perspektif orang yang tak bertudung pastu pakai tudung: Part 2

assalamualaikum wbt!

subhanallah! alhamdulillah! Allahuakbar!!

it's syawal already!!
time flies really quickly these days =O

anyway, i've been wanting to write this for the longest time: my perspective from a person who wasn't covered, to now is. i pray hope that i will continue on till the end of my time. in sha Allah =)

this year is my second year of being a hijaber. (weeeee!)
i'm still very much muslim than when i wasn't a hijaber. however, many things have changed since. i've written about my first time wearing it in this old post and i find it weird how people would leave a comment on a post as old as that too. come on peeps. dah 2 tahun kot. 

=)
bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

my initial intention was to be a better person. 2 years ago, i wanted to wear tudung because i thought it would make me see something i couldn't see.
i ni the kind yang suka observe and will try to understand people's actions. i read fictional books not because i like to transport myself into a fantasy world or anything like that, but mainly because i like to read about the characters. it's like a shortcut for me to see other people's perspective.

so before being a hijaber, i wondered like why laa do people always make a fuss about tudung. it's just a piece of cloth! chill la! takyah la paksa pakai! i pakai bila i nak la! islam bukan agama paksaan! i tau la wajib tapi chill la! my grave is my grave! - i used to answer to people's nagging about tudung.
in 2010, when i took that one selendang and wrapped it around my head, covering my hair and most of my neck area, all i wanted to know was how can this piece of cloth, could make me a better person.

alhamdulillah. with tears on my face now as i'm typing this, i believe it did make me into a better person.
i don't know how much better, but definitely it's different now.

it took me about a year to get used to wearing shawls. i bought so many types of shawls to understand the kinds of material that suits me best, which ones can be styled easiest, etc etc. my concerns were more towards fashion because.. well.. i wanted to feel good wearing it in order to get used to it..

the next step for me was to understand Islam and finding the Truth.
alhamdulillah, the Quran had been my bestest best ever best of the best friend ever on this journey!
it's true, when people tell you that the Quran is the best form of hidayah, believe them. get one with translations and read it.
i went to several book stores to buy a Quran with translations (you can find them in MPH and Kinokuniya), but i found my mom's Quran (with translations of course) at home which she bought in Mekah when she did her hajj!! so takyah beli! yayy! i was so happy then and when i started reading it, masyAllah..
every turning page is either a slap on the face or new knowledge.
the strongest ayat which gave me the biggest slap was Surah Ali-Imran, ayat 185. i posted it in my tentang hijab post and everytime, sampai sekarang ayat tu macam terngiang ngiang dalam kepala otak.

of course there are so many ayats which repetitively remind us about how worldly pleasures are only temporary while the hereafter is eternity, but this ayat was the first one to struck me real hard.

and then came the song "If i die young" by the band perry.

when i heard the song on the radio the first time (and many times after), i cried.
this particular verse haunted me:

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh well
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby
The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

firstly, i don't want my mom to bury me.
secondly, if she had to, yes i want her to know i'm safe in Paradise.
thirdly, i know i have to die eventually, my death is written but it's a secret no one will ever know. it's like jumping off a cliff and not knowing when you'll hit the ground.
it's scary!!!
lastly, if the life of anyone i love would be taken earlier than mine, i don't want them to be burdened by my sins.. if anything, i want everyone to enter Paradise.. in sha Allah..

so like i mentioned earlier, "i wanted to wear tudung because i thought it would make me see something i couldn't see", and yes. i saw.

i saw how much i lacked. how little my knowledge in islam was and how much i've taken it for granted.

oh Allah.. ampunilah hambaMu ini Ya Allah.. 
i was too proud before.. i thought i knew my religion! but what i knew was only the basic stuff. stuff we learn in school i soon realised, were not enough. there're so much more to know! 
it became more apparent about how little i know even though i've studied Islam and went to usrahs. when i went to do my first ever umrah earlier this year.. i was embarrassed. ashamed of myself. malu sangat nak bertemu Dia..

my change ni kan, was from out to in.
meaning to say, i had to change my outlook and lifestyle first and gradually progress on the inside, the heart and mind. some people go through this too and some start changing from in to out. which means some people change their hearts and minds first before changing their outlook and lifestyle.
whichever way it is, both are good. it is normal for human to always want to be better. it's just a matter of how much effort we're willing to put and how much we're willing to sacrifice.
and before any of you start judging others or questioning other people's intentions, remember.. "today i am better than you, but maybe tomorrow, you will be better than me." - this saying generally. when we see people who hasn't performed their best, make a doa for them.

The Prophet said: "The dua of a Muslim for his brother (in Islam) in his absence is readily accepted. An angel is appointed to his side. Whenever he makes a beneficial dua for his brother the appointed angel says, 'Aameen. And may you also be blessed with the same.'" [Sahih Muslim]

doakan terbaik untuk orang lain, maka in sha Allah kita pun dapat kebaikan tersebut =) Allah SWT sememangnya Maha Pemurah & Maha Penyayang!

SO! to finish this off, before, i used to think hijab is the act of covering ourselves physically. but now the 'hijab' which means covering, to me, is the act of covering from head to toe with modesty, being modest, portraying a believer of Islam, a form of jihad (though i know it's not a big type of jihad), and all of that with the intention of pleasing Allah SWT. and that is why i call myself a hijaber. macam doa la since nak ber-istiqamah kan =) in sha Allah.

and as an advice, if you know what you're doing is something good, don't hesitate. just do it, pray for the best and tawakal. maybe your first intention macam "off" sikit tapi takpe. try to improve from time to time =)
takde masalah la! hehee =D

all the best uolls!
i love you lillahi taala =)
salam!