nak tercabut anak-anak tarik

jemput lawat my blog
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taikoi said...

sukatikolanak

eeqa~ said...

agreed...
I pon plan nak engage untuk family get to know each other... Just buat dinner je... :) Simple yet content.. but it is up to masing2 lah... tapi yang penting..... tak menyusahkan diri sendiri :)

~cAhAyA kEmUL!aAn~ said...

kalau ikutkan, bertunang tu perjanjian untuk berkawen..jadi tak kisah la ada majlis ke tak, once dan berjanji yang melibatkan wali, dan dikira tunang pn..takkan la ada orang yang tak berjanji, tak berbincang, tiba2 terus kawen kan?? ;)

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shakilazaki said...

Hello,

My name is Nur Shakila Mohd Zaki and I am a Master’s student in Communication from UiTM Shah Alam. I am currently in the midst of doing my research on social media, related to sharing personal information and privacy of its users.

For your information i’ve been a reader of your blog for a few years now, and also a follower of your Twitter and Instagram. Since you are a wellknown figure in the social media that have thousands of followers, I strongly believe that your thoughts and opinions would help me greatly in my research.

Should you agree to participate in my research, there are only 10 questions, and you may answer as detailed or as briefly as you want to. All of your responses may be included in my research but they will be anonymous. Feel free to contact me at shakilazaki@gmail.com if you have any questions.

ps: I don't know how to contact you so I comment jela, dengan harapan you notice my comment.

Thank you for your time.

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Shuhaida Shafie said...

Kak mar, nak share ni nk share ni. Haha excited!!! Sebenarnya tunang tu penting kak, sebab kite boleh saman menyaman.ok contohnya, pihak lelaki nak putuskan tunang last minit da nak kawen masa tu kan banyak duit da habis lps book catering dll tu kan, kite boleh tuntut balik. Ye la da bukan jodoh kan nk buat camne, tp duit lebur gitu je sape nak ganti kan. Perempuan pon boleh kena saman jgk ok for your info. Haha

Sebab ada 1 kes ni, lelaki tu janji nak kawen siap jumpa family lps tu family da aturkan tarikh book catering book baju pengantin lps tu lelakinya hilang.
So family perempuan nak buat tuntutan x layak sebab x bertunang. Dah rugi 1 hal kt situ. Sbnrnya tunang ni untuk protect diri je kot.

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Bro hantu said...

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