Friday, January 29, 2016

what happened last year?

Assalamualaikum dunia,


A year goes by so fast, doesn't it.

Just last year:
1. Nadrah turned 2
2. Husband and i turned 28
3. I was going through such a hard time with my business
4. I was trying to master several knowledge in a short time - which didn't work.
5. And so, i learnt that i can not multitask as good as i thought.
6. Thus, i enforced "one by one" rule with myself and Nadrah.
7. She likes to interrupt me when i'm doing something, or she likes to leave things halfway (like reading), so i tell her "Nadrah, one by one." to the point that now she finishes the sentence for me.

Me: Nadrah, one by..
Nadrah: one. Say ummi - One By One.

*amboi. anak aku ni.

8. I discovered so many things about myself, and so i delved into reconditioning my"self".
9. I have been so conditioned by my upbringing, environment, expectations, that i really don't know what "I" am all about.
For example, i was expected to be a career woman, a professional and recognised person. But when i resigned from my engineering job, i thought being an entrepreneur would compensate the loss of being a 'professional, career woman' and still be able to raise my child.

so true.



10. But like i said at point 5. I'm not good at multitasking. And i sucked at being a Work-at-home-mom.
11. I was constantly on the phone and laptop.
12. I neglected Nadrah so much. It pains me but i brushed the guilt away, thinking i'm doing this for her sake and others too.
13. When she cries for my attention, i get angry at her for not respecting my work time.
14. When her cries became lesser, it was then i realised that she had replaced me.
15. I knew then that i wasn't living up to what i intended to become: a mother, one who guides, nurtures and brings out the best in my kids.
16. It's not like working moms can't do the same. It's just that i chose to stop working to jaga my marriage and my family. It was my choice back then, it is still my choice now.
17. So as i said in point 9. I have been so conditioned, so i decided to find my true self.
18. I tried to really appreciate the loneliness i felt. (who says being a work-at-home/stay-at-home mom isn't lonely?). Instead of ignoring the void, i embraced it. Not by looking at FB or IG or whatever. But just to sit and talk to Allah.
19. Sometimes talking it out makes some knots looser. Talking to someone physically there is something we're very used to, but talking to Allah, seeing nothing there but the belief that He is listening, it's just as good. Because He's listening and not interrupting. Allowing us to speak whatever language, including our grunts and sighs, and tears.
20. Towards the end of last year, i realised so many things i've been ignoring.
21. My husband. My child. Myself.
22. I've been with them but i was distracted.
23. And then i found out i was pregnant with our second child =') alhamdulillah.
24. So i decided to stop my business (for now) and find that true way of helping people without neglecting the people i have in my life and love so much.
25. Because really. What's success in being an entrepreneur when i suck at being a mother and a wife?
26. One by one, mars. One by one.
27. If you truly want to be among the patient, one of the many ways is to become a housewife. Serious. Hehe!
28. So here i am. 2016, here i am. InshaAllah soon, a boy will enter this world through me. And i hope we'll be ok.

hope the boy looks the handsome version of me. Bahaha!
*may Allah protect the child i'm carrying and allow him to become His most faithful, inshaAllah.*




28 comments:

Siti Aishah said...

All thee best Kak Maria! Keep your head held high, okay! InshaAllah we all are going to 'enjoy' this 2016 as much as we can. Jazakillah hu khayr for sharing this awesome and up-lifting story! Muahx!

Mun said...

congratulations kak maria i felt so delighted reading this!!!! May Allah bless u and ur Nadrah also ur Husband and the upcoming boy!!!!!!! :D

silentdreamer said...

Really great post! Inspiring!

Realising the situation and finding your true-self is really a defining moment! I always adore people who find what actually they want and fight for it even though it's against the norm and expectation of the society.

I believe your life will be happier and blessed as I can see that your decision had make you closer to Allah (as what u said in points 18 & 19). InsyaAllah everything's gonna be fine and always remember you have Allah with you. Happy nurturing the people surrounds you!

May Allah ease everything for you!

liyana said...

i love how you write about your journey through motherhood, marriage, work. and this one really touched my heart because after reading this, this thought pop up in my head --> "wow! i'm not the only one..." you are so honest that it makes me feel i have a friend who understands, and so positive that i want to do the same thing. be positive, find positive, find Allah... wish i could share how i feel too. Thanks kak maria. you inspire me today. wish all the best for you and the family!!

Nada Nadida said...

Nadrah is like a 100% female version of the Dad. :)

Carl Dani said...

Tahniah Kak Mar, jangan lupa update blog k..take care..

Nur Hamizah said...

OH EM GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE CONGRATSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Farid Majid said...

The time is flying so fast. We all will grow older and getting older. Hopefully that we still get the chances to enchance our amal and iman in sha Allah.

Atr said...

Congratulations kak Maria! Take care of yourself and your family. Wishing you all the best, may Allah ease your path. :)

Leyha Hady said...

congrats dah masuk yang kedua laa ^^ seronoknya.. !

Munirah Rezman said...

May Allah ease, kak Mars. Congrats for the babyyyy

Aneesah said...

