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Sunday, August 27, 2017

Test of the Tudung

It has been about 7 years since i fully cover my head with tudung/shawl/hijab.
I'm more comfortable calling this piece of cloth covering my hair & neck tudung, to be honest.
Hijab, to me, is more of the act of covering, not so much on the kain that covers.

Now then, after 7 years, i have still a long way to go and i still ask Allah for hidayah because i feel like i keep failing.. Tu pun Alhamdulillah sangat dapat secebis T_T
I admire ladies like Mizz Nina, Aliza Kim, Fynn Jamal among many because they have really really gone in depths in Islamic teachings and they are doers, not just sayers.

Huhhhh.. May Allah give us all hidayah and let this journey towards becoming a better muslim be our jihad.

There are also many others yang baru 'berhijrah' from dotdotdot into a hijabi, alhamdulillah.
But then, because they haven't gone all the way - tutup dada, pakai baju labuh, less perhiasan, ikut syariah, etc etc - they sometimes get 'teguran' from people around them. These Penegur pulak may be fans (of celebs), friends, family members and even strangers.

This is what i really believe:

Semua Si Penegur ni.. ada benda yang gerakkan diorang untuk menegur.
Call it whatever you want, i call it ilham or inspiration.
They were inspired to tell, explain, rant, pujuk, or scold orang yang berhijrah ni bila diorang "not hijabi enough", and i believe Allah sort of like jentik that person to go to that extent.

Sebab, come on. It's easier to just mengumpat kan? It's easier to talk behind people's back instead of facing them.
It takes great courage to tegur orang in our so-called-public (read: instagram or facebook) even as a fake or an anonymous person.

Sooooo..
Penegur ni akan menegur orang yang berhijrah because THAT is the test.
Allah tests those He loves.

Orang yang berhijrah ni tested with what, exactly? Haters?

Psshhh! NO.

Faith, sincerity & ego.

Dealing with haters is nothing compared to dealing with our worst side. I'm still battling my yucky side! You know, that inner voice that tries to convince us that doing a little bit of wrong is not that bad, that "i deserve a bit of fun", or "ala sikit je", or "no one will know".

*cries*

When it comes to the act of covering - like wearing the headscarf fully covering the hair, ears, neck and chest, wearing long sleeves and long pants, wearing socks, wearing clothes that does not reveal the shape of the body - they require a lot of effort. Itu je. Okay okay, money too. Hehe!

But then let's all admit it: Fashion is always the biggest part of a woman's life. We like to look good, and sometimes looking good means wearing trendy clothes, and sometimes also means "ala sikit je" (terdedah, i mean).
Somehow we associate being fashionable, pretty and rich with success. Padahal success can also be a person who is able to sedekah RM 0.50 a day, everyday.

Hijrah starts with faith. Belief. Knowing that it is part of worshipping Allah SWT.
When a person is tested, that's when sincerity comes in view.
Have you ever been tested, and then you see someone who is doing all the wrong things, and yet still have all the things you want, and thought "why can't i have it easy? Why, even after all this (sacrifices), i still have nothing compared to XYZ?"..

Ikhlas tu senang je nak cakap, tapi nak betul betul ikhlas kan diri for anything and everything (unpleasant) that happens to us, seriously not as easy.

And then, the ego steps in.
"Buat apa nak susah susah. Bukannya happy pun".
"I wear whatever i want. Penegur bukannya tau what ibadah i've done. They don't have the right to judge me. Only Allah does".
"They don't know me".

The painful truth is, kita bukan ego dengan orang lain. It does seem like so, but sebenarnya, kita tengah ego dengan Allah.

We give reasons to why we're not going to oblige to what people want us to do, we point everything away from us. It's like we're rebelling while being faithful, if that makes sense. Padahal Allah told us simply: cover our aurat.
He didn't tell us specifically how, yeah i know. Eh yo. We're Muslims. And all muslims have Al-Quran.
If you tell me to point to you the exact ayat where Allah tells us to cover ikut syariah ("mana syariah nya? mana?"), i can't. But you have the Quran kan?
Baca je la.
Cari la sendiri.
Tak jumpa? Baca lagi sekali. Still tak jumpa? Cuba fahamkan then. Cari Quran translation yang senang nak faham. English or bm, ada je kat book store.
Still tak jumpa? Ask your friends and families. They can't give you the answer too?
Cari cikgu, ustaz or ustazah. Can't find them?
Google them.
Don't know who's real and authentic?
Follow the famous ones like Mufti Menk, Ustaz Nouman Ali, Ustazah Norhafizah Musa, Yasmin Mogahed.

When we seek for answers to 1 question, it will somehow lead to learning 100 new knowledge.

But really.. kenapa kita kena ego dengan Allah?
While i'm typing this out, i see flashes of the things i've done out of ignorance. Not because i didn't know, but just because i tell myself "it's not a big deal. XX does it too".
Astaghfirullah T_T

If there's no one around you yang menegur, then consider this one.
I pun tengah tegur myself ni wuwuuu..

Hijrah does not stop at wearing tudung. It's all those level ups & upgrades we go through. Tak bertudung -> bertudung. Kuat mencarut -> berzikir. Kuat naik angin -> boleh bersabar. Cepat emo -> cepat sangka baik. Suka tengok tv -> suka belajar.

Even after 7 years, the act of covering is still a day to day challenge, and apart from that, i'm still trying to improve myself in terms of attitude, personality and psychology. There's a lot of fixing to do! Haha!
And i'm trying to fix myself ni pun so that i enjoy myself and people around me can get the best version of me too. Macam best kan? =')

InshaAllah, may Allah allow us to become the best version of ourselves, make us a syahid, and bidadari di Syurga nanti. Amiiiin..

Ps: We don't have to be ustazah overnight. Moments of reflections are important. At least we know whether we have improved or not since the last "teguran" =)


*gambar perhiasan haha*


7 comments:

Aqy | Ela Ahmad said...

thanks for the entry :) sangat terkesan dalam hati♥️ may us become a better person ;)

Carl Dani said...

Sis, ur entry so positive. More entry please..

Norliza Nordin said...

good sharingg

Maliyana said...

love love this entry kak maria~! may Allah give us understanding of the deen and patience and ease to practice the deen aamiin!! ohh and Natasha Hudson too is super inspiring masha Allah!! love love her Instagram reminders and reflections too

Shida Idris said...

omg maria, u read my mind. this is sooo sooo true. semoga kita semua diberikan hidayah dan dapat mencapai apa itu kemanisan beribadah dan ikut arahan Allah

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Ardilla Noorezan said...

Love this post! :')