Wa'alaikumussalam warahmatullah. Mabruk Maria, Nadrah & family! Wanted to let you know that I can relate to your thoughts greatly. I paused my Masters to give birth to my son in Malaysia. And now I'm a stay/work-at-home mum instead of a graduate architect. We share many of the same dilemmas. And I too am trying to have peace with the fact that during the day, the extent of what I can do in terms of "work" or "study" is to listen to lectures and videos while tending to the baby.

InshaAllah there will be time for other things, I tell myself. So far a routine that worked for me was getting up early, like at 4am to do work. I can nap later when the kid naps. But understandably, the opportunity doesn't come every day so kalau tak sempat buat what I planned to, I just accept it.

Jazaakillah khair for sharing the hidden side of what many go through. :)

syuha zulkifli said...

Baby boy soon tahniah kak mariaaaaa <3

whoeveritis said...

yes..never knew being a housewife is the toughest.. I just cant help myself having my girl just beside me but couldnt really 100% focus on her..Since houseworks is prominent too.. always need that kind of mind therapy..Since we have no officemate or friends to hang out and chitchatting with..Leaving all that mess behind..Afterall its my choice.

whoeveritis said...

yes..never knew being a housewife is the toughest.. I just cant help myself having my girl just beside me but couldnt really 100% focus on her..Since houseworks is prominent too.. always need that kind of mind therapy..Since we have no officemate or friends to hang out and chitchatting with..Leaving all that mess behind..Afterall its my choice.

dorsett pink said...

I am a housewife + phd student +mummy

aloysius yesa said...

God

aloysius yesa said...

God

myan said...

hai

kalau cari idea DIY yg murah & super cute boleh visit blog/ig kami
ada paperbag, sticker, tag & card :)

thanks

Our blogshop, cardbymyan.blogspot.com click >>CARDBYMYAN or instagram kami @begkertas. click >>@begkertas

MAZ's books said...

assalamualaikumyou kak maria, i noticed you wrote that you struggle in bussiness. if you dont mind i really hope you can share about your struggles because I just started doing a small bussiness and would really love to learn more about this area. perhaps there's something in your experience that can benefit your reader. and i also wish you the best in whatever you choose to do and of course with your pregnancy.

ordinary wawa said...

Congratulation sis. Bakal s'bayalah baby kita nanti. Tapi belum tahu baby boy or girl. Hopefully boy.

http://angellovesoldier.blogspot.com/

myan said...

hai

kalau cari idea DIY yg murah & super cute boleh visit blog/ig kami
ada paperbag, sticker, tag & card :)

thanks

Our blogshop, cardbymyan.blogspot.com click >>CARDBYMYAN or instagram kami @begkertas. click >>@begkertas

what do you think said...

hmm..rase sedih baca post ni sebab saya rasa xde achievement langsung last year. I've been working for 5 years as an accountant and last year on august i've decided to quit. sebab utama resign sebab nak rehat and nak travel kononnye and cari diri sendiri,ape yg aku nak sebenarnye dlm hidup ni etc. first 2months tu rasa happy,tapi sekarang rasa betapa banyaknya masa terbuang macam tu je.aku faham bila ade org cakap dorg mcm xde purpose dlm hidup dan perlukan masa utk diri sendiri.same goes to me or maybe aku je yg fikir lebih2 but seriously i don't see my future in my previous job.aku tau aku sebenarnya cuma hilang motivasi utk hidup sebab hidup mcm robot,bangun pegi keje sampai malam pastu blk keje fikir lagi pasal keje pastu weekend pon fikir pasal keje.padahal banyak lagi benda boleh buat selain kerja yg mmg dah fixed from monday to friday tu.sekarang ni,i always ask myself first"what is your priority" panjang lagi nak tulis tapi x boleh nak keluar ayat2 tu. Demi masa,sesungguhnya manusia itu kerugian (Al-asr).yes,time management.

mizmalyn said...

Omoomooo. Baru tahu, tahniah kak Maria. May Allah swt ease everything. in shaa Allah. amiin.

Shandra Winata said...

Artikelnya sangat menarik, semoga bisa bermanfaat bagi orang banyak, lanjutkan kerja kerasnya yah gan ^_^

Agen Poker
Agen Domino
Agen Poker Domino
Poker Online
Bandar Domino
Domino 99
Capsa Susun
Adu Q


Model Jepang Blasteran
Artis Jepang Tercantik
Poker Domino Online Android/iOS

Natasha Weinns said...

Boleh juga nih isi artikelnya utk menarik pembaca. lanjutkan kerja kerasnya agan dan aganwatie :)

Agen Poker
Agen Domino
Agen Poker Domino
Poker Online
Bandar Domino
Agen Poker Domino Terpercaya
Agen Poker Domino Terbaik
Agen Poker Domino Indonesia


Cewe Jepang Super Imut, Sakura Miyawaki
Cara Mengakses Situs Terblokir Internet Positif
Poker Domino Online Indonesia Uang Asli

usna said...

Saya baru jugak lah follow blog Maria ni.. Jujurnya suka baca apa yg awak kongsikan psl life, thoughts, opinions, advice dll
Memang bermanfaat ! untuk readers mcm saya
Very thankful for what you write..
Lastly, tahniah for second baby, moga dipermudahkan segalanya.=)


Sis Bino said...

comel nye nadrahh posing
all the best kak mars
biiznillah